Moving Markets For A Relationship
Incoming analyst at a BB in CMBS lending. I’m originally from NYC but will be in Texas where my firm is rapidly expanding. The team I’m joining is one of the highest producing teams in the country and very lean. The role is everything I’ve ever dreamed of and I feel so relieved that busting my ass off the past couple of years has all paid off.
My dilemma comes from my relationship. My gfs a year younger than me and her career path limits her to living in the Northeast. We’ve been dating for two years and I’m so conflicted because I genuinely believe that there’s a chance we could get married and start a family. I would never drop my role without something lined up or do anything drastic that would jeopardize my stability but I’m really considering doing a year in Texas and then trying to land a role in NYC/Boston/DC. Does anyone know if this would be feasible or what this transition would look like? Would you guys even consider moving in a situation like this?
Not sure what to do but really would like some input on the feasibility of moving markets and what people would do in my shoes.
Based on the most helpful WSO content, here are some insights and considerations for your situation:
Feasibility of Moving Markets:
Career Impact:
Personal Considerations:
Steps to Consider:
Evaluate the Move:
Plan the Transition:
Timing:
Community Insights:
In summary, moving markets is feasible but requires careful planning and consideration of both career and personal factors. Balancing your professional aspirations with your relationship goals is key to making an informed decision.
Sources: Question for Those Who Moved Cities, How to ask to switch offices?, IB + Long Distance Relationship, I Need You, WSO + Its Time To Move - Asia Job Search, 6 Things to Consider Before Accepting an International Work Assignment
Just noting that it's fairly common for people your age to think they're in their last relationship only to end up breaking up a few years later (often a result of the fact that you're still so young that you aren't the same person you're going to be in a few years). So be careful making a decision based on a relationship.
Echoing what VP said; thought I was gonna marry the girl I was dating at the time and chose to go to a different college because of her.
Still had my desired outcome career-wise, but I would have likely had a better college experience if I had gone to the one I was leaning toward.
Make the decision that’s best for you, is the point we’re trying to make.
I comment from experience. Didn't got to NY after school b/c of same reason and we broke up a few years later. Still one of my biggest regrets
I appreciate both of your guys advice. I’m not fully convinced that we’ll work out but I also don’t want to write it off completely. We’re both going to change a ton over the next couple of years which may or may not cause things to work out.
I grew up with nothing and always had the mindset growing up that I was going to build a better life for myself and my family so I’m definitely not going to be making any drastic decisions based on our relationship.
Was in a very similar situation to you a long time ago. Firm was Northeast based, but got hired to join their Houston team. Flew back and forth due to a relationship but ultimately it was hard to make it work. I actually was able to move back within 2 years and still am friends with her.
Only you and your GF can answer this question, not a bunch of strangers on WSO. If you think shes truly the one, then you both need to make a committed plan to see each other frequently. Keep in mind, you may both have busy schedules. Long distance only works if both are committed.
I appreciate the advice and totally understand that this is something we’ll both need to discuss and work out.
What was your experience like moving back to the northeast? How do employers view experience outside of their market and what was it like to rebuild your network once you made the move.
Every industry is different, but if your in CMBS, then you'll be fine.
This.
It was my case and I chose the girl. Worked out fine. However, 1) we both showed commitment, even seriously considered for her to move, 2) once I decided to let go the option, it was a conscious "no regrets" decision, mature and fully aware of what was at stake and why I was doing it.
Not an easy situation, doable, but likewise, it can work out fine the other way around. Many people had a distance relationship at some point that worked well (mine as well, following that said decision). Important is to have said plan on how and when is no longer a distance. It helps endure it.
Good luck,keep us posted!
The first question to answer is why the dream job you've busted your ass to land is the one that needs to be flexible, instead of hers. Why can't she pursue her career outside the Northeast?
Any kind of life you build, with anyone, is going to involve these kinds of compromises so you may as well get practiced at having difficult conversations early on.
100% agree with you on the compromise aspect of a successful relationship. She’s going into policy which makes it tough to pursue roles outside of the northeast as she’ll need that proximity to DC. I’d push for more flexibility on her part if I could but doesn’t really seem to be possible.
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