International Workers/Students - How many of you have not moved on after you went back home

Hey guys feel free to chime in especially if you lived in the USA or UK. I NEEDED to get this off my chest thank you for reading. 

My story:

After going to a British International school in my home country, I moved to England and finished uni in 2017 after 3 years and prior to that did 2 years A Level (for Americans this is basically high school but its 2 years). 

After this I worked for 1 year before I was let go in 2018 due to the startup going under abruptly. All of a sudden I was out of a job and scrambled desperately for the one month the government gave me to find another job. In the end I had to leave the UK after 6 years and A MAJOR part of my identity was suddenly stripped from me.

My friends I had known for a better part of a decade suddenly became strangers I could only talk to over facetime. I made the mistake of having a girlfriend who I loved but couldn't bring myself to do a fake marriage due to lack of funds from both of us (the process was expensive and couldn't be done in haste due to legal loopholes being closed).

I came to the UK on a scholarship so my family wasn't all that rich. I cannot describe the horrible feeling of coming back home after only visiting yearly prior. I had zero friends and would literally stay home and watch porn all day and as you can guess, I am from a developing country so my standard of living became horrendous overnight. I was now earning in the local currency so couldn't afford to go the the nice part of the city to refresh plus due to me moving back my relationship with my parents became not as good so I had to move to an even worse part of town all this in the span of one month. One day, I was taking girls to dinner at The Shard, partying at Tape and Maddox, the next I was trying to catch a chicken to take to a butcher to beg to kill it for free since I had no cash and did not get laid for years. Watching my friends go to Greece, Monaco etc and enjoy their youth while I was struggling to survive was the most mentally damaging thing I have been through, I imagine its what being cuckolded against your wishes is like. 

Fast forward to 2022, I got a job in DCM in NYC after interviewing online (I have a US green card). And have lived here for 6ish months now, but that trauma still lingers daily, I have this nagging feeling to move back to london, almost like I want to reclaim my past life and those lost years, my friends are egging me to do it as well. I have no friends in NYC but I'm paid well and love the standard of living so will stay at my bank for at least 2 years before making the decision, i am far better off than some people who move back and can never return for a myriad of reasons. 

When I see stories of workers on a visa losing their jobs or students having to move back after school, I wonder if its as traumatic as mine.

I am actually too ashamed to tell anyone in real life how it affected me for some reason, maybe its bravado? I am even ashamed to say this on here and its anonymous. I don't want to look like a refugee begging to stay in another persons country. Not sure, but I never bring up all the suicidal thoughts I still have when I think about my almost fiance and mother of my kids who has now moved on, some of my friends who I loved but no longer check up on me and have bonded well without me and not having a single soul to hit up a bar in NYC. I was in england from 16 - 22 which may not seem like a lot but damn thats where you really develop who "you" are.

So, do any of you feel what I'm saying? or know anyone that has gone through something similar.