last ditch effort -- willing to exchange 10% of first year salary for R1 interview

Listen man, recruiting is hard... I get that. It is undeniable that luck – or as Machiavelli would call it, Fortuna – plays a major role in one's success (or failure).

The only way to overcome the unpredictability of Fortuna is to cultivate one's own Virtù – which is essentially your ability to adapt to circumstance and develop a strategy to move forward. The footnote here – and do not be quick to erroneously congratulate yourself – is that Machiavelli did not believe in the application of any sort of ethical lens to the planning process. Fine... then why not offer what is effectively a bribe to land a first-round interview? Simple – optics are everything. Try for a second to imagine the scenario in which your plan actually works. You get a first-round and kill the interview. The super day comes and you crush that too. Summer comes and you are on the desk. The analyst (or associate or whoever is dumb enough to accept your bribe) does not respect or trust you. But wait you say, couldn't my willingness to offer a bribe indicate that I am ready to do whatever it takes? No, it actually signals quite the opposite. If you ~truly~ are willing to do whatever it takes, your first step should be refining your process. Cultivate your own Virtù. It seems your desire for short-term gratification has led you to believe that you should seek to skip the most important step in recruiting.