IB LIFE HACKS
3 IB LIFE HACKS I learned while in banking:
HACK 1) Come in early, turn on your computer, respond to email, go to the gym for 1 hour.
ACCOMPLISHED: Your desk looks occupied, you come in fresh after the gym, you avoid getting a banker bod.
HACK 2) When you finish work earlier than expected but your boss isn’t expecting it until the AM, set up auto emailing on outlook to trigger an email while you are sleeping.
ACCOMPLISHED: You avoid nonsense last minute comments, you appear to be working harder than you are, you are treated better in the AM as others think you pulled a late night.
HACK 3) Invest in 3rd party applications to complete tasks faster. Most run at $35-$50/ month (you have the extra cash)
ACCOMPLISHED: Avoid stress of manually doing the job, work is done more professionally, you appear better than your peers for a small cost.
Do you guys have any IB LIFE HACKS to SHARE?
What are these third party applications that you speak of?
Until your boss responds back immediately at 3am and you don't respond until 9. This trick is as old as time. Seems clever but can get you in trouble. Just send as late as possible before bed
Guys, guys, be nice to the lady. She just gave you some good hacks. To answer your question, here are the trending IB apps to check out:
Ah, that's the kind of information I was looking for. Thanks, man, appreciate it.
Logo intern is legendary
Just signed up for the free lifetime membership for Memofi. Going to auction it off on WSO after I finally have the guts to quit my job..
I like to bring a mailman outfit to work. I go into the bathroom change into the mailman clothing and then put my suit in a fedex box so no one sees me leave. Don't forget the hat.
This is great. Wonder what happens when you're catching the elevator down with your MD and he recognizes you
your MD actually recognizes you? wow
Jesus man, I haven't laughed this hard in a while... good stuff. I am going to start checking out all the mailmen to make sure they aren't my associates/analysts...
I thought that mailman looked suspicious back in November..
PRO TIP: Don't put "Analyst" on your email signature so you are given more respect to those that do not know you personally (outside of your group/bank). If its just says your name + "Investment Banking" + GS or MS people will listen and respond. Works like a charm.
God bless you - I am now a "Managing Director"
Directors HATE this one weird trick to networking!
This is an easy one - a plain and simple scheme. Leave at 5pm, call in your expensed seamless dinner to the office address after your dinner time threshold, call the restaurant directly and have them make a "handwritten" change to your apt address. Its free dinner and you're not at the office. Thank me later.
People were doing this at my old bank and someone got cut for it to be made an example of after accounting caught on so watch your back and be smart.
You worked for Wells Fargo? How are we supposed to trust any of your advice now lmao
You know they check when you scan in and out of the building vs. the nights when you order Seamless? Like, it's automated and red flags are brought up to reviewers. A bunch of people got caught at WF I think for doing stuff like this, as well as other schemes like handwritten taxi receipts. Really not worth testing the waters on this one.
It's crazy how greedy people will be - you're making £100k+ and still want to trick your bank into paying for your dinner.. c'mon
Honestly, it's not crazy people would try this. Many people look at free dinner as one of the perks of the job. You don't (usually) get 3 dinner allowances if you're crushed til 6 AM. Is it a big deal if you get out early and order the free meal? Really?
What's crazy is how much banking has changed - how much more margin pressure banks are under - that they even care about this stuff. It's squabbling over pennies. It's why all-in analyst comp basically hasn't increased since 2006 (FYI that's 14 years)
Don’t do this. Seriously, just don’t. Its not worth getting fired because you are too cheap to cough up $15 for dinner. If you really want dinner, work until 8 every night on a side project if you finish your work
a good hack is to put on red light mode on your screen - saves your eyes and prevents headaches. turn off when doing colour related shit like ppts and charts etc but otherwise good to leave it on.
Use a less crowded floor's bathroom when going #2
How do I get onto that floor though when you have to have key card access? Should I steal one from the security guard? He can't fault me for stealing it as anyone would understand how important it is to take a solid shit.
Shit in front of the guard. Assert dominance.
some laptops shut down after no use for an hour per firm policy. use window media player and turn off volume to sneak out for a few hours at night to the local gym or socialize
If it doesn't work just get a miniature treadmill for your mouse
WFH hack: change the inactivity setting on Skype from 5 mins to 60 mins
Dude, you need to switch to Away permanently. That way, no one will know you are actually online because everyone knows you cant be away for 4 days...
My MD married his factset technical support rep because they talked every night.. NOT JOKING
Might be obvious, but take your notes using Evernote. Having all your notes aggregated in one software platform (as opposed to taking notes in word, saving individual files for notes for each call, etc.) makes it incredibly easy to find information. The search bar in Evernote has saved me a ton of time.
I used to put a stapler/other item on my space bar and leave the office for an hour at night to go work out. Keeps your screen from going to screen saver. Bonus points if you leave your chair out, as if you just got up for a second and haven't come back yet.
Change your default text/font in Outlook to match whatever mobile software you use for email. No one will be able to tell if you are emailing from your phone or your computer.
Poster: Hey you should use apps to help you out in your career!
User: Thanks a lot that sounds pretty useful, what kind of apps do you recommend?
Poster: What the fuck is wrong with you, google it you dumbass
User: Pikachu :o face
What about quiting your IB job... that sounds like a life hack and a half