Depressed and re-considering IBD offer after accepting
Hey guys. There is a lot of useful advice on this site, so I figured I would reach out to you guys with what has been on my mind lately.
I feel like I am falling into a pit of depression. As background, I accepted a bb IBD offer after summering at the same bb about a month ago.
So here goes the story:
1) My roommates are way more successful than I am:
I live with 2 guys, both my best friends since the start of college. One is going to a top IBD group (GS TMT/MS m&a) and the other is going to MBB. Now, I didn't have any interest in consulting nor did I interview with the IBD group roommate 1 is going to, but they are undoubtfully better than me. I am going to a top group at mid tier BB (JPM/CS/Citi). Everyone is constantly impressed with my roommates, people are always talking about how smart they both are. I am beyond happy for them and they both deserve it, but I cannot help but feel like the underdog.
2) I am coming into terms that I will be miserable:
My group is a complete sweatshop. The analysts are great and I made some very close friends this summer, but everyone hates their lives. I don't know if this is true of people at every bank, or it is unique to mine - but people are straight up depressed. The hours are miserable and it does not look like they will be getting any better. We are top notch in my industry coverage, but I don't know if that justifies how painful the experience will be, given I'm still not at a firm that guarantees placement at megafunds or anything by any means. Basically, it is possible but it will be a struggle regardless - so the sweatshop culture/hours are harder to justify
3) I can't get over the fact that I am leaving all of my friends:
I hate change. I always have. It only recently hit me that my closest friends won't be around next year. One of my roommates is going to San Fran and the other is going to Atlanta. I will be moving to a different city all by myself, where i know few people. My family isn't around, my relationship ended like a year ago and she won't be around, and my friends/support system are all leaving and doing their own thing.
4) I can't be happy/don't feel good enough:
This one is self explanatory. I don't feel good about my accomplishments because all I see are other people's being better/more prestigious.
5) I can't find an escape from banking/recruiting and it's driving me insane:
Everywhere I go people are talking about this shit. My school has an undergrad business school and it is insane how career obsessed everyone is. I just want an escape from it and it's hard to find that when recruiting is all anyone talks about. People without jobs are constantly sucking up to everyone consultant/banker around them - it's disgusting. People with jobs are shoving their offers down people's throats and trying to one-up everyone else. It's even more disgusting. I just want out of this horrible world of finance.
6) I feel like a shitty person:
All of this makes me feel fucking horrible. What kind of guy isn't happy for his friends when they are successful? Who is constantly jealous of their roommates? I feel selfish and just generally not a good person. I'm trying to go out of my way to help juniors/whoever I can for recruiting, but even that doesn't make me feel better. I just don't think I'm a good person anymore. I feel like finance and IBD has changed me, and unfortunately I am smart enough to realize that I'm turning into the kind of douche no one wants to be around.
I don't know what to do guys. Does anyone relate? Am I just crazy? Seriously considering seeing a therapist here. I have everyone I have ever wanted in life, and I have every reason to be happy. Yet, I am beyond miserable.
You're 21, I'm almost 30, listen up. Take the job, crush it for two years, jump to a hedge fund or PE, maybe do B-school or another masters or law school and have a great time. Realize that your first analyst job is just the starting point and there's absolutely nothing stopping you from going to KKR or Blackstone or Bridgewater or top VCs or wherever you want to go. It will all hinge on what you make of your first few years as an analyst. Few and far between really make the most of the IBD analyst stints. Even if it's a tough two years, you will make some of the best friends of your life and develop some amazing skills and even more important amazing contacts. I wrote a post on how to crush your analyst program, I'm sure you can find it (search for highest ranked content of all time, that's right, tootin' my own horn here :)).
On a different note, never, ever determine your own quality by what others do, esp in this industry. You're better than you think you are. There'll always be someone with a better title, school, firm, preftige, hotter wife, house, boat whatever the f. If you go through life benchmarking to the top of the top of the top and feeling shitty about yourself you're bound for disaster. Set your own benchmarks, for no one else but you, think long and hard about what you really want to do with your life, do what you feel is right, and expect greatness.
Final note, I am a big believer in (good) counseling and I'd encourage most to do it - looking deep within one's self is one of the bravest and hardest things a person can do. Give it a shot.
Hey, you have to step back a second, just thing about all this, realized these are not huge problems and take a deep breath. For some of your points, I had similar feelings so I give you my 2 cents: 1) This is just NO-SENSE. You have reached something that a lot of top people are fighting to get. Having a FT offer for a top shop within a good BB is something that would make any parent/friend proud of (btw, obv. it is not JPM since no one at JPM would define it a mid-BB so just don't write mid-BB and then use JPM as example). You have to consider that, no matter what you achieve, there will always be several people which are better than you. Even if you are at KKR or at BX, there are people out there that are more smart or more reach or more happy or have more success with girls so just relax. It is normal to know, meet and live with people that IN SOME FIELDS are better than you. Also, you are analyzing this thing only from a business point of view. Ok, working at GS TMT is probably the best job in IBD (or one of the best) from a career driven point of view but this is just one important thing and not EVERYTHING. Also, you have to consider that you are lucky to have smart friends and it is good if they are on par with you or above you. it will challenge you to go on the same level and it will stimulate you down your life. So, it is fine to be the underdog and people don't choose boyfriends or friends considering if they are at GS or CS. Megafunds may do, but this is just a piece of the story. 2) this is normal at any bank (although it is the reason why I dropped my FT offer following my internship). People in banking feel miserable all the time. They work a lot, the pay is not at the same level it was years ago. They have the feeling they are just slaves, etc. It is true, you work a lot but people complain almost everywhere. You have to do what you like. If you like doing financial models, company profile, marketing material with ppt and every other thing you do as an analyst, you will be fine. On the other hand, if you hate what you do and the fact that you work a lot it will be hard. Also you have to consider this as an option. If you start, you will ALWAYS have the chance to step back if someday down the road you don't stand it anymore. You will always have the chance to go into finance in a F500 company or to do mid-market banking into a big 4 company. On the other hand, if you don't start know, it will probably be bloody difficult to find another chance (also a chance where, as you said, you already know the people in the team and you like them). (disclaimer: I believe my decision to drop the offer was wrong because of these reasons). 3) This is hard. It is always difficult to realize that you are putting your biggest effort in something that drives you away from your friends but a) you will make new friends b) your true friends will always be there once you are back and when you have time. The hard thing is that you are sacrificing your youth to pull all nighters but for this, go back to the previous post --> you can always leave when you are done. 4) see all previous posts, especially the (1). 5) hang out with people which are not into business school, career driven, travel, do a sport, find a girlfriend, play videogames, go to partiers. If you don't like to have those people around, just spend the time at school studying and networking with people you like. You don't have to pay attention to all this. Just relax and give them the attention they require (which is 0). 6) maybe you are not. It is just that you have been bombed by all this career obsession it seems you have. Solve the previous points and you should find your way through.
Finally, man relax. A part the friend part, these are not big issues. You have a well paid job which can guarantee you a comfortable life, you have smart and accomplished friends, you don't have healthy issue, you are not going to Iraq. Take a deep breath...
And OP, you said my ranking is beyond the point, but you're crying because you feel your group is lesser ranked. Funny.
the point was not whether I am at JP or CS or Citi or got forbid UBS/BAML/Deutsche.. It was that people around me are at the best groups at GS/MS and it feels shitty
"got forbid..." nice, buddy. You don't even know how the expression goes. I question how you got your current offer considering how much of a fucking pussy you are coupled with the fact that you don't know basic figures of speech.
Lets also address the fact that you're saying "god forbid" to BB banking jobs as if you're some elitist piece of shit, which, judging by your whining post, you are.
So here's a thought...stop being a huge pussy and judging yourself and others based on what fucking bank or group you/they are in. I know dipshits at GS who are not as intelligent as people who work at UBS. And no, I'm not just saying that. Also, you don't work in the industry and have no idea about actual placement of groups. This website hypes up the top groups but guess what, there are a few BB banks considered "low tier" (which in itself is so fucking stupid) that sent more people to MFs last year than some top groups did.