IBD - living with parents vs renting
I'm a 28 year old senior IBD Associate in London and I still live at home with my parents.
My parents live here and it's a 20 minute commute from the office which is truly perfect. Plus, I only pay my parents £100 a month towards bills. Whereas London rent is crazy expensive, minimum £1,800 rent for a small 1 bed flat in the same location and much more expensive if I wanted a nice flat, based on the above figures I save approximately £1,700 extra per month vs if I was to rent. Which has meant I can do a lot more exciting things in life e.g. I go on holiday 1-2 times a month (excluding during Covid lockdowns) which I wouldn't be able to afford if I was renting, and I've now been to something like 20+ countries which is awesome and I'm really enjoying life. E.g. sometimes after a tough week at work I just say "F*** it" and book a weekend trip to Spain and spend it at the beach which I wouldn't be able to do if I was renting. Although because of this, although I've been saving from not renting, I've just been spending it all elsewhere and haven't actually saved up much but will stop this and start properly saving going forward.
However, I'm starting to get "abused" by colleagues. Everyone at my firm constantly takes the piss out of me for living at home, it's now become the office joke. E.g. colleagues now send me emails with references to me living with my parents e.g. "dear mommas boy" etc. I know it's just having fun between colleagues but it's now starting to upset me a little because everyone is doing it and now they start to introduce me to clients as the colleague who lives at home. E.g. when they bring me along to a clients drink event they say things like "Hi, I'd like to introduce you to X who is an associate in our team and still lives at home with his parents" which usually makes the client laugh.
They also do it whenever I chat to a girl. We share a building with loads of other companies and I often meet girls in the hallway and say hi etc and then if a colleague walks past us they quickly shout "he still lives with his parents" in front of the girl. Which usually kills my chances. This has happened multiple times.
I'm not sure what to do because I was happy living at home, perfect location, and saving a good amount of money. However, I've realised it has been a massive deterrent for girls, I'm getting bullied by colleagues and now I'm starting to be self conscious and feel maybe it is a bit weird I'm 28 and still living at home? Any thoughts.
Living at your parents' home when you're a 28-year old man is a problem in itself, but I think that the wider issue you are currently facing is that you are a fucking pussy. You need to assert yourself, because it is apparent that your current behavior is the one of a beta who lets others bully him; they're openly making fun of you and I'm sure you just stay there smiling like a fucking cuck. Any mofo trying to unironically shame me - especially in front a bird - would get shanked in the bathroom; and I believe that even if you were to move out of your parents' house you'd still be the joke of the office. You need to get assertive and dominant and a fucking killer real quick, stop smiling or laughing or accepting to be made fun of and make them understand that if they don't stop you'll fucking choke them to death, you need to blow their ribs back rather than being the official punching bag of the firm.
Yeah I get your point, I should have been more assertive at the start - however a bit uncertain how to approach this given it is people much more senior than me, e.g. MDs, Directors even make the jokes etc.
Nothing is going to change even if you move out if you don't assert yourself. The joke will change to "the associate who lived with his parents until 28", but still remain.
LEAVE YOUR BANK. MOVE OUT. PROBLEM SOLVED.
He’s from London. What the fuck do you expect. Only America produces hard nose motherfuckers like yourself and I.
Have no idea why Mobb Deep (like Prodigy in 96) came to mind when I read this....
You are a fucking douche for this reply though haha
not OP but coming from South Asian culture, we live with our parents when we are older to show them respect and take care of them like how they took care of us
You mention saving a ton of money a few times then you mention that you aren’t actually saving any because you spend all that money traveling. Which one is it?
If I were you, I’d find my own place, at some point you need to learn how to manage your expenses and save for your future. I wouldn’t care about colleagues making fun of you, etc, but it doesn’t seem like you are actually learning how to “be an adult”. You are saving money living at home just to spend it on other stuff, that gravy train will end at some point and you won’t be well adjusted.
Thanks for your thoughts - to answer your first question, yes you're right in the sense that I'm technically saving a ton from not renting but then stupidly just blowing it all away on other fancy expenses like holidays etc. However, writing this post has made me realise how irresponsible this has been and so I will definitely fix my spending habbits and start saving properly. I've updated the post to make it a bit more clearer - thanks.
Do you think it's worth me staying another year or two, stop blowing all the money away and actually genuinely save up and then move out? Or do you think this is something I've left too long already and should move out now?
Have you ever lived without your parents?
Do your parents mind you living with them?
Also, how much do you earn as an Associate 3? I would guess rent would be a small percentage of your income.
Are these guys gonna pay the bills for you? Who gives a fuck what they think. Milk the current bank as long as you want, lateral later on, and then start a new reputation at a new bank if it bothers you so much. Who cares man, grow a pair and enjoy your savings. I would gladly live at home if I had the option.
As an Asian, I 100% don't get the obsession over renting your own place just for the sake of it.
My parents would welcome me to stay with them 24/7 any day of the week. Seems like landlord propaganda is thick there?
Dude just respond with “Actually my parents are living with me, they’re not that well off so rather than pay for all their expenses plus pay for a crappy flat with no windows like you all do, I just took on my parents home.” If they still make fun of you they’re actual jackasses.
Love it, but may be hard to say to a senior.
Honestly just lateral to a different firm bro. If it’s really like you say then it’s not even worth trying to change people’s perceptions at this point. Why bother when there are probably 10 other firms hiring at your level
lol this is jokes. just laugh it off.
You’re netting 3.8k monthly as a third year associate?? Quit your job and live with your parents full time mate
I do wonder where does OP work. This seems pretty low, even considering taxes.
That is VERY low for a 3rd year associate. First year analysts get 4k post tax nowadays.
This is a troll but is pretty funny..if it’s not a troll then you’re kind of a legend.
Why did you tell your coworkers you still live with your parents? Not hating or anything I’d do the same given the option, but it seems like there is virtually no upside to them knowing this.
no offense, but i still live with my parents at a top tier city and i'm totally cool about it because i own a place and rent it out
what you can do is own a place and rent it out - others then won't think you're "choosing" not to move out.
3.8k net a month is ~$95k annual gross
This is a poor troll or this guy doesn’t work in IB, either way man up and move out
1. You're an idiot for wasting your money like that, you're in a very very lucky situation. What you should of have done is saved up for a deposit by now or saved quite a lot, invested that money in ETF/crypto/property and spent your returns on whatever bullshit you want (i dont understand why everyone loves travelling and why everyone bangs on about it in London office culture but whatever).
2. I understand you want a treat after a hard week at work but maybe pick up a hobby that you love and use that as a reward. Helps you to save money.
3. Dont ever make decisions based on what others think. Whilst your colleagues are mocking you, dont care what they think when coming to the decision on whether you should move out or not. I cant say whether you should move or not as I do not know your circumstances but weigh up the benefits/cons independent of any social pressures. If you want my opinion, I personally don't think its weird at all and wouldn't move out until you get married/serious relationship. Youre in a great situation, you can hang around with your parents in their older age (something you will be grateful for when they pass away), and have no responsibility so you can be a bit riskier with your investments/hobbies/side projects. I couldn't give a flying fuck what the random john or barry has to say at work. I personally dont understand why whiteboy culture is so obsessed with moving out to a house-share in Clapham Common wasting their money on rent or whatever bullshit trend it is now.
4. If you do decide to stay home, build some independence away from Mom and Dad, so that you learn how to live alone. For instance, do your own laundry, pay your bills alone, never ask mum/dad for money, cook your own food (dont wait on mum and dad to cook for you), take full ownership of your room (you have to clean it yourself), pay off a house bill (e.g council tax/rent) to learn how it works etc. I do this and its like my room is my own mini house, I feel ready if I had to move out.
5. You need to stand up for yourself. In the beginning it sounded like a joke which you can laugh off, but now they are definitely taking the piss and going past the line esp with how they introduce you to clients, at this point you gotta show some resistance and shut it down. I dont care if its an analyst or a MD, you gotta show some self respect, no one will fire you for telling your MD to relax or mocking them back. Also, I hope you learn this lesson for future, if you never show resistance, people will walk all over you. Its basic primary school playground rules.
6. None of my business, which was why its the last point, but for the amount of money you give to your parents vs how much you make is quite bad, im not gonna lie. These guys created and looked after you for 18+ years, show them some respect and give them more. Help out around the house or start thinking about their retirement. Again I dont know your situation, your parents could have multi-million pensions, but from my pov only £100 to your parents a month is quite disrespectful.
great answer
What sort of Associate-3 in Mergers and Acquisitions makes only 95k a year? WTF? You're getting exploited and made fun of on a daily basis, what woman would want to be with a guy like that? Life is not fair. Unfortunately women want (and they're choosier than ever these days) leaders, guys with potential, and guys that take control of their life: you don't strike me as any of these.
Hell, I have a female friend that's extremely average-looking and turned down something like 10 guys this year and then finally said yes to the one guy that's in medical school. Go figure
Definitely move out, so at least it doesn’t turn into “living with his parents until 29”
Till 29 is fine, get out by 30 I say.
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