3 IB LIFE HACKS I learned while in banking:
HACK 1) Come in early, turn on your computer, respond to email, go to the gym for 1 hour. ACCOMPLISHED: Your desk looks occupied, you come in fresh after the gym, you avoid getting a banker bod.
HACK 2) When you finish work earlier than expected but your boss isn’t expecting it until the AM, set up auto emailing on outlook to trigger an email while you are sleeping. ACCOMPLISHED: You avoid nonsense last minute comments, you appear to be working harder than you are, you are treated better in the AM as others think you pulled a late night.
HACK 3) Invest in 3rd party applications to complete tasks faster. Most run at $35-$50/ month (you have the extra cash) ACCOMPLISHED: Avoid stress of manually doing the job, work is done more professionally, you appear better than your peers for a small cost.
Do you guys have any IB LIFE HACKS to SHARE?
What are these third party applications that you speak of?
ha
Personally more of a fan working out at night but to each their own
Until your boss responds back immediately at 3am and you don't respond until 9. This trick is as old as time. Seems clever but can get you in trouble. Just send as late as possible before bed
Guys, guys, be nice to the lady. She just gave you some good hacks. To answer your question, here are the trending IB apps to check out:
Ah, that's the kind of information I was looking for. Thanks, man, appreciate it.
Logo intern is legendary
What banks are y'all at that don't give you BamSEC and logointern?
My bank donestn pay for this. We have to use free subscription. That's why I don't use it.
That is to BAMSEC and logointern, not you. And fellow richards
Just signed up for the free lifetime membership for http://www.letspartnerinstead.tk/</a">Memofi. Going to auction it off on WSO after I finally have the guts to quit my job..
Not seeing an option for a lifetime membership - am I blind?
I like to bring a mailman outfit to work. I go into the bathroom change into the mailman clothing and then put my suit in a fedex box so no one sees me leave. Don't forget the hat.
This is great. Wonder what happens when you're catching the elevator down with your MD and he recognizes you
your MD actually recognizes you? wow
If you're that stressed about it than enjoy a nice pleasant walk down the stairs instead
Jesus man, I haven't laughed this hard in a while... good stuff. I am going to start checking out all the mailmen to make sure they aren't my associates/analysts...
I was wondering how my associate dips without anyone noticing all the time
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I thought that mailman looked suspicious back in November..
PRO TIP: Don't put "Analyst" on your email signature so you are given more respect to those that do not know you personally (outside of your group/bank). If its just says your name + "Investment Banking" + GS or MS people will listen and respond. Works like a charm.
God bless you - I am now a "Managing Director"
Directors HATE this one weird trick to networking!
I actually just deleted my title out of my signature too, except now all the third party diligence questions come to me and I think I have to do more work?
This is an easy one - a plain and simple scheme. Leave at 5pm, call in your expensed seamless dinner to the office address after your dinner time threshold, call the restaurant directly and have them make a "handwritten" change to your apt address. Its free dinner and you're not at the office. Thank me later.
People were doing this at my old bank and someone got cut for it to be made an example of after accounting caught on so watch your back and be smart.
You worked for Wells Fargo? How are we supposed to trust any of your advice now lmao
You know they check when you scan in and out of the building vs. the nights when you order Seamless? Like, it's automated and red flags are brought up to reviewers. A bunch of people got caught at WF I think for doing stuff like this, as well as other schemes like handwritten taxi receipts. Really not worth testing the waters on this one.
Yes, WF SF had half of their group demolished bc of this. The group is in the shitter now because everyone left.
Good thing that they dont make you scan out of my bank - only in :)
It's crazy how greedy people will be - you're making £100k+ and still want to trick your bank into paying for your dinner.. c'mon
Honestly, it's not crazy people would try this. Many people look at free dinner as one of the perks of the job. You don't (usually) get 3 dinner allowances if you're crushed til 6 AM. Is it a big deal if you get out early and order the free meal? Really?
What's crazy is how much banking has changed - how much more margin pressure banks are under - that they even care about this stuff. It's squabbling over pennies. It's why all-in analyst comp basically hasn't increased since 2006 (FYI that's 14 years)
Trying to get free dinner when you work 12hrs a day for a bank that offers free dinner after a certain time just to keep you in the office to work longer... This is morally justified for sure
Don’t do this. Seriously, just don’t. Its not worth getting fired because you are too cheap to cough up $15 for dinner. If you really want dinner, work until 8 every night on a side project if you finish your work
..
a good hack is to put on red light mode on your screen - saves your eyes and prevents headaches. turn off when doing colour related shit like ppts and charts etc but otherwise good to leave it on.
parlay this with some blue light glasses and your eyes will thank you forever.
If you do this consistently, try turning it off at night if you have hours of edits dumped on you at ~11 PM. You'll notice a different and feel much more awake.
Use a less crowded floor's bathroom when going #2
How do I get onto that floor though when you have to have key card access? Should I steal one from the security guard? He can't fault me for stealing it as anyone would understand how important it is to take a solid shit.
Shit in front of the guard. Assert dominance.
Especially true if you have digestive issues and the cubicles don't each have their own toilet brush
life hack: work hard. be nice.
Hang up your coat/jacket in a closet far away from your desk and ideally far away from your group. When you are ready to leave for the day at 6 or 7pm dont log off and dont say bye. People may assume you are grabbing seamless or meeting an md down the hall. Everyone else has their jacket on their chair or in closet next to their desk so they have to make a big scene putting on their coat to leave for the day. You will avoid this and stay under the radar. Huge hack.
Also dont carry a bag to the office. Helps you leave more discreetly.
Look at mypost below of peole still noticng. Not going to matter. Agreed that at surface level thsee make sense though
People will notice regardless when one of the talkative analysts says to the whole group that where is BAdDeadflow? He always disappears at 6.
I hate this office gossip. Know ana analyst who would disappear for dinner with his gf for an hour and everyone would constantly ask him (analysts and above) where he was during that time (even though he wasn't on any live deals or getting chased)
What a pain and how nosy of people
Have gallons of water at your desk and stay hydrated
some laptops shut down after no use for an hour per firm policy. use window media player and turn off volume to sneak out for a few hours at night to the local gym or socialize
My VPN connection thing always logs off after 10 mins of inactivity. I hope this works so I can keep my computer on the whold eay!
If it doesn't work just get a miniature treadmill for your mouse
Windows media player works like a charm!
So if I leave it, then my computer will not log off on its own?
Golden advice. Bonus if you have a gym in your building so when someone pings you with an ASAP request, you can just pop back upstairs to fire it out and then get back to working out.
Socializing is a bit harder, but I don't care if I look like a tool with my laptop out at a bar. I'll do it so I can get back to drinking beers 10 minutes later.
Buy a CRU Dataport mouse jiggler, creates constant mouse activity and the computer identifies it as a regular USB mouse so no one can tell that's what you're doing
just an energy setting on your PC/laptop- even without admin rights you can normally change this
WFH hack: change the inactivity setting on Skype from 5 mins to 60 mins
100%. I do this all time lol.
Dude, you need to switch to Away permanently. That way, no one will know you are actually online because everyone knows you cant be away for 4 days...
Feel like this could be a bad look - dont you think ?
Start hooking up with a younger analyst so she does all your work
Haven't tried myself but have heard of stories - any firsthand accounts anyone is willing to entertain us with?
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More like you do all of her work for her. She knows she is in control and you desire what she has. She doesn't necessarily want whatyou have as she can get it from any other analyst or person on a dating app (like 60+ people)
Never give a definite time to completion! Even though you might think it will take you 1/2hrs to complete something, things usually take longer than expected. Just say you will provide a draft when possible!
"Will have over to you shortly" is my go to
Exactly... I like to say what I am currently working on if its going to be prioritized too.
I like to throw down a "will get this to you in due course" every once in a while as well. Nice change up
Get this to you in 15 minutes - don't worry... MD 1 day later: "can I see a draft?" You 1 day later "I actually haven't been able to get to it.."
Not bad life hacks. I concur with the above comments.
hack 2 won’t work if your MD responds while you are asleep unless you can wake up to email notifications
I like these
Be kind to your Indian outsourced helpers. Make friends with them and they will definitely make your life easier
My MD married his factset technical support rep because they talked every night.. NOT JOKING
I’ve heard this story and know what bank you work at. Healthcare group MD, rightt
That is both heartwarming yet so sad at the same time :')
Hack 2 makes no sense. At what shop would directors give you credit for sending a late night email to indicate you are “pulling a late night.” If anything, it would indicate to them that you’re wildly inefficient at your job and unnecessarily compromised due to lack of sleep.
Be careful yes
MDs are smarter than you think..
Might be obvious, but take your notes using Evernote. Having all your notes aggregated in one software platform (as opposed to taking notes in word, saving individual files for notes for each call, etc.) makes it incredibly easy to find information. The search bar in Evernote has saved me a ton of time.
I used to put a stapler/other item on my space bar and leave the office for an hour at night to go work out. Keeps your screen from going to screen saver. Bonus points if you leave your chair out, as if you just got up for a second and haven't come back yet.
Change your default text/font in Outlook to match whatever mobile software you use for email. No one will be able to tell if you are emailing from your phone or your computer.
EVERNOTE is a compliance breach at my firm. Use OneNote instaed
Did this too but then MD came back after night out and saw and got pissed
You're an idiot if you don't already do this.
True on pt3 except at least in Outlook responses with RE are from computers and Re are from mobile app (iphone or ipad). Junior bankers probably know this but MDs probably have no clue...
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I don't understand why people just post periods on this forum... makes no sense
It's because tthey deletd their orignial psto
Few thing from my time years ago:
You can also get larger monitors if you ask at my company - ask them!
The best thing to do if you need something and it is out of your power is simply to talk to the right person
How do you frame the CYA email without sounding weird? Just “hey, here is a recap of what we talked about”?
Yea, its usually good to use the "action items" phrase in there.
How do you make friends with people at IT?
Poster: Hey you should use apps to help you out in your career!
User: Thanks a lot that sounds pretty useful, what kind of apps do you recommend?
Poster: What the fuck is wrong with you, google it you dumbass
User: Pikachu :o face
lol
wrecked
Poster: Trying to make amends with the user ever since haha
HACK - Disconnect your Directors keyboard and mouse before they come into work after a bender.. Works like a charm.
This comment is giving me all sorts of ideas...
Sticky notes on the bottom of the mouse covering the sensor works too
Holy shit check out OP's SB to MS ratio.
wtf does that mean?
And I thought my ratiio was the highest on this forum
edit: posted twice
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