Recruiting successfully does not mean happiness
Landed a GS offer in NY this recruiting cycle - I'm extremely grateful that the recruiting grind is finally over which gave me some time to reflect on this whole process of gunning.
I personally know people who will be going to MS NY, Evercore Menlo, and GS NY this summer and I used to think they have it all and if I were to have an offer like theirs, I'd be complete as a human.
However, I recently found out that these people are struggling internally too and some even have existential crisis about whether they are truly happy with where they are in life but can't talk about it because they are suppose to be the people that won this cruel game of recruitment.
I've been feeling low too - I've always thought that once I land a good offer at a good firm - I’d be happy. But I’m not. I survived the recruiting grind but at what cost? Mild depression, my anxiety levels are always through the roof even until now, and a fucked-up diet.
I think about moments when I was a kid when my greatest achievement was being able to finish a coloring book within a day, my mom will be cooking in the kitchen, and she will come in and pick up my coloring book and tell me I've done a wonderful job.
Over and over again.
I felt similar to you last year until I talked to my dad. He said your goals will always move up the pendulum. Once you achieve something, your next goal will always be grander and that’s a good mentality. Don’t get complacent. In high school you maybe dreamed of getting into a target. Once you go to college, it was internships. Once you graduate, you goals would be different.
BUT
You will never be happy if you don’t appreciate what you. Take a moment to appreciate how far you have come. You are in top 1% of college students and people our age. Appreciate the health, career, and friends you have. Life will always go on. You can change your diet right now and be healthier with just simple changes. Enjoy college and don’t worry about jobs and get some cooch
I genuinely appreciate your advice. Life indeed goes on and I want to live happier. Also I’m a 20Y Female so I won’t be getting any cooch any time soon LMAO but I get your point :)
Of course you don’t feel happy, you’re S&T
If you land GS TMT NYC will you be truly happy
No GS TMT offer?
It’s weird as fuck to have IB as your personality
its a joke lil S&T bro
get used to meeting these kinds of people if you're working somewhere with clout or brand name. I remember laughing my ass off when this other intern I met left the elevator after bragging about being in the "best" group. Like we get it bro you live to work
Yeah I'll definitely be wishing I was back at the office at 10pm revising the same ppt I've been working on for 2 weeks instead of at my 100th client dinner this year... /s long hours can suck in both but IB sucks worse imo
I once read a poem (I can't find it but it's lodged vaguely in my memory so I take no credit for this) which I think about sometimes.
It goes a little like (and I'm adapting for this forum): "There once was a man. He had the best parents, he went to the best school, he kept the best notes, he got the best grades, he went to the best university, he studied the best subject, he got the best results, he did the best internship, we went to the best bank, he was the best banker, he got the best bonus, he got the best wife, he got the best car, he had the best kids, he went on the best holidays, he had the best retirement, and then he died and had the best coffin."
I don't know what others read into that but for me it's helpful to breathe a bit, enjoy the moment and the experience of life, take things a bit less seriously, and appreciate what you have.
Wow that really sent shivers down my spine. I completely agree with your take - so many people pride themselves for working at the best bank when these banks are pure evil and won’t care if you die (recent RBC asso found dead). This industry is toxic. Thank you so much for this poem - I will be thinking it over and over again too.
Well, what did you expect from this industry? Everyone being happy and holding each other hands like one big family? As long as seniors don't feel the need to drastically change the culture, the work environment remains competitive, sweaty and toxic (to some extent, depending on the team and/or bank).
In the end, it is just a job and generally people don't really care about your career choices. Great if you get a job at GS, but 20 years later who will truely remember this achievement?
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relatable, pretty sure we’re around the same age OP and in the same situation and sometimes I just want to drop out of college, renege my internships, and just live at home with my parents. I miss them and my childhood.
Guess what, you and I and many others bought into the lie of prestige, career success and money = happiness. It only gets worse from here bro. I was so bright in high school, now I will become a prestigious excel monkey. Every day I wish I picked a career that was more fulfilling, better WLB and intellectually challenging.Sometimes I feel embarrassed to tell people I’m going into IB because most of them know IB takes no technical skills or intellect and I feel like they know im only doing it for shallow reasons. My friends who are gonna be SWE or MLE are gonna find it rly funny when im slaving away in PowerPoint at 4 am while they kick back at 4pm making the same money I am, while being respected for the skills and smarts they have.
Also, I don't even need that much money to be happy. I don't have expensive habits or tastes. I literally only wanted to make a very high income for the validation I guess? I was so immature
No I totally get it. Meanwhile people who don’t want to do ib gets called out for always being the “unimportant” people at banks. The culture is just toxic. Sometimes I wonder whether I should’ve gone into tech
Perhaps tech would have had some serious drawbacks as well. Nonetheless having solid technical skills like SWE would have been a nice defensible thing to have.
Don’t assume the grass is greener on the other side. Tech layoffs are real and getting offers are near impossible unless you have a referral at a company.
There is no free lunch, and the lives of tech, or any other really, are not so different from everyone else’s.
People on here are granted an opportunity not many would even ponder, let alone dreamt of, to be part of. I’d reflect that and be humbled at the opportunity at hand.
Reducing one’s role in a pessimistic outlook, one has to ask, why did you go into this field with this mindset outcome?
I’d suggest therapy as well.
Well the mindset I had at 18 when I set my mind to finance is pretty different from the one I have now. For most of my life I have been extremely ambitious and obsessive over success so IB made sense. It makes me sad to admit, but I used to throw up almost every morning in high school. After I finished recruiting and had more free time I realized that I was a whole lot less stressed out and the happiest I've ever been when prioritizing my health, living an organized and balanced lifestyle, and spending time with friends and family. So now this high finance career path doesn't really align with that. I know there's no perfect career, otherwise everyone would do it, but I wish I at least explored other options.
As a SWE sometimes I wish I were an IB/PE bro in NYC. Grass is greener I guess
I wouldn’t be so jealous of tech people. The industry is going to downsize majorly and with that comp will as well.
Was your goal financial security? Then you should be euphoric after receiving an offer because you satisfied this need. Was your goal to feel superior to your university friends? If yes (sadly), then you should also feel euphoric because you impressed sophomores. Was your goal to get the highest-paid option out of university? Then you should also feel happy and proud. Did you just go into finance because you kept up with the Joneses at your university and you don't know what you wanted out of life? If yes, then why should come as a surprise to experience an existential crisis?
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
The humble brag posts are really off the charts these days.
Lands S&T offer at a BB and thinks, hmmm how can I tell people I think I'm the shit without being that direct? … aha got it! "Being the shit doesn't mean happiness".
Also this overall mentality is why a lot of people in "high finance" are intolerable and part of the reason why I hate this sector as a whole and can't wait to leave. Nobody is forcing you to fuck over every other aspect of your life so you can get a prestigious offer / be top bucket / etc. Yet all these hardos will still do it anyways, complaining about their hardships while simultaneously making zero effort to push back or reevaluate their career choices. News flash to those folks: you're a cuck to your job and one of the reasons why seniors think they can step all over us with no repercussions. If you're truly struggling as much as you claim, then stop chasing top offers / prestige / top bucket / top exit opps and let the other psychos continue down that path for the marginal dollar. Nobody is forcing you to suffer except yourself.
agreed
Welcome to the real world. Don’t discount your achievements, but don’t rely too much on them either. It’s not really earth shattering, contrary to what your bubble told you/signaled to you your whole life. Focus on finding a good life partner most importantly. Once the little ones come along, you will understand why you were pushed to achieve - so you can ultimately provide for them if you choose to have them. Enjoy the experience and hey even if you are female, get some cooch.
This is exactly what I'm feeling recently and I'm literally about to cry after reading this...
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To the title of the post: no shit
I definitely feel the same, but more out of a drive to make my parents happy.
My dad's been SWE his whole life, and he just doesn't look like he's happy at all. Neck pain, sleep problems, blood pressure, and constantly complain to me and my mom abotu his depression symtoms. That was the reason I didn't want to go into CS at all. Being in an Asian family and consistently getting fed with the systemic idea of "even if you want to be happy, you need money first" really gave me anxiety all the time.
And when I finally got my dream offer, told my dad that im gonna be making good money, he didn't seem to care at all. Made me really disappointed and question everything. Yes I find the finance and market stuff really interesting, I am beyond happy to be joining a bank I never thought I'd receive an offer from, but why can't he just be happy for me for 2 minutes after I've been grinding my ass off and losing my closest friends(got cut off bc i put in no effort into the friend group lol) during this recruiting season.
People have always said "be grateful for the present" and as much as I try to be, but I feel like it's harder than just telling yourself that.
The posts these days are really pushing the boundaries of cringe to a whole new level, keep it up!
People are shitting on you but I know what you're getting at. When you've fixated on a goal for so long you don't really think about what comes after it. Or perhaps it's that we know that a great internship leads to a great career, which leads to lots of money, which leads to freedom, which better enables happiness. But when one of those steps requires a ton of work, we focus on that step completely and start to think that happiness will come as soon as we achieve that one step- we forget about the process.
I was in similar shoes a few months back- got told I would be getting a major promotion that I did not expect could happen for years. All those career paths I heard about, all those linkedin profiles looked at, all those guys who hit X title by Y age.... That would be me. I used to wonder if those guys just felt like ballers all the time, if their lives were just bliss. But then it happened to me. The first few days were bliss. Then my happiness reverted to the mean, and by the time the promo actually came through I was just as happy as before I knew it was coming. Less actually, because you always think that the version of you that is achieving your goals would be living some perfect life. But you get there and that person is still you. No transformational change happens- "that guy" is just you. It can be depressing.
There is research to show that happiness always does revert to the mean. Amputees eventually are just as happy as when they had all their limbs. Lottery winners eventually are just as happy as before they were rich. So you have to focus on raising your average, everyday happiness. Best way to do that is to practice gratitude, work on relationships, work on health. I'm currently working on the gratitude piece. It's all a journey.
Says the guy with all his limbs...
Your work does not define who you are as person. Additionally, I often hear the biggest decision we have in life is deciding who to marry.
without a doubt that is the most important decision in life
that's some 1960s shit. nowadays, the best decision is to bang chicks and never settle for too long. you have money and technology like tinder and girls nowadays like to bang so why would you do this boring 1960s marriage thing.
In the context of having children, it absolutely is the biggest decision.
Can we stop with these humble brag posts. I worked at GS too. So tired of this shit
Bro felt the need to throw in the “I worked at GS too” lmaoooo
if his post was sarcastic, it was very good. but I think it wasn't sarcastic.
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