Best mate is following my path
My best friend and I have known each other well for over five years, even before university. When it came time to choose a degree, he followed my lead, as he was unsure of what he wanted to do. We ended up in the same classes throughout university.
I graduated one semester before him and secured a graduate offer after completing an internship at a firm. He followed a similar path, completing an internship at the same firm (which I helped him get) and receiving a graduate offer in the same department. I initially thought he would start the following year, but he’ll actually be joining the same cohort, just six months after me.
While I want to be a supportive friend, I have some concerns about working together. I was looking forward to building my own career, making my own connections, and having a sense of own identity. I recognize that I played a role in creating this situation by helping him get the internship, but I hadn’t expected us to be on such a similar path. Should I be complaining?
You have to start putting ideas into his head about quitting. Tell him about the buyside, only fans, social media influencing, corp dev, anything.
Or just be normal and enjoy that you have your best mate at work.
Bro this sounds like the dream as long as you think he’s qualified. You have a true ally at work.
Based on the most helpful WSO content, your situation is not uncommon, and it’s natural to feel conflicted. On one hand, you’ve been a supportive friend, helping your best mate secure opportunities. On the other, it’s understandable to want to carve out your own identity and career path without feeling overshadowed or tied to someone else’s trajectory.
Here’s how you can approach this:
Set Boundaries Professionally: While you’ll be in the same cohort, focus on building your own network and reputation. Make it clear (subtly, through actions) that you’re both individuals with unique strengths and goals.
Communicate Openly: If this is weighing on you, have an honest conversation with your friend. Frame it positively—express your excitement for their success but also share your desire to establish your own professional identity.
Leverage the Situation: Instead of seeing this as a potential issue, consider how you can both support each other in the workplace. Having someone you trust in the same environment can be an asset.
Focus on Your Growth: Remember, your career is ultimately about your performance, relationships, and achievements. Stay focused on excelling in your role, and your individuality will naturally shine through.
It’s not about complaining—it’s about managing expectations and ensuring both of you can thrive without stepping on each other’s toes. If handled well, this could even strengthen your friendship and professional journey.
Sources: A friend of mine cheated and got an Internship offer at a BB IB, A friend of mine cheated and got an Internship offer at a BB IB, How to Thrive on Your Research Internship, What offers would you take over a BB S&T?, First Year Summer Internship Enough for IB?
When I got out of school I ended up joining a firm that a good buddy of mine worked at (he was a year above me) by pure coincidence. I was on an adjacent team and we worked together on a few things while we were both there. It was a ton of fun to have a real friend at the same shop. We both left to do different things at different firms, but it was a good time. Unless it seriously bothers you that much, I’d lean into it. You’ll most likely overlap for such a short period of time over the course of your careers.
Definitely going to lean into it, just came as a shock in the beginning that we would be working so close together.
Thanks for your advice!!
What kind of garbage friend are you to mark the path for your uncertain friend and then resent him for following it and arriving at the exact destination you led him to?
I think you are overthinking this and have some own insecurities you should work through regarding forging your identity (which I am not condemning you for). I had plenty of people come in with standing connections or fellow class mates in work environments. Pretty common and I don't think your sense of identity will be driven by the other persons presence. I overall think it is a benefit to have someone that you should be able to rely on (but always be careful who you trust).
The only thing I would be concerned about is you say you helped him get the internship so in a sense you've stuck your neck out for him so there could be downside if he underperforms, but given its a first job out of college / university I don't anticipate that being in play and you wouldn't reasonably have known he would underperform.
You seem to have a 6 month headstart still vs. him so you may be seen as a resource to him to help out and learn the ropes on the desk, which if others see you doing successfully then I think that bodes pretty well for showcasing your potential for leadership, mentorship, etc. As long as you don't get sick of seeing him all the time I think all is okay and you should continue to make efforts to foster other relationships for your peace of mind.
I realize I’m probably overthinking and rationalizing the worst-case scenario. In reality, I’m excited to have a mate at work and someone to share the journey with. My competitiveness comes from the fact that we have always been highly competitive with each other, combined with my own insecurities about often being compared to him. I start in a few weeks, and I know that once I begin, everything will fall into place, and none of my worries will come to fruition.
I wouldn’t be concerned unless you both plan to stay forever. Young recent grads cycle out of their first roles fairly quickly and head to other opportunities like the buy side. Just enjoy the couple years you have together. I know I would have enjoyed having the boys around in the bullpen, grinding together. I’m at a small firm very much doing my own thing (sole analyst) and sometimes miss the camaraderie of my larger former analyst class. College too
This reminds me of when I would play WoW back in grade school and I wanted to help my best friend at the time grind their character up because they asked for my help.
We would GRIND, hours and hours talking about how cool it will be when we can both run raids together when the new expansion dropped. Then one day, BOOM, I log on and this mf is already on with some other fellas I would play with.
Weirdly, I was bitter as fuck and thought about how I got him into the game, leveraged my character to level his, and now I have to share my raid group, drops, whatever, with them. I viewed the game as my thing.
Not to make this deeper than it needs to be, but I realize it was just an ugly side of my ego manifesting itself by creating a false narrative that this would cause problems for me, in a damn video game. I quickly realized if I truly saw this as a negative and given that I contributed to this "problem", I had two choices.
I can let these issues (that haven't even happened and were all in my head) ruin the game for me. Or I can reframe the entire situation as "holy fuck this is awesome, now me and my homie can be degen together", and every ounce of fun I get from the game they get too, which is badass.
If you believe this situation will cause these problems for you when you are working together, then they probably will. You will see every shared experience, relationship, and everything else encompassing your career as half empty, and maybe even view the guy as competition which would most likely severely damage any good to come out of this.
This is a win bro, but you gotta see it that way first to reap the benefits.
Your perception of the problem is part of the solution. Shift your focus, change your life.
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