Call this the Ben Kim problem...
Does anyone have experience working closely with foreigners (usually asian or indian as is turns out) with terrible manners? How do you approach the subject, given they were likely raised in a different environment so their intermittent repulsiveness is not really their fault?
For example, literally biting nails down to nubs during meetings/calls, noticeable body odor upon entering the room, etc.
I would normally counsel sucking it up as a the lay of the land in this globalized economy but it is to the point where it effects my ability to work... more importantly, it also turns off management and LPs.
EDIT: this person is definitively senior in the organization which requires tact here.
EDIT 2: potentially solved this as a personal problem but leaving it up in case anyone out there is laboring under similar ignorance; this is a decently common psychiatric issue related to nails/chewing/breathing/general body sounds (https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/misophonia-so…)
Interesting. I'm sniffing myself as I type this to make sure I'm not the smelly asian. But while we are at the subject, what is up with the body odor? I was never able to ask the question (for obvious reasons) but is it due to lack or shower or what?
No idea... I mean, I understand forgetting to swipe the deodorant once or twice but in this case the level of consistency is pretty puzzling.
For the record, I'm sure you smell like rose petals.
Hah, that I do. Yeah and its one of those things where I can't bring myself to ask. Maybe it is what thebrofessor said and its the smell of food getting picked up on their clothes. But idk because I enjoy the smell of spice from Indian food but some Indian dudes indeed have that persistent odor. Whatever, I'm a pussy and I'm not going to ask someone why they smell hah.
Move out of the South and to civilization.
I wish I had monkey shit for this. Contemptible.
.
In Asia you are basically treated like god if you're white, just to put things in perspective
They don’t believe in one God so I don’t know what to take from this
.
Same thing in africa. They love "mzungus" as long as they're not there to screw them.
To clarify, this is not an indictment or commentary of/upon Chinese (or Asian or X) people whatsoever.
The "foreign" qualifier is to provide context why this is not simply due to the person's lack of manners (something that would be their fault and case closed) and is in fact forgivable in the vast majority of circumstances being mitigated by their different personal background.
The asian/indian bit is solely anecdotal on my part included as I guessed it was likely resonate with some readers here and thus provide helpful situational context.
Ben Kim is just a reference to Billions...
Given the above, I am sure you can see it is not terribly relevant how Chinese businessmen act (particularly within China).
dude every part of the world fucking stinks. southerners smell like fried nascar tires sometimes. I've said it before, I'll say it again: you should smell neutral or mildly nice. no one should notice your smell.
We have to differentiate between the middle class/working class from different countries to professional business people. If they are mostly from a working-class background, of course, they would not behave the same as people who came from the business world.
have you ever thought about just having an adult conversation with them about it?
"hey rajesh, I thought I heard some clicking while we were pitching that orbitz/tinder/tagthesponsor RX deal, were you biting your nails? I'm sure you're nervous, I was too during my first deal, but can you do me a favor and try to be a little more quiet next time?"
"hey lee, I'm as big of a fan of your home country's cuisine as the next guy, I just noticed something a bit foul when you walked into my office the other day and I think something you ate may have stuck to your clothes. can you do me a favor and get a couple of your suits washed? I'll send you to my cleaner, he's a good dude."
if they don't get the hint, be more direct.
I swear to god kids have no clue how to talk to people. let me let you in on a little secret, it's much more offensive to talk about someone behind their back than it is to bring it up to them tactfully like a man
To clarify, this person is decidedly superior to myself in the organization. Otherwise, yes, the conversation is obviously much easier to initiate and navigate.
The idea is to ideally be less offensive and more professional than, "dude, you smell awful".
yeah, that's a big clarification. in that case, don't be as in your face as I'm being. I was under the assumption this was an equal or a subordinate. in this case, you have to play coy.
biting fingernails: "what's that sound? or is it just me hearing it?"
smelling bad: "what's the smell? is it me?"
keep in mind you should be looking around as you say these things to see if others hear or smell it and ensure the foreigner doesn't know they're being singled out. if they don't get the hint, suck it up. hopefully they do though.
if, however, it's a deal you sourced or one that's more meaningful to you versus the culprit, tell them "hey, this client means a lot to me, do you think you could try to not bite your nails as much during the call? it throws me off my game and I want to be sure we put our best pitch out there"
Emphasis mine. You're already aware enough to understand the root of the issue - there is no universal set of manners, and customs vary widely, even in this day and age. I don't know where you're from, but I can guarantee you that you do things that would be horrifically rude in another culture, and vice versa.
This is good - having this perspective (instead of just getting frustrated or upset at the behavior) shows empathy. Use that empathy to your advantage and approach the subject from an "hey nobody's in trouble, but that's not considered polite here" angle. Patience and understanding go a long ways toward bridging cultural gaps.
... but have you ever seen a Korean guy chew? Jesus Christ what a revolting spectacle.
Goddamn it. Now I have to video myself eat and make sure its not a revolting spectacle.
See the edit to brofessor and OP: this person is senior to me so I can't really take an authoritative or "educational" tone.
I do endeavor to maintain patience and empathy. But sometimes it feels a lot like nails on a chalk board...
The chewing example is spot on; I happened to work with a similar case at another firm and eventually had to flee his vicinity whenever he ate...).
Apparently, this is actually a potential psychiatric disorder which may solve why I seem to get particularly bothered (just found this today): https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/misophonia-sounds-really-make-crazy…
You do realize that Ben Kim is an American and not a foreigner, right? I'm guessing you're one of the racist idiots that starts conversations with "Well, I don't mean to be racist, but ..."
My man, he is virtually the only Asian/Indian/minority character on the show and definitely the most prominent at Axe Cap; relates to my name and who Wags interacts with on the show... see the scene where Ben brings in smelly-looking Ethiopian food and Wags tell him to "step it up". Just a simple Billions reference to kick off the post, that's all.
I'm guessing you're one of those regular idiots who no one likes to be around.
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