Hi WSO -
4 months ago I was laid off from my M&A group after working with them for over 5 years. Those 5+ years were some of the darkest times I have ever gone through, and destroyed me mentally. My relationships with friends, family and my significant other tanked, my self-esteem and confidence were (and still is) at an all-time low. I never left the firm however, as I feared I would not find a career path that would provide me with the money this particularly bank had given me for years. I stubbornly decided to just go with it and try and lay low / be as good of a coworker as I can be until I figure things out. Well.. its been years since I had that particular thought and now that I am laid off, I was finally given the time and space to "figure things out."
Except, that was 4 months ago. I still have no clue what I want to do in this life. I am still waking up with a heaviness of being a 30 year old failure. I have completely stopped seeing my friends, all of whom are far more successful than me. I feel so embarrassed seeing how much better off and happier they are. I have tried to network but I come off sounding like a buffoon who just jumbles his words trying to get out one sentence. Just makes me feel even more sad.
I don't have health insurance anymore, so I have stopped going to therapy. Thankfully my psych was able to prescribe me one more month's supply of my anti-depressants, but I am genuinely terrified at who I will become if / when the medications end before I land a new job. If I land a new job.
I have been applying to everything outside of banking, like corporate development, IR, FP&A, etc.. but out of the hundreds of applications, I have gone through 5 interviews, with only one of which went through to the final round before they said "no".
My significant other tries to help me as much as she can, but I can tell how exhausted she is trying to instill confidence in me / trying to help me find a path. I look at her and I see someone who has given up. And I get why. It kills me regardless. Everything around me feels like its falling apart. I just want to be at home and cry every single day.
I am not sure why I wanted to post here, most likely to vent since I can't really vent anywhere else. Apologies to the mods. I did not want to create some sob story. Just want to find happiness one day.
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