What's your favorite banking phrase or lingo?
Today I saw an analyst try to talk to an MD about working capital adjustments, and the MD went "Don't teach your father how to fuck, kid", which is something he usually says when we're showing him stuff he already knows. It always has us cracking up. That got me thinking about other phrases we throw around casually. Some of them are eye-rollingly awful, like "don't boil the ocean" but there are a couple winners out there. What are your favorites?
Eeeeebi, D, A
There is ONE GUY on my team who always says it that way. Drives me crazy. Everyone else, it's one word - Ee-bit-dah. But for him...exactly like you said, Ee-bit-Dee-Eh.
Massage these numbers pls
Don't cut the lawn with scissors
Milk the cow on this one
Don't stay up all night but have it to me by tomorrow morning
Dangle the cape in front of the bull
"Don't cut the lawn with scissors" - Never heard that. May steal it, haha.
"Don't stay up all night but have it to me by tomorrow morning" - Kill me. Ugh.
Run this up the flag pole and see if anyone salutes
“Now we’re fuckin with a hard dick”. Aka (now we’re gettin somewhere) or (now we’re cooking with gas). Heard that one from an industry vet one time
"My nips are clamped the fuck up right now"
--My VP whenever he's busy.
Tallest midget contest
Funding Secured
Dear (Applicant Name):
Thank you for participating in XXXXX recruitment process for a position in our Graduate Program.
We received an unprecedented volume of applications across all our service lines and we were very impressed by the very high standard of all applicants. As a result of this, the selection process has been exceptionally difficult. Unfortunately, after close consideration of both your application and our current recruitment priorities, we must confirm that we will not be progressing with your application.
Leverage as a verb. Our CIO uses it over the most pedestrian situations and it cracks me up. A few weeks back he remarked we should leverage the conference room rather than speak in my office. Gave me a chuckle.
Or when someone uses "working diligently" as a euphemism to throw someone under the bus during meetings. "I know Jim has been working diligently" followed by a condescending glance in their direction is usually code for, "Jim should have had this shit done last week and I have no idea what's taking him so long so blame him for the lack of timeliness"
When I was a trader, the older guys had a ridiculous habit of speaking like traders all the time.
For instance,
Me: "Anyone feel like another round?" Other Trader: "I'm long that idea." Other Trader: "I'm feeling very bullish all of a sudden."
(Two women walk past who are barely fuckable for a 20-something, but allegedly attrective for a 40-something)
Trader 1: "Mine" Trader 2: "Mine" Me: "Yours and yours again."
(Older woman walks past)
Trader 1: "I think it might be time to raise my bid on silver." Trader 2: "You mean spot silver?" Me: "I was thinking about the futures market, but later doing an 'exchange for physical'."
You get the idea. One of the guys used to describe his interests in things as 'quarter long' or 'half long'. It took me a few months to realize he was talking about how long the idea made his penis since he only got 'full long' once after netting more than 5M GBP in prop trading that day for the bank, and he let everyone know it 'gave him the horn'.
“You’re the one f*cking the cat. I’m just holding the tail”