OCR: The Saga Continues (Alternate Title: I Now Have Cancer of the Nose)
Mod Note (Andy) - We're reposting the top discussions from 2015, this one ranks #12 and was originally posted 10/4/2015.
Mod Note (Andy): See his original post here: "HEY you OCR little f*cks"
all schools are apparently filled with tweedledees and tweedle f*cking dums because all of the atrocities that led to my writing this post's older brother HAPPENED F*CKING AGAIN. im also starting to think that smarter kids are even dumber than their friends at the lesser ivys because the shit i saw and heard (and smelled) was just plain carcinogenic
1. don't f*cking walk in 40 minutes late and then push through the crowd of eager beavers to secure a good spot for mingling time (e.g. RIGHT in front of where we're sitting). don't be that guy at the movies who inconveniences everyone else because you just HAVE TO sit in the god damn middle seat. also, it's hard for whoever's presenting to try and not acknowledge you when your f*cking tank of a backpack just gave some poor kid a black eye. you are a dick. an awkward, clueless, disruptive dick. have fun mingling lol
2. guys, this isn't a f*cking randy dandy fashion extravaganza. do not wear a bow tie or a f*cking vest. cool it on the pink (or purple f*cking satin) shirts. your being the least obnoxious of the bunch is what should make you memorable, not your metrosexual choice of attire. AND GIRLS (all 11 of you) do not wear shit that you'd wear to the club or to a f*cking tea party. just because your dress code is more flexible doesn't mean that you can, like, omg, wear totally whatever tehehe. go put on a skirt suit at the very least, and not one with a skirt that looks like some gravitationally implausible bubble kind of shit
3. do not bring your resume. do not grip a stack of resumes in your hand. do not hand me your resume. what the hell do you think is the point of OCR? upload that shit online, moron. shoving that piece of paper in my face unwarranted just makes it easier for me to recommend your clueless ass for dingapalooza
4. dont go foraging at the refreshments table and proceed to straight up NOSH the entire time we're talking wtf????? that food spread was only ordered because it seemed like the natural thing to do, not because we wanted to provide you with a hearty dinner. are you kids seriously crazy?
5. dont stick your entire head up my ass and then act like a dick to the kids standing next to you. we see that shit and you're done, buddy. if you can't play nice with these harmless babies, it's all but guaranteed that you'll be a total pain in the ass on a late night. so play nice, wait in line, don't cut people off. this isn't f*cking kindergarten. you guys should already know all of this
6. lastly, don't wink wink nudge nudge ask if we're doing anything afterward. you know what we're doing? going home. we're each going to our respective homes to shower and wash off the scent of desperation and urgency that you little f*ckers have straight up RADIATED for the past three hours. even if we WERE to go grab a drink, it sure as hell wouldn't be with you, young stalker. so stop the winking. stop the nudging. i do not want to grab a drink with you; you are 11 years old. isn't it your bedtime already anyway?
Non-Target OCR : Definition of an Oxymoron
Surprised? Ivy league millenials can be some of the most self-entitled, egoistic yet awkward little fucks out there.
Source: Chairman of a BB firm.
And forgive the inevitable shit-flingers, for they know not what they do.
"alright, we will now have some informal networking"
My eyes widen and I sit bolt upright. I can feel sweat beginning to accumulate as I walk toward the front of the auditorium. I wipe my clammy hands on my dad's blazer and feel my throat tighten. The adrenaline has begun to kick in. I can feel my legs tremble and tighten with each step. My elite private high school has prepared me for this, for the real world. My 5'9" frame visibly shakes with anticipation, my breathing now comes in short sputters.
I reach the front of the auditorium. Here, the chosen son, I take my rightful position among the Gods.
Hilarious. If I were still in undergrad, I'd think this was a bit harsh, but now that I am on the other side, I can see how annoying I might have been.
I'm in undergrad (albeit at a non-target) and think it is so spot on and hilarious. I mean the whole "put others down and kiss ass to interviewer" happens everywhere in group interviews. It has happened to me when I was 16 during a group interview at a chipotle lol. Although the manager did act like he was doing "god's work" and said "There is no similarity between us and Subway whatsoever!" Talk about a prestige whore.
There's always that one kid in the group that acts like y'all are best pals already and will try to over-talk the rest of the kids. Apparently he also has a better life than Dan Bilzerian. Oh you went scuba diving in Hawaii? Well he went swimming with sharks in the Great Barrier Reef. Oh you like to deer hunt? Well he hunts bears in Alaska.
The worst.
6/10
awwwww what? only 6/10? so... 60%???? 60% = a D... i've never received anything lower than an A- in MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE, EVEN DURING MY STINT AS A ZYGOTE. don't you know i'm special? you can't give me a D!!!!!! what can i do? do you want to see my unofficial transcript? my resume? my personal photo? http://jdemployed.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Special-Snowflake-Synd… i am not "D" material—i go to a target!!! can i do extra credit? or maybe i can prove myself to you during an informal apprenticeship to take place from May to Aug 2016? sound fair?