Burner account for venting purposes. I'm tired.
I'm tired of working at a bank that never wins M&A. I bet they don't feel this way at Lazard.
I'm tired of the umpteen thousandth pitch where footnotes and alignments are scrutinized when you, me, the guy next door, the MD and the client know that no business will result. There is a higher probability of me getting blown by Kate Upton on my subway ride home than you getting mandated after this shitty pitch. You add no value, sad little MD. They'll just go to Goldman.
I'm tired of having a good attitude. If you come up to me with one more negative value comment, I just might turn that smile upside down and tell you to go fuck yourself.
I'm tired of MDs peacocking all day and speaking large when we all know behind closed doors they're begging clients to return their calls. Just be honest with your team man - you really need to get this deal for your P&L so you're not clinging to the bank's teet for the 3rd year in a row. At least your team will respect you.
I'm tired of the intellectual dishonesty and bullshit artistry plaguing this business. For an industry that pontificates that hard work is the greatest virtue, there is an unbelievable amount of half-assing it and general lack of curiosity throughout. Analyses based on made up bullshit with a +/- 50% margin of error does not demonstrate any "insight" to the client, nor does you turning it 10 times impress me.
I'm tired of the expectations of being a processing machine who is not allowed to have an off day, not allowed to just coast through another meaningless internal committee memo. Nobody gives a shit about these things - why must you pretend that people do when you review them? Moreover, I'm tired of always being held accountable for my trivial oversights, but the ship is steered by MDs who know fuck-all about fuck-all. Clowns who know dick about what they're doing and couldn't identify a valuable insight or meaningful contribution to a client's business if it walked up and hit them in the head.
I'm tired of deluding myself and being around others who are deluded in thinking that we're somehow superior to used car salesmen because we sit in a pretty office atop a tall building punching at keys all day. Finance is not cool. This job does not make you a special person. You're still peddling trinkets. We're glorified private industry bureaucrats. The reason we get paid is because there's a 100% 3 year turnover. They need your body and soul at least for a little while.
This job is balls.
For what it’s worth, a pretty well written rant.
Sounds like you’re burnt out. If you can, try and take at least a little bit of vacation to de-stress and also think about what you want. Is it more a matter of the bank/group you’re with is 2nd tier and that’s the most frustrating thing? If so... maybe you can look at a lateral move. Or, if after a bit of break you’ve come to the conclusion you’re done with banking (and not just at the analyst and associate levels, but also with the very idea of doing it as a career VP and up), then you can think about what are things that interest you and what roles have those components.
Might be good to chat with ex-bankers from multiple different new (current) jobs to get different perspectives.
Maybe you just wanted to rant. But figured I offer the above cause it’s very relatable to be immensely frustrated in a role.
If you are ranting to vent, you dont need to read further.
If you are ranting to get advice: quit while you are still sane. Who gives a fuck about money when you are completely empty and depressed. Get a job at a bar or something less stressful and stop thinking that you need IB in your life.
Atleast take some vacation and leave your phone and laptop in a closet. I just took a week off without laptop and phone and you will not believe how great you feel after such a small period with no stress.
I worked at a group that does cool M&A deals. It's not any better, just a bit different. Banking is banking.
The MD that is freaking about the pitches, is now just up your ass about every detail of the execution, because it looks even worse than not winning at all if the deal falls apart.
If anything, the hours will only get worse. The three bullshit pitches that got turned 10 times each just turn into one massive board deck that gets turned like 100 times, every slide redone the day before the meeting, with you running to LaGuardia to give books to the MDs.
The analytical work is also no more accurtate, which is down right scary given that boards are actually listening to the advice. I've had MDs tell me to fuck with the numbers in a dishonest manner more than I can count (stuff like "just mess w/ working cap, we can always equivovate on estimation differences there and make some stuff up"), we once knowingly altered comps data to show a trend the MD had mistakenly talked about on a call, which is really fucking bad, and I can't even count the number of other bullshit and lies we have put into live deal board decks.
And if you think you get more respect, think again. You're still an analyst, and everyone will still treat you like shit. Sure, the senior bankers are a bit smarter and you should respect some of them more, but they'll still treat you as though you're a homeless guy begging them for quarters every day.
Find something you like doing. I know, I know . . that's the same advice given to you by your high school guidance counseler, your college career office person, and probably your parents along with self-help gurus and other people who don't get you.
But I'm different from all those people, because I do get you. I read your rant, and it nicely summarized my own thoughts on IB. And like you, I also care about money. So I'm not one of those people telling you that "purpose" is bigger than money.
Instead I'll make a more practical observation: how many professions are there where the people at the top aren't rich? If you're the best at almost anything, you will do really well financially. Even the top non-profit people make good $ as CEOs of large non-profits.
I don't believe in high-paying industries and low-paying industries. I believe in successful people and unsuccessful people.
And needless to say, you're much more likely to succeed if you enjoy the work.
Very well written rant.
Whenever I get annoyed with management above me, it helps me to take a look at things from their perspective. Your MD has spent X years of his life to get to this prestigious position, probably thinking that everything will finally fall his way at this point. He's transitioning to a prospecting role that is new to him and he knows that he doesn't have the brand recognition of Goldman or Lazard. He knows he's fucked when he walks in the door. He's uncomfortable, he's not succeeding for the first time in his life, and he has bosses above him expecting results. Should he take his frustrations out at the office.... no. But at least you can understand why he might.
You couldn't.
Yeah IB is bs. Even the bigger banks don't provide value on deals. They sit there, awkwardly quiet during management presentations. They don't answer any financial questions (the CFO usually does). Their models, decks and CIMs constantly have errors. I've worked on so many middle market deals and I seriously don't remember the name of a single senior banker. But hey, at lest they get paid.
I can say the same about almost any corp dev group. It's awkward how little they know about deals and how much they rely on their bankers and outside counsel for working capital target negotiations, purchase agreement details, etc. And I'm not talking about one or two man shops.
Either your firm sucks, or you need to quit.
Seriously man, nothing is worth being as miserable as you come across in this post.
I am going on my 3rd year in this industry, and I still love every day. I love my team, I love my managers, some of the work is redundant, but unless you're a detective or CIA agent, I can't imagine many jobs not being somewhat redundant. I honestly wish I was busier at times. I enjoy everyone I work with, and when I need a day off to recover, I take it. Don't let the guy above you push you around to the extent you seemingly are.
+1 for quitting while you still have the good sense to realize its all stupid shit and you don't like it.
I have only ever been in commercial banking, but I was in a similar position and hated, just HATED, going into the office every day except to get together with my collegues and complain about how stupid everyone was and what a waste of time it all was. It was toxic and every single thing I did - literally, every single thing - went unappreciated or outright stolen and used by someone else to promote themselves and giving me no credit. The wrong people got to give opinions and management didn't give two shits about employee satisfaction, turnover, or anything. So despite essentially adding 10 years to my working life by walking away from the golden handcuffs, I quit and took 9 months off. Wish I could do it again every 10 years.
You have enough confidence in your abilities and knowledge to write a rant like this (and eloquently so) - you have transferable skills. Quit. Take some time off. Then get back in the game and find something you enjoy doing. Do it well and doors will open. It's tired and trite advice but its nevertheless true. Don't let your employer poison your soul.
BTDT, man. Not worth it. The way out is not through.
This resonate with me to my core.....4.5 years in a boutique group (not IB but similar financial function) doing acquisitions with a strike rate of ~5%. It was fine when I was just churning models as an analyst, because at least I felt like I was learning and progress was visible. Got bumped to Associate and that's where it started to turn south, day in and day out of mindlessly repetitive tasks meant for rejection. Finally had a break-down and long story short after quitting in a huff, I re-negotiated my position to be part time while I figured some stuff out. I went about it in a weird way but I highly suggest talking to your MD about it before you quit. In hindsight I should have been more upfront about how I was feeling in the role but in a competitive office it can be hard to assume that they will be heard with impunity. I know why a lot of people might think that's counter intuitive, but in this economy, people who are already trained/know the system are in shorter supply so you have a little leverage. Shoot me a PM if you are interested in talking
I really like how poetic your rant sounds. You are really good at writing.