Dating high maintenance women

Came across this article today on high maintenance women. I can see the argument of the author that women need to "shrink themselves" so they don't seem high maintenance by people they are trying to attract. I know there have been countless threads on women in finance/alpha women but I don't think I have seen any healthy discussions on this topic.

My POV on high maintenance is that yes it can be a lot of "labor" (financial or dedicating time) and I prefer to have an equal/balanced relationship where she also dedicates the same in return, ofc I am not going to count every single detail.

If the woman needs a lot of expensive things (hence why she is seen as high maintenance) then she should either support herself or accept the fact that many men can't afford to or don't want to support their lifestyle (in both cases resulting in a smaller pool of potential mates). so either they support themselves and make it clear that they are not expecting their SO to support them or stop complaining about how their dating pool is small. This is only for financial needs assuming there isn't something serious / out of the woman's control that is preventing them from supporting themselves. Dedicating time is a different thought process, for me. 

'High maintenance' is a red flag on dating apps. Women are still expected to shrink themselves (phys.org)

Would like to hear what my fellow monkeys think or your experience dating high maintenance women.

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Comments (41)

May 4, 2022 - 3:37am
StonksAlwaysGoUp, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Honestly it's one of those things you eventually learn to not fight. Spoken to numerous girls who are high maintenance and the conversation eventually fizzles out once they realise I'm not going to spend my hard earned money on them like that. It's up to them to continue to play that field but I really wouldn't be surprised if they never find a long-term partner because I find most guys can probably only put up with that for so long and that's until they've had sex then they eventually replace her with the next "hot girl". If you're on this app then I'm guessing you're fairly young, just keep playing the field, realistically I wouldn't begin to worry about marriage until you're like 31-32, but in your 20s even if all your friends are in a LTR, play things at your speed and you may even end up being in something longer term than them if they rushed into it.

Most Helpful
May 4, 2022 - 8:44am
GoingToBeAnMD, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Maybe this is just the old man in me but the older I get, it becomes more about behavior than anything else. I don't care whether my partner is high maintenance or not, I just don't want them to cause any headaches. I work hard enough as it is, I just want to come home to a pleasant partner who's going to be fun for the evening. She could be wearing nothing but Prada or she could be missing teeth, I don't care, just be pleasant to be around and don't cause problems. That's all any successful man really needs.  

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May 4, 2022 - 11:32am
GoingToBeAnMD, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I took some liberty with my hyperbole but I think the underlying point still stands :)

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May 4, 2022 - 4:04pm
Kevin25, what's your opinion? Comment below:

to be honest, if that's the only thing that matters, why would you spend on Prada. there are a lot of girls with great personalities who are just not hot and thus low maintenance. would be a waste of resources to get a hot girl who maxes out your credit cards at Prada if you don't care if your girl is hot or not.

May 4, 2022 - 8:50am
kodi, what's your opinion? Comment below:

The car clubs/ownership groups I am part of have a very high amount of the girls you have described. They are often "seen as a trophy" along with their homes and cars and other things. I personally wouldn't want this, but if this works for them... not much for me to worry about.

For some people the relationship is about providing for each other in different ways.

May 4, 2022 - 8:54am
MonkeyNoise, what's your opinion? Comment below:

if you can afford it and know what you are getting into then sure, some dudes enjoy the aspect of providing everything.

Though more often than not it leads to an overworked man, a demanding wife, and lifestyle creep that keeps him working to the grave. I avoid expensive women like the plague, I have found almost no correlation between how expensive their lifestyle is and their looks, intelligence, ambition, or personality - so it's easy to avoid altogether.

May 4, 2022 - 9:10am
AnalyzeANDchill, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I think women labeled high maintenance are usually headaches. I do not think self sufficient women would be labeled this, it requires no maintenance because it takes care of its self in that example.

I do think you touched on something interesting though which is very high earning or high preforming women usually have a hard time dating. This seems to be because generally women do not date someone who makes less than them ( que people saying they know a women who makes more than partner) so that gives them a very limited pool if they make say 300k at 30. Because the guy who is 32 making 350k often seems less likely to settle down and is seen as very high value but as a general rule the high income does not make the women attractive by itself. She would have to already be very attractive based on other qualities to get that man as a general rule. 

May 4, 2022 - 1:30pm
MonkeyNoise, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Definitely is a factor. I'd say women are getting more open to it, but definitely have higher expectations in salary for a man than a man does for a woman (a man making 300k+ often times will absolutely not care if his woman even has a job).

What I think hurts them more is that it inflates their own perceived dateability when it really doesnt to the same degree as a man. A guy that has his own penthouse apartment, a 250k+ salary, etc. will be a big deal for most women. A woman with the same traits doesnt move the needle near as much as a man. So she thinks she is entitled to someone as her 'equal' when in reality if she wants a better partner she should focus on looks and personality

May 6, 2022 - 10:50pm
mooyi, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I know a female friend who wants someone who earns more than her (note: not the same, more) and can kind of "lead" in the relationship. The only problem is... this severely limits her dating pool because she works in high finance and makes a lot of money... and I just don't really understand it, I mean, if you already make that much money what's the incremental money the guy have going to do? I think it's more an emotional thing? Like she respects the guy more if they make more than her? I have no idea...

May 4, 2022 - 9:33am
cryptocapital, what's your opinion? Comment below:

100% don't want to date a high maintenance woman, emotionally or financially. When I was younger I thought 'maybe it's not so bad' but it's exhausting to 'emotionally' be there for a chick when she's having a new problem literally every week or two. Novelty wears off real quick

On lifestyle, I definitely don't want to be working my hours until I die. Happy to work 50hrs a week or so up until my 50s and then probably tamp down to a more flexible role. A woman who spends all my money is just not worth it. That said, overly stinginess isn't great either. Moderate is always best

May 4, 2022 - 9:44am
Arroz con Pollo, what's your opinion? Comment below:

No matter how how a woman is, somewhere there's a man tired of her shit.

Personally never believed it until I had an entanglement with an insta thot junior year. Absolute 10/10 smokeshow but she was batshit crazy, not to mention her friends who were just as bad.

Nothing wrong with high maintenance - I want my girl to look BAD, but that doesn't mean she has to act like a bitch

May 5, 2022 - 9:30am
Sequoia, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I dunno man, usually like your takes but I'm gonna have to disagree slghtly on this one -- 99% of girls that look bad are low-quality from a personality / values standpoint. Otherwise agree with what you've said

May 4, 2022 - 10:52am
StonksAlwaysGoUp, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Funny you said not worth the brain damage, I was speaking to a girl and we facetimed and met up maybe on 2-3 occasions. I could swear my IQ was eroding by the second as all she spoke about was her nails and lashes, honestly couldn't give a shit. It's made me hate girls that bother for these things now.

May 4, 2022 - 6:43pm
yourgranny101, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Lol I had the same thing happen with a Chinese girl. She wouldn't stop talking about how much she likes to party, partying in Taipei and all the stuff she likes to buy. I can't wait to leave talking to these kind of people, although I can also see some guys being fascinated by such women, even if for a very short time.

May 4, 2022 - 11:10am
K-Peezy, what's your opinion? Comment below:

High maintenance financially? Literally costly, but still manageable. Worst case, she makes me step up my own game and dress nicer, workout more, eat nicer stuff and fetch myself some nicer accoutrements, etc.

High maintenance emotionally? Hard pass. Never again will I put up with dating someone who texts me every hour throughout the day because she can't find something to do herself. I'm trying to work or take care of errands (so maybe you don't have to!), or god forbid spend time with friends/family. Not...babysit...you. Or date someone who wants me to be as emotional as a junior high girl going through her first big crush and breakup. Some things are worth deep emotion, but not EVERYTHING is. You get the point.

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May 4, 2022 - 3:13pm
IncomingIBDreject, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Texting you every hour of the day isn't high emotional maintenance (aka clingy) but more so a girl with a queen mentality who thinks she is the top of the world and everything revolves around her hence interrupting you with your work. 

Array

May 4, 2022 - 12:13pm
earthwalker7, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Would help to understand your definition of 'high maintenance.'  Would you say 'emotionally needy' or 'financially demanding'? In any case, relationships ought to be fun and enjoyable, otherwise what's the point? There's always someone out there who is fun and pleasant to be with, so why should anyone put up w/ someone who isn't?  

May 4, 2022 - 1:18pm
GoLiftSomeWeightsBro, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Hot girls are most often than not high maintenance (in the financial sense). If I have the money to piss away, why not? I like my girl to look hot and nice and expensive when she is standing beside me, sitting on my lap, giving me a bj, laying on her back etc. Having a hot chick tagging along when Im out and about also makes me look good, puts me in a good mood when I look at her and other men naturally respect me more. Its the whole package. Trophy? you better be damn sure she is. 

However, fuck emotional needy girls. I have enough shit to deal with on a daily basis. Besides, if I want something really annoying and time consuming, I will get a puppy, at least that little shit won't talk back. 

May 4, 2022 - 4:00pm
SafariJoe, what's your opinion? Comment below:

High maintenance women, I have zero time or energy for them, so in my world they are not a problem.

SafariJoe, wins again!
May 4, 2022 - 5:55pm
ConfusedGuru, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I live in a wealthy part of California, and at my local mall (that has many ultra high-end designer/luxury stores), I see an inordinate amount of old dude + young gold digger girl couples (look like daddy and daughter but the girl usually has heels and a bad nosejob + lip fillers). Don't know why those guys are so desperate. I would think with all that money, either you just enjoy your life or get a hooker once in a while. I don't get the sugar baby thing. Walking them around the mall and buying them shit. What a waste of time and money 

May 4, 2022 - 5:58pm
Isaiah_53_5 💎🙌💎🙌💎, what's your opinion? Comment below:

girls want to shop 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

May 4, 2022 - 6:17pm
SafariJoe, what's your opinion? Comment below:

ConfusedGuru

I live in a wealthy part of California, and at my local mall (that has many ultra high-end designer/luxury stores), I see an inordinate amount of old dude + young gold digger girl couples (look like daddy and daughter but the girl usually has heels and a bad nosejob + lip fillers). Don't know why those guys are so desperate. I would think with all that money, either you just enjoy your life or get a hooker once in a while. I don't get the sugar baby thing. Walking them around the mall and buying them shit. What a waste of time and money 

Sounds like orange county.

SafariJoe, wins again!
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May 5, 2022 - 9:31am
Sequoia, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Well it's not dissimilar to OF mkt -- why not just use free videos like everyone else? Because they crave that emotional connection

Sad to see how in the old days if was just the above, but now with OF it exploits lonely men everywhere at scale

May 5, 2022 - 2:24am
DipDevour, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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May 7, 2022 - 3:18pm
Isaiah_53_5 💎🙌💎🙌💎, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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