Dating a IBD VP girl.. but I still pay?
In a situation and figured WSO would be the best place to go for advice. Currently a consultant in my 30s.. earning around $80k total comp a year.. ye i know it's low but consultancy doesn't pay like IBD. I've been in (early stages) of dating a girl from hinge who works in IBD as a VP at a US BB.
From what I can see average salaries for her role is around $500k.. which means her salary is 6-7x mine... maybe even higher.
When considering this plus her salary progression path.. I'm unsure how to handle dating costs with her. I am all for her being successful and I have no jealousy about her earning more than me, she works hard and I believe in equality so I'll always be happy for her.
BUT.. I find it unfair if I'm paying for the dates when in ONE week she earns MORE than my monthly salary... literally her weekly salary is like 2 of my monthly pay cheques combined.
So far it's date 2 and I've paid for the drinks (first date) and dinner (second date).. she's naturally not offered to pay but it's still early dating so I am a believer in the first few the guy should pay.. but I can't keep affording to do this especially knowing her salary. How can I politely and respectfully start telling her to pay? that doesn't come across as rude, direct and more just natural... or as a man, whether I should continue to pay even if she earns more?
Keen to hear thoughts from bankers, especially female bankers. Thank you.
How about you get some motion before dating.
price of drinks doesn’t change depending on the girl you date, seems like you need to find someone else if you can’t mentally justify this when nothing is different
not necessarily. I noticed that when I went out with women who make good money, they like going to more upscale places and order more expensive drinks and dishes.
This is precisely why you cannot date these masculine, career-oriented "women."
They earn a man's compensation and, to their convenience, act traditional when the bill comes. Keep in mind that given her high compensation, she will likely have very expensive tastes and habits since most women suck at personal finances. This will bleed you dry eventually.
To be honest, though, you really do need to earn more. You're 30+ and not even making 6 figures? I made 6 figures right after graduating college. I am not being mean, but I am saying that you will not get far in the dating market at your current rate, especially if you continue to date high-earning women.
I would recommend going after college girls. They're hotter, easier, happier, and more available. I've only dated/banged 18-19 year old girls for the past few years and I'm never going back.
Would u mind telling me ur bank and group to make sure I don’t ever join it?
You’re probably too bad to join it anyways.lol this idiot is either a white-knight simp that gets no pussy or a washed up, manly woMAN that men avoid.
Is this getting MS'd because of the 2nd half? In the first half he's spitting. Kinda spitting in the last bit too
lmao this is just thinly veiled full endorsement
this is correct on both points. not sure why you're getting MS.
holy larp
You’re a moron if you think it’s good to date 18 year olds for anything other than a fwb (and even then once you’re out of college it’s p creepy). Freshmen in college are immature, have no sense of themselves, and no experience being in a real relationship, but have endless options.
would stick with her while u progress ur career
You should leverage this as a networking opportunity and use it as lever to join her BB
Given you’re two dates in now you can offer to do less expensive things like coffee + walk or cooking at your place (you get the food / cook and she brings the wine or drinks). If she actually wants to spend time with you then she should not oppose. After those date ideas you should bring up the issue, and if after a few dates she has an issue with paying for some dates I’d run bro.
Don’t be harsh on yourself bro. I have been on both sides of the pond. I’ll break it down for you.
She makes good $ mainly due to DEI initiatives. Banks promote them for doing bare minimum. Topic has been discussed to death on this forum.
Make sure your D game is good and she will keep coming back for more. Boss Babes will put you in 2 categories 1) Marriage boy/simp 2) Fuckboy. You should always aspire to be 2) till the stars line up and your finances have leveled up. You are two dates in. Time for her to deliver some hawk tuahs and also should be more demanding with her, like next time you will take wine to her place while she cooks. Be assertive my boy; boss b*tches dig that provided they are already attracted to you.
I don’t go for boss babes, but this guy gets it. Don’t listen to the other simps in the comments.
This is wisdom ^
Please OP, demand to be invited over to her place with a freshly cooked meal and let us know how that works out.
This is terrible advice. Turn off the alpha male podcasts and other garbage. The only way this line is ever going to work is if she is really down bad for him, and in that case he could say anything and it would work.
What consulting firm is paying you under $100k TC in your 30s? Name and shame.
What kind of consulting are you even doing?
Folks working at 40 hour a week tech consulting firms are making this or more their first year out of UG.
Im not sure if you're trolling or what but your TC does not add up, unless you are in like a third world country and are still being robbed blind
Agree, and he is almost certainly in a big/hcol city, given that he is seeing someone in BB IB. Also, as another commenter pointed out, she probably assumes he makes way more the $80k if he is a manager in consulting.
Does she know you make 80k? If I hear "manager" and "consulting", I think of a # at least 2-3x that
good point
This is like dating a man
Correct
Get a job first
DM me about this
I was wondering how you made so little as a consultant, then I got to the part about how you’re on date 2 and overthinking the fuck out of this.
at what point should he start thinking about expenses? he's down $200 now with nothing to show for it. if he doesn't change anything he'll continue to burn his money.
Nothing to show for it? Dude she’s not a prostitute.
Presumably he had a good time on said dates, and wants to continue. If he didn’t, not exactly sure what he’s doing if not gold digging.
It’s dating. You can’t quantify ROI or anything like that
I tend to agree with the OP here. Given that women are now making more money than ever (in some cities they are out earning men), this is just the natural progression of dating. I don't think most men are okay being the "provider" when their girl makes more than them and actively makes an effort to contribute as little as possible
Either we see more pairings where the woman takes on the role of provider or we see less pairings overall. There is no third option with the way the labor market is set up now
whenever you're asking for a check, just ask for 2 checks. no need to even ask her anything. if she doesn't like it, so be it.
it should be the other way around. if you're in a relationship with someone, it's completely fine to pay for them. but if it's just first dates, and you're still strangers, you should be paying separately. and it's on you to ask for separate checks, cause girls will take their chances for free meals and drinks, cause plenty of men don't have balls to ask for separate checks cause they're too scared to be judged.
I feel like the dance is always Girl offers to pay, you refuse to let her pay, and then the second date she pays. After that its just kind of a toss up. I make more than my GF, so I pay for more, but I don't really think about it at the end of the day. Its probably a 60-40 split.
I could never date a girl that never pays.
Right now you’re anchoring everything on her salary, which is understandable, but not actually the healthiest lens. Early dating norms aren’t about income parity—they’re about generosity, effort, and whether both people feel comfortable. If you turn this into “she earns 6–7x me so she should pay,” it can come across transactional pretty fast.
Dude just have the convo. It's not like you're asking for her sister's number.
If she doesn't like it, move on.
Do people not communicate anymore? Tf? There is no need to play weird games like asking for two checks.
Get ur bread up not ya head up gng
No one here is talking about how both of your faiths plays a role in this. Christianity makes it very clear what you have to do as a man on a first date. An atheistic view on dating, which you both adopt, will be confusing and contradictiory by design. Proceed with caution.
Is this a troll comment?
Please enlighten me on where Jesus gave a sermon on first dates.
"Blessed are those who pay for the first date, for they shall inherit an eternal wife"
No offense dude but how do you even afford to live in nyc/sf/la on $80k a year in your 30's??? Like do you literally plan on owning nothing your entire life? You should figure that out first.
If she is willing to spend her rare free time with you and she is cool, dont worry about it. You could become a trophy husband - which is solid. Just see how it goes, if she starts wanting to ride the D then all good.
u sound like a bitch icl
Bro everyone reaches the same conclusion.
Unless she is clearly some hardcore feminist that wants to be the "man"(i hope you are into pegging), this is not going to work.
i hope this is a troll
watch this man
Time to salarymaxxx brotha
this is the funniest WSO post in a minute, I never comment but bro. There’s a chance she even sees this.. as a girl — you should definitely get your money up. Unless, you have trust fund payments or an inheritance you’re receiving soon.. You lowkey shouldn’t even be worried about dating. Second, you’re beginning/already harboring resentment for a seemingly innocent woman, she thinks you got it like that and you don’t. Guys who are trophy husbands don’t resent their wives, they cater to them. So if that feels hard for you, you should leave now. I also agree with another ape, you’re overthinking, it’s way too early to be making generalizations.
The below advice assumes you're entering in good-faith with intent on long-term relationships. Reading the comments here, I'm amazed at how men don't even consider the other gender as human in some of these conversations. Be it from the ROI on dating or the Alpha male crap, all this advice seems misguided or short-sighted.
First things first: your salary does appear to be low for your field and progression. Dating, be it this relationship or another will be a recurring cost. If that's unacceptable, then reprioritize and try to step up in your field and minimize other expenses like these. If it's acceptable and you genuinely enjoy others' company, then budget for it and continue.
Second, many can disagree with the premise, but women invest their time and attention in early phase of dating and men invest their money and attention. The societal norm I've heard is that guys pay for the first ~5 dates and then strike a balance depending on the relationship. Some continue at (60/40) or something of that nature. Also, if you're financially strapped, why not plan out thoughtful dates like inviting her over and cooking a meal? Some women simply appreciate the initiative and effort in planning and not necessarily the cost of the evening itself.
Finally, and most importantly, none of these folks have thought to perhaps communicate and talk to the other person. If a woman leaves or is turned off by emotional vulnerability or honesty, then she was never invested in the relationship to begin with. My view is that if you're over 30, you're not a kid anymore and shouldn't dance around topics or assume things. I agree it's a bit early, so I'd wait until date 5, and from there, if you cant understand her views on the relationship or you haven't addressed the topic, then discuss it and move on.
They're femenists only when it benefits them lol
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