Got back from a date. This is what she said. Is this a red flag?
Really pretty girl. 22 yro. Just graduating out of Columbia. Majored in computer science. So, shes really smart too.
I'm a 25yro third year analyst at a BB.
Date went well. Dinner went really well. We laughing all the time and then I asked her what are the most important things she looked for in a guy for long term purposes. And she answered "well, the first thing is that he has to have ambition. Second, and this sounds horrible I know, but he has to be making more than me. I don't really care what he does, as long as I'm not footing our bills and really, he has to at least make more than me. Sorry if that sounds bad!"
Now, I've been on a LOT of dates, both in college and after college. I've heard the whole "I want a man with ambition" ALL THE TIME, but never the "he has to make more than me" line. That's a first! Now, gentlemen of WSO, is this a red flag? She was pretty eager for a second date but I don't know if I want to pursue that anymore. Or am I overreacting here? Cause she just forced me to compare her to an old TA's hot hot fiance who graduated med school and makes 180k while he makes ~140k which is lower than hers and she seems to be cool with that.
How else do you expect to support me, douchebag.
HA. yeah but she wasn't even cool if the man had the SAME salary as her, whether that salary be $80k or $1,500,000. The man has to always have a higher salary even if just a $1. that's what she said lol.
LOL just saw you go to columbia, class of 12. listen babe, did you like my cologne earlier?
Ask her how much she makes and report back.
haha will do
Frankly I don't think it's an auto-ding at this point. A lot of girls probably think something like that, but would just never actually say it to a guy. Points for honesty?
If you start to see that there's an overall pattern of her being materialistic/excessively conscious about money, however, then it's clearly a problem.
Yeah I would assume this. It could be just a hoop jumping exercise, and I am sure that the ambition will die a bit when she actually starts working.
If I made less than my fiancee I'd kill myself
This. Wow, the man bringing in the most money in a marriage? What a concept.
What if she was a model?
I’ve always wondered how much do they actually make in NYC? Google indicates a very wide band for potential comp (not surprising) so if you have any personal examples that would be great.
does 'As long as I'm not footing our bills' mean 'pay for all my shit while i buy fendi?'
and is that really the top of her list? yeah id get rid of that
Yeah I would give it another shot but if you can tell she's got materialistic tendencies DROP HER ASAP
note to all : most of the girls in nyc are materialistic, unballin, prestige/status chasin whores. use it to your advantage but dont fall in love with one of them :) find the alpha independent baller females for wifey
did you fuck her?
Most important comment so far
Kick her to the curb.
Code phrase: I'm quitting my job once I find my man but I won't settle for a lower standard of living.
I haven't met many smart people in my life. IlliniPride, however, has just convinced me he is one of them. +1
Depends what you're looking for. Let's say she is a gold digger (we don't know this, but let's just assume), you gotta ask yourself if that's what you want. There are plenty of ppl on this site who are fine with a girl dating them just for their money, given they are hot enough. Personally, I would never do that. I wont get into my convoluted thought process here, but in short i feel like the woman always has the upper hand in money/ gold digger relationships. I wudnt touch that shit with a 10 ft. stick, not to say I don't respect those who do.....to each his own
Tell her to apply to CBS, she'll fit right in.
[quote=valleybandar]Tell her to apply to CBS, she'll fit right in.
]I normally LOATHE those business school music videos, but this one actually made me lol.
What does this mean lol
What does this mean lol
Sounds like a golddigger. Fuck her and leave her.
I don't know guys... A Columbia grad with CS as her major doesn't scream gold digger to me. If she were an Art History major at Baruch, I would think otherwise.
just because she got the degree doesnt mean shes goign to ball out with it lol
ever heard of the MRS degree
Thank you and we'll said.
Don't know how you can consider her for a long-term relationship when her anwser was one of a teenager (which shows she's clearly immature and too young).
You better do like that other banker and start updating your spreadsheets of your females.
pump and dump
Whoaaaa..
I think hump and dump is the more appropriate terminology for what the OP is suggesting. Also referred to as "hitting and quitting", or my personal favorite: "toot it and boot it".
melvvvar gets sloppi seconds or it didn't happen
Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with looking for a financially-secure partner.
what she's asking for is different though
I agree, I don't think anything is wrong with looking for a physically attractive partner either.
If you don't agree - you are a hypocrite.
OP you are not going to get in bed with this girl. What is happening now is that you are trying to qualify yourself to her standards, which is a big no no in the dating world. By asking question like this, you are subconsciously admitting that you need her approval. Girls love confident guys and confident guys do not ask for anyone's approval.
Most importantly, at any time when you are using logic/reason to justify why someone should date you, things will start going downhill. Why? If her point was she wants to date someone who make more than her, she can definitely find a lot of other guys who do. Even if you make more than her, there are still more guys who fit this quality.
You should have never ask for qualifying questions like this. If someone asked you about your salary, just say, "let's talk about something else" If she insists, tells her, "if you tell me your boobs' size, I will tell you my salary."
I have gone on multiple dates in NYC (including a girl who went to Columbia, whose parents are super loaded back home) without letting girls know 1) what I do for a living, 2) how much money I make, 3) where I live and 4) where I go to school. It definitely keeps things more interesting.
FYI. I started helping guys around me to get girls as a dating coach a few years ago. As of today, with my help, two of my buddies got married to the girls that they want. I helped two other buddies get their girlfriends. And two other friends are having a lot of success with dating. I also run my dating advice blog and also write for a pretty reputable dating coach (he was featured on Men Health).
if you don't mind,whats your dating blog called?
With the amount of dating questions we've been getting here as of late, get your blog on here too.
RESPECT.
She's a child. Any girl that expects you to always make more than her isn't just looking for a secure or ambitious man, she's looking for a daddy. Not necessarily a sugar daddy, but a daddy nonetheless. She has daddy issues, so as turtles so eloquently put it, pump and dump.
im a nosy fucker UFO
You need to explain further. what is TA and she is medical and makes 180k and what about the guy, is he medical as well. I thought medical people make less than finance??
What about your date? how much she makes ? what about you?
The reason I am asking, is that it seems that is the main issue in your mind and it was occupying you during the date. That was the only thing you remembered or the only thing that caught your attention?
Give her a second chance. Tell her you will see her next Tuesday.
You're over thinking things. If I were you, I'd take her out on another date.
Just take her on the next date and see what she's really on about. Maybe she's just extremely honest. Nobody can tell me that they don't have some honest confessions that would seem pretty fucked up being said out loud.
Impossible. I've never met a female CS major that's attractive, let alone one at Columbia.
This has to be a troll post. I can't imagine a 3rd year IBD analyst dumb enough to post a question this retarded on WSO. If you're fine having a golddigger for a gf, then go ahead and continue dating her. Otherwise just pump and dump. Just a warning: if you're dumb enough to ask shit like this on internet forums, then you'll prob end up marrying some socialite-wannabe bitch and divorcing 2 years later with half your money gone.
Haha, +1.
RARE at columbia, but hey, it happens. pretty geek chicks are the best. Like this girl i work with, computer science, class of 11:
http://www.linkedin.com/in/laurenpully
RARE at columbia, but hey, it happens. pretty geek chicks are the best. Like this girl i work with, computer science, class of 11:
http://www.linkedin.com/in/laurenpully[/quote]
Can't believe you posted her linkedin, she'll be so freaked out if she find this...
p.s. nice casual GS name drop there too, well done, A+
RARE at columbia, but hey, it happens. pretty geek chicks are the best. Like this girl i work with, computer science, class of 11:
http://www.linkedin.com/in/laurenpully[/quote]
That's like the top 1% of CS chicks, and among the 50th percentile of biology/psychology/business girls.
Out of the few CS girls I met from Columbia, they pretty much resembled the girl at 38:39 in this video both in terms of appearance and social awkwardness. I'll admit my sample size is very small though.
If you manage to find the one exception, then props to you.
Wow, you need to read "The Game" by Neil Strauss or the Mystery Method or Double Your Dating by David D. Read these and all of your problems will be solved...
Nerd
I know plenty of 3rd year analysts, and the odd thing is the lack of confidence needed to worry about this and the guts to post it.
Points for honesty, you need to judge the reason.I know a girl who said something similar to a friend of mine, but she ended up being cool and just wanted to focus on her work (fine arts related) without worrying to much about standard of living. No daddy problems, y'all need to stop with the dating stereotypes. It's also a pride thing, like dating a dude taller than you, from conversations I had with girls at work about this at the time, but in that case first date is too early, especially given how young you both are.
Also, quitting once I get married can be fine. In fact, it's harder to find intelligent, non crazy women who are willing to do this and raise your little genius kids than the other way around these days, know what you're looking for.
1) how was that a dick move? i've had nothing but flattery and praise to say about her. you know, i really dont understand you people sometimes.
2) cute enough to be in finance, in a tech position, to have majored in CS, have gone to columbia. see now, YOU just made a negative commment about her. this is worse than me posting her linkedin or obama's twitter.
3) I am Blankfein's personal shoe shiner.
You know there is something wrong when someone asks for dating advice on this forum.
The red flag here is not that she said what she said, it's that she said it apologetically and thought the impact to be "bad". This tells you that she is merely expressing something that she doesn't necessarily believe in. It could be coming from her upbringing , her social circle, pressure from her girlfriends and so on- Which tells you that she is easily affected but what others think is right or wrong.
Another possibility is that she doesn't know how to say what she wants to say without sounding like a douchebag. She probably might have wanted to say " I've had a few experiences with guys of whom I earn more than, and they tend to be insecure about it and wouldn't want to repeat that, or I ended up carrying the load all the time and it gets exhausting and I kind of lost respect for them"
She is 22, Columbia or not, most 22 year old chicks are just socially dumb although they think they're the shit. She could have a great future ahead of her, and she could mature easily if she's with a guy who doesn't take every word she says too literally. Give her another chance, go out, have fun and notice her behavior towards more general things like how she treats waiters, or what she thinks about giving change to homeless people, or would she rather buy a Fendi or take a trip somewhere, then make up your mind.
And for fucks sake, please don't ask resume questions!!!! What do you look for in a long term partner is old, pointless (a smart girl can tell you exactly what you want to hear) and boring. Take the pressure off the date and let it be as spontaneous as possible. Even if it takes 3 or 4 dates to find out all the basics, it's ok...Yes your time is valuable, but you're 25..it's ok.
she will be the sex toy of a string of alphas until she is worn out and haggard at the age of 29, at which point she will drag her sorry ass and her vagina (which by then would hang like sleeve of wizard) over the betaland and land herself a meek little provider to father her unremarkable offspring.
I dont understand why you even asked this question.. Clearly you like this girl so you're trying to measure yourself against some hypothetical being who would be her future. I actually would be glad that she was at least honest with me from the get-go. But I can understand the apprehension. Think of it this way though. She's 22. She probably has had some dates during college in which her loser date probably split the bill or got her to pay for it. Or she's had bad experiences with boyfriends. Or maybe this was some issue for her parents or someone else close to her. Whatever, either way there's plenty of scope to give her the benefit of the doubt. Especially after one date. I still dont understand why you would ask this question. I've never felt the need to ask this question and its definitely not a first date question. Like I said, its obvious you like the girl and you're trying to match up to her desires. Which is fine but then dont turn it around as a deal breaker on her part.
Here's what you have to remember:
1) I am sure she in fact regrets answering the question like that. Her reluctant and apologetic tone should tell you that. If she liked you, she may feel that she came across as a gold-digger.
2) Take the second date. How often are you going to find an attractive, intelligent girl, which judging by how well the date went, that you have a connection with early?
3) Judgment of someones character is not easy. Take the second, third date(s) and suss some of her kinks out. Only then should you make a judgment.
4) She may reciprocate and ask you the same question, as it perhaps provides her with an opportunity to provide further justification for her response. If she does, I would say she's not a gold-digger. From my experience, women who are keen to take you for what you're worth are quite open about it. They know they're doing it and you know you're falling for it but the alternative seems bad for said person so he rides with what he has. Plus again she's 22, she probably has no idea what she wants in life yet.
Definitely agree with what Human was saying though. All the best.
^^^My dating blog might not be as sophisticated as I would like to be, at this point. I write for http://www.menspsychology.com/. It is ran by Dr. Paul Dobransky, who was featured on MensHealth on their "The Coolest Jobs in America", http://www.menshealth.com/coolestjobs/paul-dobransky/paul-dobransky21.p…. For the female readers, http://www.womenshappiness.com/. I actually went into training for 18 months, reading on various literature on dating, pick up artist, behavioral psychology. I have also trained under a pick up artist in the new york city. And also went out practicing what I learned and refined my approach towards women. Would be happy to help any Monkeys regarding dating issues. I am based off New York City and would be happy to meet up any Monkeys for face-to-face advice.
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Girls are dumb, especially when they haven't even graduated from college yet . Hit and quit.
Step back and think GS boy. In the first date you never talk about money, it is just boring, you should be talking about common interests and mundane things. She seems pretty plain vanilla to me, talking about $$$ on the first dinner.
Go out on another date, don't talk about money or work, and get a feel on the connection. She is cute though, worth the try.
Ps: I agree with John, there is nothing wrong with looking for a physically attractive partner.
The footing the bills comment was the red flag for me.
I'd foot the bill if I took a girl out but I wouldnt want it enforced on me, if that makes sense.
Send her my way. I have exeperience dealing with women like this.
do you mean groveling to them for sex, getting shot down, and lamenting on WSO?
ding ding ding ding ding
Your mom didnt complain. Brah, I dont grovel. I hit that shit.
.
OP welcome to reality - women want their better halves to earn more than them. Some women will hide the fact and some like your date will spill it out. Your date seems smart as shes using words and not playing mind games.
I dont see the problem. For the woman I love, I would be inclined to keep her happy.
this was just a date Rico Suave
IMHO, "he has to have ambition" is pretty much the same thing as "I want a guy who makes a lot of money" coming from a lot of girls
(which by then would hang like sleeve of wizard)
well played
.I know a girl who said something similar to a friend of mine, but she ended up being cool and just wanted to focus on her work (fine arts related) without worrying to much about standard of living. No daddy problems, y'all need to stop with the dating stereotypes
^--- so she wanted to paint and do dumb shit and not worry about real responsibilities? yea, thats reaaaaaaaaaaaaaal coooooooool.
i think im about to start my own blog on women and dating on here since some of you guys need some sort of a reality check
Both of you are virgins
I'm a CS grad from Columbia and would actually prefer to make more than who I'm with ;)
Well, I dated a gal she told me same thing....her concept was if guy makes less than gal then guy ego doesnot let him to be happy......
So may be she is smart...sigh.......gal I was dating was a banker with Barclay ......she used to make 30k$ more than me :(..I fucked her and left
No you didnt. Why would you lie here? I hate to stereotype, but between the ellipses and referring to a woman as a 'gal', are you Indian?
lol ! ...apology .......for referring woman as a gal........and I dont need to post proof of any thing ! What make u think that I lied though !
well, It was mutual consent....she used me for some thing :)
I don't care if a woman makes more than me, and I don't associate with chicks that don't work. If you're in a relationship/married and she wants to spend more time with the kids, then yeah, the guy's income is a pretty relevant factor. If a chick is not planning on marriage anytime soon and wants a guy who makes a lot of $$$, then yeah, she's a gold digger, simple as that.
EDIT: You got lucky knowing this beforehand. NYC is very strange in that women will often ask for the company, title, years of work, school, even income of a guy and very often before even asking for a name. It took me a while, but I've come to realize: it is what it looks like, enjoy it for what it is?
it really is dependant on if she puts out or not...and if she doesn't, you can always go with the "lets not turn this rape into a murder" line
Well. she will be freaked out, when she will see her profile view on linkdln went to 140 in one day...remove the link before she call u and $$$%$
Take a rip at hur without a condom and then tell her you actually work at Subway when you leave her place
She'll be trippin' on that til shartee comes out
LOLOL
If she was really a gold-digger she wouldnt be dating a banking analyst as an attractive 22 year old could go way richer if she wanted. You just asked a stupid boring question and she responded. As the dating coach guru guy said you fucked this one up no big deal just move on and then next time actually be a fun, interesting person instead of asking her resume questions.
I think you should give her another chance. All girls are not same. As, I said before some one can ask question about pay because they think guys can have ego problem (Chinese girl told me this )......but the way people think varies from culture to culture or May be she is looking for a person who is capable enough to give her moral and financial support or May be she is thinking for future in terms of family...whatever is the reason ..she deserves a next date....she looks like a nice and sweet girl..dont let her go so easily...you are a finance guy dont take a loss...Best of luck
wow this thread sucks
she sounds like a real sweety...you know, asking about cash and everything.
I love it when girls ask guys about how much money they make, it's so awesome and sexy.
I don't like hot girls who speak foreign languages and do freelance photography. I really think girls who study computer science and ask about money on the first date are really sexy.
I don't like grabbing pizza or burgers from famous diners. I just like playing on the computer and talking about money. It's so fun
so basically she is a prostitute: she will exchange sexual favors for material.
verrry nice. i like. how much?
Stop being retarded...Get a life
no YOU get a life.
nyeah!
It's not a red flag if she's equally ambitious. You could put it back on her and say you feel the same way. So, a compromise is that you both stay close to parity. Clearly she's capable, she has a CS degree from an Ivy so as long as she doesn't feel like she can bag a rich guy and throw in the towel, I'd say she's a keeper.
update op?
Sounds like a realllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll keeper!
Let me know your wedding date so I can give you some money for a congrats gift. And you can go buy your girl her tampax.
I don't think it's a ding unless you get major gold digger vibes from her. I know I have no interest dating a girl who makes more than me, but that's just cause I'm old fashioned and feel like the man should be bringing home the bacon.
She is a gold digger.
Move on. Better now than later.
people say dumb crap when they're nervous. especially on a first date. don't look too into it
Keep her then upgrade later
.
Isn't this common sense?
Bruh she sounds like a leech, drop her
I'm sure he'll heed this advice, nine years later :P
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