Broke Up with Boyfriend
Currently a sophomore in the recruiting season. We've been together for over one and half year, but we started to have conflicts since last semester because I spent too much time on grinding, doing internships, networking, ignoring his mental needs and spending less time together. He became mad overtime and began to take control of my life and I couldn't fight against him. Finally I felt that was enough after a quarrel and that's all.
Feel very bad right now. I know that's not anyone's fault but I still feel bad.
I mean, it is your fault.(not in a negative way...at your age anyway). Clearly he was upset that someone he loved(?) started to drift apart, how he dealt with it was immature, but par for his age.
At the end of the day, people should do what is best to get to the point where they want to start a family, and then start looking for boyfriends...if you are buisness focused.
Hello, thank you for your advice. I will reflect on my mistakes and try to be more mature next time. He was my first love and I made it clear to him that I was not the type of girl he was looking for at the day we started our relationship. If our way of living is compatible, then we continue, if not then we separate. But he really wanted to shape me to the girl he liked during the time we spent together and insisted to get marry with me from the first day we met. I didn’t have any friends/social circle after I been together and my life was filled with him. We lived together. I didn’t want to mention this at the beginning because I knew I have faults in this relationship. Work is the direct cause, but not root cause. I didn’t have anyone I can talk to at this moment(just like I mentioned, no friends), so sorry if I bothered you and justified for myself. I’m grateful for what you say and will keep that in mind moving forward.
At the end of the day, any relationship takes an active effort to make it work in the long run. Some relationships reach natural ends as two individuals drift apart over time, it sucks, but people change, their priorities change or they realize on a deeper level, beneath surface-level interests, they didn't have enough in common. It's one thing to share similar interests in movies, music or hobbies, but it's another to see eye-to-eye on long-term plans of career or personal life.
I think both you and him acted a bit selfishly and that was addressed in the above, and cannot be changed. I advise looking ahead beginning with therapy. From the sound of it, you may been stressed from your professional and personal life. Sometimes, speaking to someone or writing things out can help mitigate downward spirals or deprecative thoughts. Although it's grueling when you feel like sht, working out and not neglecting your nutrition nor sleep will allow you to continue. I remember when I was laid off, I had bouts of angst where I would sleep through my alarm (and parts of the day) and skip one or two meals. That... did not help me at all. It's almost as if dwelling on the experience or emotional impact eroded my will or sapped me any motivation. I don't know if you're feeling similar to where I was, but the few things that helped me get out of it were therapy, and continuing, albeit partially, with as many habits as I could retain during the fall.
Thank you, I really appreciate with your advice. I love him(not loved), but I felt it was so hard to continue, especially when our quarrel might event cause physical conflicts at the end, which was unacceptable to me. He was the best person I've ever met and changed me forever in a positive way, and I sincerely wished him can find his dream girl in the future. I felt totally the same as you did - just missed a one or two meals and could not concentrate at all on class. Good thing is I'm trying to workout, take yoga course, get up early and do some chores. Thank you for listening to me spamming; it was difficult I realized I didn't have any college friends I can talk to, and I've drifted from my high-school/childhood friends because I came to this country(I'm an international). Anyway just thank you.
Sometimes 2 people can love each other but not at the right stage in their lives. As you've seen from this experience, it's sometimes not cuz the affection that died out but rather due to circumstances. You're at an important stage in your life where you're an international so you need to prioritize schoolwork, networking, internships, technicals and recruiting, or you risk having to leave the country and miss your shot of making your mark in the mecca of finance. Hate to say this, but if he can't even see that perspective for you, and can't even handle a girlfriend who needs to prioritize recruiting (if he can't handle that, let alone a girlfriend who's a fully fledged IB analyst or a wife who's an MD), then maybe he wasn't the right fit in the 1st place. Recruiting is such a relatively low hurdle compared to other life challenges ahead, and if he can't even transcend that barrier, maybe it is what it is.
Best to move on and focus on yourself
I empathize with you how you're feeling, but I promise you that it's just a stage. I went through the exact same situation myself - chose to break up with my boyfriend during sophomore year, not just because of recruiting pressures, but because of different underlying values. When you think about it, if your partner doesn't respect your goals and self improvement, they're not the right partner for you if you're the type that is a high achiever. And now I'm so glad I took time to figure out my own priorities, during a time when it's perfectly normal to be experiencing growth.
Sorry, I went playing bitcasino on my end, but here is my take. Both went wrong on that scenario. One was in need for the future and was in need for the present. The wavelengths isn't in line anymore resulting in that kind of feeling. Don't be sad because that happened. Nobody is at fault, it is just that you weren't compatible in fulfilling what you need right now. Take a break, relax and enjoy life to the fullest
Just like mom would say, you'll be fine. Others are right that it may just be a disconnect between what you need right now and where you are headed, and where they think they're headed. Gotta be a bit selfish and take care of yourself first and not latch on to them as some sort of vehicle out of the situation. It's ok to feel bad. Means you had actual feelings there aka being an actual human being. Not pushing anything, but did you ever try to talk to him about the situation? Best case, ya'll can patch things up, worst case you get the finality of full closure and watch him pound sand as you strike onward.
Hope the quarrel didn't get physical. Otherwise, definitely call the police. No regrets, no remorse for someone that'd try that stunt.
If you were a man you wouldn't be getting these comments that you need to put in more effort and it is your fault. They'd be saying 'she couldn't respect the grind, f*ck her, blah blah'
Personally I don't want a woman who is focused on the grind like that ... I can provide for her and want to be the center of her world, not some job. Competitive women also tend to be more masculine in their traits. So just decide what you really want ... if its money and your not confident in marrying a rich man then yeah go for it. If its a happy relationship where both partners fit into their biological roles then yeah you may want to pull back on the work. But I wouldn't put my eggs in the basket of a college guy if I were you, I'd find someone older.
Kind of disrespectful to be out doing that while you have a bf tbh
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