Serious guide to surviving impostor syndrome in IB
I started an off-cycle internship at a BB 6 weeks ago. Things are going well work-wise: I got placed in a solid team, I seem to connect well with my coworkers regarding work matters, and so far I have delivered everything well before deadlines with great feedback. But, bros, I'm feeling so out of place. Everyone is charismatic, social, attractive, and has an interesting character. Exactly the opposite of me. I used to complain about parts of uni being elitist, but this is a different level 💀. EVERYONE is elitist.
During lunchtime people talk about their great adventures and very interesting stories and I just feel like a total stranger. I think to myself MAN what a mediocre life I have. I have literally nothing in common with most of them. I once tried to sound interesting by saying my rank in league of legends and by god I could hear their teeth almost shattering from the cringe. It's not like I'm ashamed of growing up poor or I haven't had the chance to travel the world and have a great hedonistic life. But this feeling I have that I don't belong here is worrying me about my prospects here long-term. I may not connect the best with seniors and therefore be less visible in the future. Likability plays a big role in this field. I don't see myself interesting enough for my coworkers to talk to. Even when we went to get drinks, I'd just stand alone and no one would talk to me.
What do I do bros I'm worried asf 😔
I hear you, and I felt the same when I started even at university, let alone this industry. I even changed things about myself to fit in, and I wish I hadn't. But this isn't about me. Don't change who you are. I'm going to make two points.
!) Firstly, what I'm about to say may shock you. But it is fucking EVERYTHING. People care about your personality a lot less than you think. The spotlight effect is real. What matters is your capabilities. If you're that trustworthy analyst that gets my books done without mistakes, guesses what I want to do before I tell you (e.g. update the transaction comps for a deal in the news, create the case study after the transaction closes, etc. etc.), is timely, has great formatting, etc., then I want you on the deal team. Sure, being likeable helps, but I don't work in this industry to make friends, especially with juniors (sorry but if it happens, great, but it's not a priority).At the more senior level, most of what clients value is your content, not your golf handicap. That means knowing which other sponsors are in the auction process for asset X, having an in-depth knowledge of the key risk factors of a specific industry, knowing which strategics are going into the IC exit paper, coming up with deal structures no one else thought of, etc. Just be the expert.
2) Don't compare yourself with people who have the benefit of 5, 10, or 20 years of much greater spending and travelling power. It would be extremely weird if you were better-travelled than you MD. Not even because of money but because simply of time. If you want to create conversation, ask them about those trips, those deals, etc. You'll become more interesting the more experiences you have (and to that point, as personal advice, do travel and have as many experiences as you can - not to improve your conversation but because life is fun. My Dad used to tell me to say yes to everything; you might love it, you might hate it, but you'll never forget it).
How the fuck did you get in? Diversity?
Didn’t you post about offing yourself if you don’t get into IB? This attitude explains why you’re not succeeding tbh. You should not think you’re entitled to it man or else you’ll just be adding to your pain forever
And what's wrong with diversity? Client advisory can be optimized by having that one guy who doesn't share the same blindspots as those who were from the same wealthy background in the exact same group of 15 First World countries. No amount of googling & research can remove certain cognitive blindspots – only literally growing up in a radically different corner of the world. This may not necessarily be as applicable to IB as it is to entrepreneurship – the end-consumers of a product will often never see the world the same way, or even grow up in the same country, as the category of people who are C-suite of major corporations, who can't relate to having financial challenges that prevent from leaving their local town for holidays or the financial challenge of not being able to save up €500 across 10 years because the worth of their local currency ensures that their annual salaries can never be significantly above €100 once converted to a First World currency
Well said man I don’t know why many people automatically assume that being of an average or below average background means you get a diversity advantage and therefore you’re bad, stealing someone else’s place, and deserve your impostor syndrome 💀. Really toxic and unjustifiable way of thinking that’s shockingly prevalent among ppl in this field
Well, they're humble, self-aware, and competent - so that's 3-0 up on you...
Giveadvicepls, you won't fail if you won't quit. Being an analyst is nothing, the real prestige in securing IB is what it can do for you long term. It's about the journey not the destination. Some people take longer to get there than others. You might think it's cope but the real cope is admitting defeat and not continuing to grind and network regardless of what setbacks you face. None of the people you look up to admitted defeat after being defeated, they refused to accept it and continued to work their ass off. This includes many who work in IB at the associate level.
aint no way bro said his rank on league of legends to flex.....absolutely baffled
Trust me—I can RELATE to being tempted to resorting to saying weird stuff (I never succumbed to the temptation though—at least I think so) just to be a token participant in a conversation when, as a London IB intern, your background is so radically disadvantaged & different from everyone else talking about their adventures (probably doxxed myself with that sentence). Saying such ridiculous stuff just not to feel anti-social during drinks begins to feel "not off the table" when you're in such shoes.
Clown moment man but like the other comment explained, moments of desperation mess up your thinking
- Outdated title
1. People want to talk more about themselves; if you let them, you will become more likable.
2. Develop a variety of interests: Of course, the other person can't do all the talking, so you should try to develop a diverse set of interests. It will take time, and it won't happen instantly, but you will be able to hold up a conversation for longer.
3. If you are a rockstar at your job, the respect will follow even without you talking about your 5-day cruise to the Bahamas.
Hope this helps, and best of luck.
No offense, but is this thread a troll?
I am struggling to see how a bunch of half-burnt out bankers would seem so charismatic and have so many interesting life stories, especially in the UK where people don’t take gap years during uni. What is likely happening here is that you’ve just started and are generally impressed by people who are socially at ease in an environment to which you’re new. In 6 months, you’re likely see all of these people as normal.
To the extent people in your group ARE actually that well-rounded, articulate and have life stories, then go ahead and learn from them and befriend them, you got yourself a nice social boost in life. I would add that if people actually have a very cool life in banking, it’s likely a nice group to be at.
Separately, if the issue comes from you not having done anything in your life besides studying, then go ahead. Travel when you can (don’t go to Spain, go to LATAM or Asia which will create better stories), try skydiving, surfing/kitesurfing, dancing, etc. Lastly, you should note that sounding interesting has more to do with your enthusiasm than with the actual stories. Learn how to storytell
I'm confused why it's shocking to you??? If anything I'd expect it to be more visible in London just due to the different recruiting dynamics (elite higher education being more accessible in the UK, London being a market for all European unis, for example). Junior seats in London do have this contrast between privileged upper class people and normal middle and lower middle class. In my team only there's an etonian associate with insufferable flex personality that just makes him look too cool and a South Asian analyst from a near totally impoverished background. They were both grads from Cambridge.
Idk if it's any different in the US, most likely it is, but this is definitely not satire at all
Regardless if you’re a good analyst you’ll be brought back. I would prefer nerdy kid who gets my stuff done on time then chad from unc who is late for everything and I need to explain it again.
Also, you’re gonna make a lot of money, you’ll now have the money to try these expensive hobbies, try to connect with ur coworkers and go with them. I bet some of the dudes like pickle ball and it’s easy for anyone to pick up on. Congrats on BB go get that return offer
Get people to talk about themselves, you can keep asking them questions about their background, or trips, or whatever else they like to talk about. You don't have to talk about yourself to participate in convo, and genuinely be interested and excited when they talk about stuff you'd like to try or do one day.
This.
If you can make people feel good about themselves/get them talking about their experience (make them feel like you're genuinely interested) they'll keep you in their circle.
It's the power of positive affirmation. When people feel positively affirmed when you're around they'll want to continue to have you around. And who knows... maybe they'll return the favor by getting to know you more too.
I think I can relate. I remember finding it really hard to find something to talk about with people on the floor, because
1. I knew nothing about them when I started
2. They’re going to make a decision about my return offer, so any social faux pas is not just putting my foot in my mouth, it’s also potentially costing me thousands of dollars in postgraduate income
While I was able to make decent friends with one of the other interns (who also accepted a return - yippee!) I remember there were a lot of times when I would just try and say anything to be involved in the conversation, which resulted in some truly cringe moments that still make my stomach feel tight many months afterwards even knowing that the people I was talking to actually do like me.
My advice that I wish I could tell myself: relax, resist the urge to comment, and be a mirror. By that I mean ask lots of questions and be an active listener. Most people feel good in conversations when they are talking to someone who is genuinely interested in what they have to say and is actively listening. So, that’s all you have to do: ask questions about the subjects people raise, ask about their opinions on it, ask follow up questions, etc. That will give you infinite material to cover and make people like you more.
You’re a league player, this might also be relevant: since I often struggle to read other peoples’ moods/opinions, I sometimes try to be super autistic about it by keeping mental score to gamify the conversation for myself, which makes my try to “min-max” conversations.
Whats ur league rank?
The fact that your colleagues all have such "interesting" experiences to share makes your job much easier. Here's how:
People love to talk about themselves, especially of their achievements and unique experiences in life. In order to develop stronger rapport with your colleagues, simply ask genuine questions about your colleagues' experiences and what they enjoyed about them. Not only does this feed their ego and make you more likeable in their eyes, you barely have to do any talking yourself.
The key here is to actually sound genuine and not come off as jealous. I guess having this kind of charisma is an art in and of itself.
On another note, the best way to eliminate the imposter syndrome mentality is to understand that everyone deals with their own problems, you are typically just seeing an exaggerated version of the positive aspects they choose to share. I know plenty of rich kids that grew up with severe problems in areas of life that we tend to take for granted.
All the best with the internship - stay humble, work hard and kill it!
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