I have applied for over 200+ roles in 6 months and now I am miserable

  • If you don’t have the life you want, you should fight for it.

I believe in this notion immensely, and yet I struggle to prove it to fruition. There was no chance for a student like me with above-average grades, lack of big Institutions on my CV, and essentially no investment banking experience whatsoever to get an unconditional offer from one of the best universities in the world. So I fought for it, and I got it.

I was there, one interview away from getting the dream role of my life. It was a huge miracle how I got the interview itself, and then some, because of how smoothly it went. The days turned into months and it took me forever to understand that I had been ghosted by the firm. 8 Emails later, I received a generic response of how I didn’t make the cut. 

The same story, but with 4 different "prestigious" firms.

  • You needed to be an undeniable candidate.

I desire more than the role offered me. I desire endless nights and working on projects that excite me. I gave my 100% and maybe it showed in the interview but mostly it didn’t because I clearly wasn’t undeniable, and I was obviously denied. Maybe my best was a little lesser than what I desired from life. 

It is my fault and yet it isn’t. I could be better, and yet I couldn’t have been.  In this spectrum of blame-gaming and uncertainty, I don't know which path to take, and if I even have a path left.

  • Bleak Privilege

I can choose to wait it out. This cannot be said for most people in the world. I’m at the edge of the 1%, where I can always view the ones who aren’t, and yet I am not them. The pressures of their struggle are relatable but not real. And in this mongrel-like madness, I stand here. I can be a change maker, I can be a nobody, I can join the rat race and I can refuse it all and do nothing. The burden of responsibility that ties itself with freedom is extensive and I am Sisyphus with an emptier rock and gradual hill. 

- thank you for the comments, they're super helpful and motivated me to do better and not give up :)

9 Comments
 

Without knowing your background, I think there are a couple things that are great to point out.  

- A lot of people do not have a perfectly linear career and often find themselves in other roles before IB. Don't be to hard on yourself if this is the path you have to end up taking as well 

- This is going to be the toughest job market we have had in a while and 2020-2022 was crazy with hiring. So don't be discouraged by this 

- Make sure that you are being very targeted in your applications,  I think we are entering a time where networking cannot be overlooked. It never hurts to be in front of people that have the ability to hire you.   

 
Most Helpful

I’m in tech and hiring froze up in 2020 at the height of the pandemic. It sucked, and it’s okay to not feel okay at times. I sent out 312 applications, had virtual zoom meetings and phone calls with tons of people to try and network my way in. Took 3.5 months to find a job (I tried my best to grind it out 14 hours a day). I took a less ideal position (in the SWE world I wasn’t an actual SWE, I was an SDET which is a more “middle office” type of function). Spent 1.5 years there and then upgraded to Platform Engineering (which is more “front office” in my world).

It was a grind but it works out if you choose it to work out. As others have commented, life is not linear (and would be boring if it was). Keep at it, don’t give up.

“The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.” - Nassim Taleb

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