Lost in life
Hi,
I am in a bad spot and would like to ask for some advice.
I am a 23 year old student who after high school travelled around for 2 years. When I got back I still was not sure what to do and decided to enroll in economics. During this time I got ill and my father, who has MS, got a lot worse as well. I am currently in my 4th year, where normally it should take 3 years, and my GPA is a 3.25, despite being gifted with a good ''learning'' brain.
I still live at home because I was so consumed with my health problems over the past few years. The stress was severe and even lost $5000 of my savings while betting on medical test results against friends, I was so convinced that I gave them 5:1 (I was betting $5000 to win $25000 if my medical test where bad in the end). I was convinced I had cancer or a neurlogical disease like my father, because of all the symptoms I have.
A few month ago I finally managed to get an MRI scan, which was clean as well as several tests done by the oncologist.
Since then I finally started to focus on my studies and potential carreer. But I have been dealing with a great amount of stress, because I am so far behind my peers in term of possibilities. I dont know how to deal with this, I am trying to redo courses and taking extra courses in order to boost my GPA to 3.7+, but it really makes me depressed that I have reached this point. Furthermore I am dealing with a great amount of insecurity wether or not it will even make a difference. At last I am very unhappy at home, my parents nice but they argue a lot and it makes me very annoyed. Furthermore it is extremely tough to see the way how bad my father is doing, he can not walk anymore and it will only get worse.
I tried applying to 20 internships at large banks, but no has invited me to an interview.
I am just so sick of my life, every decision I have made in my life is a result of stress and the result is bad.
It just feels so hopeless and I didnt imagine a life of mediocry while I was in high school, but it is heading that way.
I am just in a psychological mess due to all these factors and instead of learning for exams next week I am writing this post with tearing eyes.
I would like to add that I feel the only one to play is myself, and in a lesser degree the circumstances, I have a very hard time coping with this.
What's the question?
I dont know. It just seems whatever I will do it will not make a difference anyway. I wont be able to reach my potential which I was born with. The rest of my life I will be 2nd tier version of myself, or worse. Everyday I try to change this, in my mind at least, but it has been a few months now and nothing has changed. Meanwhile I try to blow my brain out sitting at my parents place still while they keep shouting at each other. Then I think about it, what real alternatives do I really have? I can move out and waste my savings of 30k, then what? Sometimes I want to hit the reset button and start my life over, attending a new degree in uni, but then I realize this is not a real possibility. I am 23 already.
I dont have anyone to talk to. My mother was surpised the other day that I told her that grades are really important. I dont have role figure, my ''friends'' are all happy with shitty jobs and shitty grades talk about sports all goddamn day and somehow in my uni class this is also the same. So I guess thats why I was posting this.
I am so obsessed right now with banking as well which makes this feeling only worse.
You are being a little bitch.
Dick up a little bit, and just focus on improving your technical skill set everyday. Some people don't get to where they want to go immediately out of college. That's 4 - 5 years that you have 40 years of career to catch up for / recover from / totally fuck up.
I just dont see how I will ever get hired for an entry position in the first place. Why would someone hire an 27 year old with X skills, if he could also just hire a 23 year old with the same X skills.
Because the 27 year old isn't a whiny fuck.
I guess you are S.O.L.
People have come out of worse situations. The blame game isn't helping
Thank you
Are you serious about betting on medical tests? Your friends actually took this bet?
My buddies and I can be degenerate gamblers, but I can never imagine anyone placing 4-5 figure bets on medical tests. Is there a joke I am missing here?
No I thought it was a good bed to at least hedge a tiny bit.
This. I bet on nearly everything with my friends, but this is, well, strange to say the least.
Imo, you really seem to have overblown your situation. Most of my friends did not graduate from undergrad until they were 23 so, at most, you are one year behind the average? Honestly, your situation doesn't scream a total disaster to me. In fact, it seems fairly middle of the road. You'll find your place.
Im sorry but middle of the road just seems to scare me a lot. I want to reach the top. I know I dont behave like someone that wants to reach the top but yeah...
Thanks a lot
First - I turn 27 in January. I go to a non-target in Boston after taking a 5 year hiatus from school where I was doing jack shit at a slightly better non-target when I was 18. I'm graduating in May, with a 3.96 GPA, memberships to a couple honors societies, and a leadership role in the student managed fund at my school. I also have zero internship experience, zero job offers, and a decent amount of fear that I'm going to be broke forever. In a lot of ways, we have a similar level of security related to our futures.
Where we differ is the most important category of all, which is attitude. This might sound harsh, but you need to harden the fuck up. Going into an interview feeling sorry for yourself is a great way to not get called back for a second round. Mental toughness is important no matter what industry you work in, and being a mope is the same as wearing a sign that says "when the going gets tough, I curl up and cry". I'm not trying to insult you, but I'm going to call it like I see it. Mental toughness is as much a choice as it is an inherent trait. Do you want to give up or do you want to work as hard as necessary to make it happen? Make the choice and get started.
Also, you're dropping a lot of "I want to reach the top...I'm afraid of being a loser...I don't want to be mediocre" etc type language which, to me, indicates you're pursuing this industry for the wrong reasons. Do you want to get blowjobs from hot sluts at the bar because you drive a big car, have a no limit credit card and people whisper "there goes xyz hedge fund titan", or do you want to work in the industry because you're passionate about the every day shit? You don't become Mike Tyson by just wanting to be the best ever, you become Mike Tyson by loving to beat the shit out of people and working your ass off to get better at it between fights. And by being a sociopath, which probably applies to this industry in many ways too...
You need to be realistic, but also stick your middle finger up to anyone who says you can't do it, including yourself. Realistically, you're not going to get your dream job after college - most people don't. George Soros had to beg for his first job while selling shoes to make money, I think his career turned out pretty decent. If your dream job is "high finance something or other making close to six figures working 40 hours a week", again; rethink your career choice. If you have an idea what you want to do, then find a small company that will pay you dog shit to do that. Go be an equity analyst if you want to be an equity analyst. Get paid 30 grand a year at some small company no one knows about. Go get a sales job at John Hancock if you want to get into the sell side of things, get 20 grand a year plus commission, go out with your golfball and knock on doors looking for clients. The tiniest fraction of grads are going to get fast tracked at Goldman Sachs or pull an analyst job at an HF/PE/M&A whatever, so accept that fact and do what you need to do to get started. Don't force me to make a Tom Brady Analogy.
.....Mo Lewis might explode your boss' aorta and if you work hard you'll take his job....
Yes there are going to be people who don't work as hard with an easier path. There will be guys with a Dad who's a PM or a Partner somewhere, or a Senator's kid and they will have an easier time than you. Those kids also work their asses off too, because stupid lazy people don't generally have success in any industry. Lazy rich kids loaf around and do blow by the pool at their parent's house and like, get a real estate license maybe. Hard working people with a family tree of connections maximize their relationships.
Last thing: Compensation is not a given in any industry, so don't expect that 5 years of experience means you're automatically worth 200k with a 20% bonus and performance incentives. Talent gets paid, so work hard to develop it and make sure you turn every relationship you have into a meaningful one that can become a job opportunity later. Yeah the most talented high school teacher still makes dog shit, but that's not a free market. This goes back to the whole, "if you're in it for the money then you're probably not going to make any" motif I've mentioned a few times.
Worst case scenario you earn a decent living and never reach the top, it happens. If everyone was massively successful a gallon of milk would cost $1,000. Hard work pay off, smart work pays well. Work your ass off so you can work smarter, then work even harder and see what happens.
Killing yourself certainly won't help.
Just set some small goals everyday and work towards them. Make certain you achieve those. The bigger goals will follow. I agree with realjackryan that you're kind of being a little bitch and even if you are a few years behind, in the context of a 40+ year career, it doesn't necessarily mean all that much.
Also, achieving everything you want to achieve won't make you happy in isolation. You need to have some people relationships as well. Maybe you should stop judging your friends and/or get new ones.
Thank you. I agree. But it just feels hopeless. Like in theory I sometimes am happy and know how to strategize. Like before going to bed I am all pumped up and hopeful. But then when I wake up I feel almost suicidal, not kidding.
I self medicate with Bombay Sapphire on a regular basis throughout the day. However, I don't think doctors recommend that (I'm not a doctor, so don't take my word for it). You should probably got speak with a mental health professional (or at a minimum a prostitute) because at 23 years old, the world is your oyster. You shouldn't feel that way.
I would literally kill at least a couple of people to be 23 again.
Go see a therapist, because you have some sort of anxiety. My brother is an extremely anxious kid and used to get all sad/high-strung like you're coming across here, and for what it's worth, he self-medicates with weed which helps him a ton.
On the friends, what the fuck happened? Did you force them into that bet? I've made stupid bets and gone gambling with the guys more than I should, but $100 would be a lot to blow on a bet.
Thank you very much for your advice. I have major anxiety to be honest, I have had big OCD in the past. I tried meditation but it hasnt helped. I have an appointment tomorrow with a psychologist.
Yes I proposed the bet and gave them all the info and we agreed on the odds.
You sound a lot like me. I had a lot of health issues. Then my industry collapsed (hint: I'm an oil engineer). My GPA is also terrible.
I thought I was fucked until I realized. What's the highest paying profession out there? Sales
They don't care about your GPA, or how tall you are, or even if you went to college.
Food for thought.
Thanks.
What do you do now? What kind of sales?
Heading to engineering sales, although there is a lot of stuff you can sell. (Think tech at the moment).
Biz dev also comes to mind.
One thing sales does teach you though is how to start your own company. Something that being an excel monkey won't ever teach you.
Honestly, you need a bit of help that this forum is REALLY not the place to look for( there's a lot of folks on here who are both obnoxious and have no clue what they're talking about here). I don't feel comfortable recommending specific programs but I was able to turn my life around from a worse record than yours.
Two things I can say that you need to do:
1) Look into a confidence building program. I used one to great effect.
2) Look for some new friends. They don't necessarily have to be your age, in fact it's probably better if they're not. Get involved in a local community service organization, Toastmasters, or something else like that. It broadens your network, is a good place to find potential mentors, and makes you a more interesting person.
3) Get the fuck out of your parents done. I still visit my family every so often, but I still get shit done compared to when I'm in my own place. You will also feel much more confident and feel like you have much greater degree of personal power when you have your own place....even if it's just a shitty studio apartment.
Thanks mate. I had never heard of toastmasters, they even have a couple in just my city alone, they have meeting twice a month, I signed up for an introduction evening.
Thank you for your advice, appreciate it and will take it with me.
Yeah man, you need a therapist. Your post isn't even a question. Just pay someone to listen to you for 30 minutes and you'll feel better
why do you think you have a chance for those internships over others? Especially given that finance is not a growth field, like technology or medicine? I made a thread about the ingredients usually needed to get into Wall Street. Seeing as you seem to lack them, I suggest barking up a new tree. Other masters, second bachelors, maybe law school (tho try other options first) many other ways for you to meet your potential.
bump
Your life is dramatically different from the lives of others, as you can probably tell. Stop comparing yourself to others and what they've accomplished at "X" age, because your path is entirely different than theirs. Don't get caught up in goals and desires to the point where they completely overtake your appreciation of life. You can't get back any singular moment that you spend in unhappiness. You ultimately need to make a decision regarding what you want to accomplish, and formulate a game plan on how to get there. But most importantly, remain positive and begin every day writing "Today, I am grateful for...."
Watch how your life changes.
Thank you for your input.
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