Would you respond to this email?
Looking for feedback on my cold email. Using advice from Sil’s post on networking. Already tried alumni so now just knocking on doors.
Hello X,
My name is John Doe, I'm a recent graduate that just moved to NYC. I am highly interested in investment banking. I have previous internships in private equity and asset management.
I understand you are busy and may not have the time, but would you be open to connecting over the phone or in-person in the next couple weeks?
I am interested in learning about your experience at Bank in the X group, and any advice you could share. Thank you for your time.
Best regards, John
I mean it's straightforward. I'm sure it will work on some level but probably only if you go super broad just based on how generic it is.
If you want to take a more discrete approach, you can emphasize how you're most interested in their group based on some interest / experience you've had in the industry, and/or that you're interested in e.g. mid-market banks for XYZ reasons.
Also not sure if you just anonymized this for WSO, but you should put the names of the places you interned for additional credibility (unless it's like, a search fund and Edward Jones)
It is fine. Maybe even consider making it shorter and personal?
Echoing above, take it a step further and if your internship is a recognizable name put it in the subject/title line like; "Anon, I am monkey from GSAM interested in Evercore 2025".
"...looking into your [coverage/product group here] ... I noticed you did [their personal/professional achievement here]. I want to learn about [specific ask for their time here]. I want to work in..."
Based on the most helpful WSO content, your email is a decent start but could use some refinement to increase the likelihood of a response. Here are some key points to improve:
Personalization: Your email lacks a personal touch. Mention something specific about the recipient, such as a deal they worked on, a talk they gave, or something notable from their profile. This shows you've done your research and makes the email feel less generic.
Example: "I came across your profile and was particularly impressed by your work on [specific deal/project]."
Brevity and Clarity: While your email is concise, it could be even more to the point. Avoid phrases like "I understand you are busy and may not have the time," as it can come across as apologetic. Instead, confidently ask for a brief chat.
Example: "Would you be open to a 10-15 minute call to share your insights on your experience at bank in the group?"
Call to Action: Be specific about your request. Instead of leaving the timing open-ended, suggest a specific timeframe or ask them to propose one.
Example: "Would you be available for a quick call next week? I’m happy to work around your schedule."
Tone: While professional, your tone could be more engaging. Act like a peer seeking advice rather than someone asking for a favor. This approach often garners better responses.
Subject Line: Ensure your subject line grabs attention. Something like "Quick Question from a Recent Graduate Interested in IB" or "Seeking Advice on Investment Banking Career Path" can work well.
Here’s a revised version of your email:
Subject Line: Quick Question from a Recent Graduate Interested in IB
Hello [Recipient's Name],
I hope this email finds you well. My name is John Doe, and I recently moved to NYC after graduating. I came across your profile and was particularly impressed by your work on [specific deal/project].
I’m currently exploring opportunities in investment banking and would greatly appreciate the chance to learn about your experience at bank in the group. Would you be open to a 10-15 minute call next week? I’m happy to work around your schedule.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best regards,
John Doe
This version incorporates advice from WSO threads, such as keeping it short, personalizing the message, and confidently asking for a specific action. Good luck!
Sources: Cold Call Email Mistake Made - Sharing Response (Advice) Received, Critique my cold email, Cold email networking while employed?, 5 Steps To Becoming A Rockstar Freshman (Undergrad Advice), Something wrong with my cold email?
Never do this. You're giving them the easiest out to turn you down. You may think it's considerate, but what it really does is make it very easy for them to say no. Instead, try:
This is still showing concern/thoughtfulness for their busy schedule, but allows you to ask for what you want without apologizing or giving them an easy way to reject you. If you really want the conversation with them that much, and you want to get into the industry that badly, you can't afford to be that concerned about their busy schedule. If they're too busy, believe me, they'll tell you (and the good ones will at least offer to answer a few Qs via email as a consolation prize for your cold outreach).
Honestly no I wouldn’t. Not saying you want get responses but I’m never responding to generic emails.
Itaque qui eligendi eius vel dolore et sed. Consequatur sit natus qui. Quo odio ea possimus alias velit. Consequatur nisi temporibus fugit quo deserunt nihil possimus. Similique id iste corporis quam atque qui.
Maxime debitis sed eum ipsam sunt est. Qui quia eius nam occaecati.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...