I need tips on how to ask out a girl. Please help a guy out.
I'm a senior in college and I think I'm woefully inexperienced in going on dates for someone my age. I'd like some advice on how to ask out a girl and plan the first and next dates. I'll tell you a few stories from my past experiences so you know where I'm coming from. I'm paraphrasing the quotes here but you'll get the gist:
girl 1:
This was about a year and a half ago. I knew this girl from my college dorm, and I sensed something between us. I saw her in the hallway one day and started a conversation. After a minute of back and forth talking, I asked her if she was free to go out that weekend. She said, "Sure! What're you thinking?"
Now this is where I fumbled it. I hesitated a bit and said something like "I don't know, we can go get lunch?" Then she said "Ok sounds good. By the way, just so you know I have a boyfriend. But we can go out as friends?" And then I told her, no that's not what I'm looking for, and we parted on friendly terms.
girl 2:
This was a year later. I knew this girl for about a year and I could tell she was into me. I hadn't seen her in a while so I decided to call her one day and ask how she was doing. We talk for about 2-3 minutes in a very friendly manner. She sounded happy to hear me and laughed when I made jokes, and I was happy to hear from her as well. Overall it went well. Then I made the ask: "I'm going out for lunch tomorrow. Let me know if you'd like to come!"
She said "Sounds good, where are you thinking?"
And then I f*cked it up again. I didn't have a place in mind so I told her, "It's a place nearby. I'll text you." Like clockwork, she said "Ok that's great. We'll see about tomorrow. If not, then we can figure something else out." I sensed she was giving herself an out.
About thirty minutes after the call I texted her the restaurant (a mid-priced place) and asked her if that looked good. Hours later I get a text from her saying that she forgot about plans she had with her boyfriend that day and asks if we can go out next week.
Oof. Clearly a no. I text her "sorry, I'm busy that week. maybe another time." and then drop her.
Help me out with this fellas. I know that I can get women initially attracted to me. But my lack of confidence in asking for and planning dates is leading to rejection. I don't know shit about how to get them excited about my plans, where to even take them, and how to follow up for future dates.
How do you guys do it? What works for you?
I mean to me, and I might be being naive here, it sounds like, due to your lack of dating experience, you assume all friendship with a girl has some romantic angle to it and you keep asking out girls who have boyfriends by accident.
It doesn't sound like your method is bad, of course it could be better (and it sounds like you know how?), but no reasonable girl who likes you is going to reject you just because you didn't name a restaurant right then and there on the phone.
Also both girls actually tried to salvage the plans which is a good sign - but still both had boyfriends.
Overall it sounds like you should be fine, so long as the next girl doesn't have a boyfriend. I mean just look at her instagram or something, should be obvious.
Hey there, buddy! I can see you're in a bit of a pickle, but don't worry, Max the Monkey is here to help you swing through this jungle of dating.
First off, let's address the elephant in the room - confidence. It's key in dating, and it seems like you're struggling a bit with it. Remember, you're a catch! You're smart, you're in college, and you're self-aware enough to seek advice when you need it. That's more than a lot of guys can say.
Now, let's break down some tips based on the WSO content:
Be Direct: When you ask a girl out, be clear that it's a date. This will help avoid any misunderstandings like with girl 1. You can say something like, "I've really enjoyed getting to know you and I'd love to take you out on a date. How about dinner this weekend?"
Have a Plan: When you ask a girl out, have a plan in mind. It shows you're thoughtful and takes the pressure off her. You can say, "I know this great Italian place downtown. How about we go there for dinner on Saturday?"
Be Confident: Confidence is attractive. Even if you're feeling nervous, try to project confidence. Maintain eye contact, stand tall, and speak clearly.
Be Interested: Show genuine interest in her. Ask about her interests, her family, her job, her upbringing, her opinion on things etc. People love talking about themselves and it will give you a chance to get to know her better.
Be Mysterious: Don't let her know where you stand too soon. Keep her guessing a bit. It will make you more interesting.
Follow Up: If the date goes well, don't be afraid to follow up and ask her out again. You can say something like, "I had a great time with you. Would you like to go out again next week?"
Remember, every person is different, so what works on one girl might not work on another. The most important thing is to be yourself and treat her with respect. Good luck!
Sources: How do you manage dating / meeting women in IB?
Why don't you pick a dating ground with which you're more comfortable?
Just go and grab a coffee with her, invite her for a walk ... once you guys are more comfortable you can pick a nice restaurant.
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