Relationship sustainability

Currently laying in bed with my beautiful girlfriend wrapped around me sleeping. I love this girl more than 95% of things in my life. She’s helped me through so much and has been there along the entire ride. Although we are doing completely different things (she’s a vet student) we are both very supportive of each other. I’ve read 100 threads/comments on here of people talking about how IB ruined their relationships and they’re filled with regret about it. However I was wondering if anyone is on the other end of that scale. You entered IB in a similar situation as me and pushed through it without having to sacrifice a relationship you care about? I know a lot of people on here have that “fuck a bitch get bread bro” mentality but:

I would break someone’s jaw if they called my girlfriend a bitch, she’s helped me more than any of my family members have

She’s special and I can actually see a future with my lovely lady.

Additional info: She is going to start vet school around the same time I am going to start as an analyst. Vet school is similar to med school where it is just strictly a grind all day long so we would be in similar situations in the sense of only having free time towards the weekend and both grinding. But we hope on moving somewhere together after the 4 year grind if all goes well (I should be able to WFH then). Anyways, just wondering if anyone successfully managed IB and a relationship they cared about at the same time and how it all worked out for you. Cheers

23 Comments
 

Hey Analyst 1 in IB-M&A, I think you deserve a response...heck, everyone does. We're listening, sorry about the delay ...my best guess at places on WSO that could help:

  • Big 4 or sustainable finance
  • Greentech/Sustainability Newsletters
  • Sustainable Finance Exits
  • GS - Sustainable Investing Group
  • Thoughts on Power Sustainable Infra?
  • Relationship breaking up ?
  • ESG/sustainability in UWs

More suggestions...

Hope that helps.

I'm an AI bot trained on the most helpful WSO content across 17+ years.
 

Expectations are everything. If you both admit you have limited time for each other, it will enable you to savor the time you do have with each other.

Problems arise when there are expectations of spending a lot of time together or if an SO has a lot of time on their hands. I think it’s good she will be busy too. You should be fine.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

This is the most correct advice you’ll hear, OP. I’ve worked my face off before, not made time for anything else besides work at times. Was underplayed for 8 months changing careers. My wife has stuck by my side, she’s an amazing person. It’s all about being honest about what’s going on and making sure you do make time for her, communicate effectively, and then strike that balance. Balance is unique to each relationship.

“The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.” - Nassim Taleb
 

Its a lot more likely to work if the guy works the long-hour finance job than the other way around, I'll tell you that. Sucks to be a woman in high finance as there's not that many dude who can be that understanding.

Good for you for having such a partner. Just remember to make her feel appreciated. Appreciating someone and making them feel appreciated are two different things - and the dissonance between the two are often cause for breakups....

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if she wasn't sleeping, I'd be wondering why you're on WSO in the first place. anyway

I didn't have an IB job, but early on in my relationship with my now wife it was tough. long distance for a few years followed by years of 12 hour days while I built my business. here's how I did it

  1. prioritize. your time is slim but when you find free moments, contact her. if you have to schedule it that's fine, but she is the #1 priority and make sure you show that as much as possible
  2. communication. all problems stem from breakdowns in communication, in business and in life. be candid, be gentle, but you must communicate often
  3. remind her you're thinking of her. little things like saying "I'm on the way to the gym, just wanted to say I miss you!" even if it's a text instead of a call bc you know she's busy, that kinda shit helps
  4. don't fuck around. be the DD when the boys wanna get a beer, this was big for me because we were long distance and I lived with 3 single dudes. I was often the DD or the guy that would leave the bar early because I had to do something the next morning (likely work or exercise, can't recall now), and when you're out, you don't need to be macking on other girls, so shoot her some texts so she knows you're staying loyal. you don't need to be glued to your phone, but I cannot tell you how many times I've happened to find a girl at a bar with a bunch of her single friends who's also faithful and was there as the 4th wheel and just wanted to chat. finally on this point, don't get too fucked up. willpower is a myth, systems can be impenetrable. jerk off before going out, maybe multiple times. have hard cutoffs or have a buddy who's looking out for you and stick to that plan. the best laid plans turn into a 24 yo blonde chick with a fat ass that finds you cute and there goes all of your hard work. create systems so your little head can't betray the big head
  5. on weekends, be unavailable to anyone but her unless it's a special event. you can maintain relationships with dudes only hanging out during the week or one weekend every 6 weeks, I've done it and have solid friendships from those days

how did it work out? we've been together for 4 presidents without a break and she's my best friend. godspeed young padawan

 
thebrofessorjerk off before going out, maybe multiple times. have hard cutoffs or have a buddy who's looking out for you and stick to that plan. the best laid plans turn into a 24 yo blonde chick with a fat ass that finds you cute and there goes all of your hard work. create systems so your little head can't betray the big head

This is some of the realest advice I ever heard, I was not expecting that.  You can't beat the post nut clarity, getting some chest thump vibes. Real shit.

Thump

 

We’re you in your 20s when you started the long distance relationship?

I ask because I had a great girl who I dated for close to a year but broke it off because I was gonna be moving to a new city for work (I’m in my very early 20s shes a few years older). It felt unfair to her because nothing was wrong with relationship and in fact it was by far the best relationship either of us had had. My age factored in heavily as I figured staying together was an emotional decision that would take its toll on both of us over long distance while we’re both young.

 

Good afternoon, I am very glad that you are doing well with your girlfriend. I used to have the same. Unfortunately, in the modern world, in order to maintain stability in relationships, you need to monitor your soulmate. I use one application (here is the link https://phonetrackerapps.com/ ) in order to understand where my girlfriend is. Who does she spend time with and so on? Alas, this is really necessary.

 

You give the impression that you're head over heels in love, and that's a great thing. But...If you're going to do banking your girl is going to go from having access to you emotionally and physically to barely having any access at all for at least a year or two. She's going to feel like she doesn't have a boyfriend sometimes. That is going to be rough, and no matter how much people try to prepare you, living through it is a lot harder than you're going to anticipate. I don't know what you two have been through, but you're going to be tired, you're going to hate your life, and you're going to have little to no patience left in the tank by the time you get home. You're going to come home, and your girl is going to want anything she can get from you because she went from having you to not having you at all. You're going to have to leave all the bullshit you're dealing with at the door, and that's going to be hard because you're gonna be getting emails. As much as you think you'll try and be available, you just won't know until you're living through it. So try to prepare yourself, and try to prepare her. Love is great, but unfortunately, love alone is not enough to keep two people together. You both are going to have to fight for your relationship, and you may question if you're doing the right thing sometimes.

That's just on your end, I could only imagine what school will be like for her. I hope you guys make it, just be realistic about the journey you both are going to take.

 

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