I'll Show You A Recession

Some media outlets are champing at the bit to declare our pesky little financial booboo a thing of the past -- now I don't want to name names, ahem -- but some mothertruckers at Newsweek recently went so far as to broadcast the story of America's amazing comeback. We did it! (Now can I have some money?)

Tell that to Steve Doaz. My buddy Steve here, an Ohio man through and through, has a house. Well, most of a house. But the bank wanted that house -- the original house, that is. You see, they wanted to foreclose on poor Stevie. He owed them some money. But Steve wasn't having any of that claptrap, so he did what any self-respecting SUV owner would do: he drove his American-made automobile directly into -- what looks like -- his living room. A somewhat pyrrhic victory for Detroit -- and Steve.

"Foreclose this!" he said, before realizing his truck was in reverse and headed into his son's sand box.

Whether or not Steve is a fan of Monster Truck rallies is unimportant, the point is that Steve would rather repeatedly run-over his house than have the bank take it. Steve, if you're reading this by some stroke of good fortune, I would like to participate in this show of solidarity and run over your house with you. I'll bring the Bud Lights. And my scooter. And "the Ride of the Valkyries."

In February, Edmundo picked up on a similar story, in which Terry Hoskins (also, "coincidentally," an Ohio-an) bull-dozed his home rather than allow the bank to take his home and sell it for a profit that he thought he deserved more than the bank. I smell an epidemic.

Now, I'm not going to say that these freedom fighters were in the right -- they both made seemingly injudicious financial decisions that got them into this repo situation in the first place. However, it seems to me that two months ago guys were using bulldozers to raze their homes and now they're just using their own g-d vehicles to destroy their homes. If that's not a sign that the recession is alive and well I don't know what is. But I'm no doctor.

I certainly hope that Steve didn't have a family living in the house at the time he got all crashy in his truck, because it would be pretty disturbing as a kid to have dad reading you Harry Potter in bed from the front seat of his F-150.

I'm going to drive my scooter into Newsweek's offices, anyone with me?