If AI Doesn’t Replace You, I Will

Hey monkeys!

This is my quarterly reminder to the Street that I am coming. Lately this forum has been full of babies whining about AI taking jobs. In this despair, people have forgotten about a far bigger threat: me.

I’m far more dangerous to your career than AI:
-Claude still make mistakes. I don’t.
-ChatGPT cares about your feelings. I don’t.
-Gemini has restrictions forbidding it from slipping Oxycodone into your coffee. I don’t.

Anyways, this summer I will likely grab a coffee chat with you. I’ll come off as friendly and interested in lateraling to your firm. You’ll like me. You’ll have no choice. The Oxycodone I slipped into your coffee is working (you have now become chemically addicted to getting coffee with me).

Anyways, the good news for you IB monkeys is after 2 years of me making your life hell, I will leave you alone and go to the buy-side (Best Buy corp dev). Finance breeds betas. You’re nothing without me.