Quitting after 1 HOUR of interning
Fresh out of Wharton (yes, THE Wharton), I recently stepped into the hallowed halls of Goldman Sachs as a summer intern. Ah! The smell of ambition in the air, the relentless clicking of keyboards, and the sly, knowing smiles of people who could buy an island if they wanted - it was a dream come true!
But dear friends, that dream lasted for exactly ONE HOUR.
Yes, you read it right. Sixty minutes into the internship and I was out the revolving door faster than the market changes direction on a Fed rate hike hint.
Why? You might ask. Let's just say I did my bit for work-life balance.
At minute 25 of my first hour, after being bombarded with a flood of Bloomberg Terminal tutorial links, I casually asked about lunch break times. The question was met with a cacophony of laughter. The sheer audacity of my query apparently provided the comic relief everyone needed.
At minute 37, I innocently inquired about the location of the gym. When told "There's a Planet Fitness down the street you can use after work hours," I countered with "I meant the one in the office building." The silence that followed was deafening. The icy stares would have shamed the Night King.
At minute 42, I gently suggested a daily meditation slot for the team. I was greeted with a blank look followed by the phrase, "Sure, feel free to meditate while sorting through these financial reports."
At minute 51, I expressed my reservations about the lack of natural light in the office. Apparently, I was the first to notice this 'trivial detail' since the building's construction in the 1960s.
At minute 60, I tendered my resignation
Working one hour in an internship is paradise
"At minute 55, to reduce my cortisol levels after hearing the passive-aggressiveness of other analysts and associates towards my concerns and questions, I busted a nut in the building's WC. That was the moment when everything made sense but also became senseless: Why am I here? What's there to gain from it? Am I who I am? Everything is a mere passage of time and my presence in this metaphysical social construct called "Investment Banking" is futile; the tunnel towards my introspective ego sparkled a small flame that resembled the one my ancestors would spark in the cave, after a long day of hunting, and it put things in perspective: Is that all? The nothingness of ambition? The unpalatable and misunderstood glory? I couldn't bare it more. Those thoughts started to eat my brain alive. The dryness of their foundation shook my existential thought sending the message that I must escape. At that moment, I decided that resignation was imminent. For it is the vital consciousness that must defeat the inanimate spirit of the flesh that lead me here, in this place, unconditionally of my consciousness".
"At minute 60, I tendered my resignation".
Post-nut clarity somewhere in Manhattan, NYC, circa 2023.
Busting raises cortisol pls fix
With essays like these, I now fully understand how you all make it there.
On a serious note, your written english great (assuming this isn't copy pasta), can you suggest some good books to improve my command over the language? Both fiction/non fiction.
just read a lot
bear* pls fix thx
Can already see the LinkedIn influencer headline “Here’s what I learned working at the most powerful bank in the world, Goldman Sachs”
"10 lessons I learned working at GS"
Goldman does have a gym in office from my knowledge, isn't it on the 10th floor ???
Only 10th? I heard JPM has theirs accessible by private elevator on rooftop.
Also don’t EBs offer complimentary lipo?
I’m in MM so only dreaming of what the top floors look like.
I heard lipo is complimentary only for top bucket juniors.
beta
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