Is marrying a girl who makes more than you asking for trouble?

To sum it up, been talking to a girl (with the intent of marriage) who's in med school and will be raking it in once she's done. Thing is, I am a business grad who might cap at making like 110k/yr. Will she put a leash on me and always remind me that she's the boss if I went ahead and married her? thanks in advance.

Comments (114)

Controversial
4mo 
poignant, what's your opinion? Comment below:

This reeks of double standards and fragile ego.

No… it won't be a problem unless you make it one.

It's pretty difficult to find someone who will cap making the exact same as you. So there will always be an imbalance.

Could handle someone making only 30k? Would you make it a problem then? Or do you think it would be fine because the financial power is in your hands? Because you would 'never put a leash on your partner'.

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4mo 

Statistically it's not likely to last. Women want men who make more than them bottom line. They want security and even if they make money, they want the ability to quit at any moment and have a man provide the same amount or more of income. 

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Funniest
4mo 
The EBITA addback, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Shut up intern. Don't tell us what woman want. I make triple my partner and I don't want to "quit whenever I can". Show us the studies that back up what you're saying because what you said has real incel vibes. 
 

edit: I just did the math- I actually make quadruple what my partner makes. Still not looking to quit my job. 

Like the unadjusted- only with a little bit extra.
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4mo 
IncomingIBDreject, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Studies can be pretty difficult in this space because of a well known phenomenon that participants answer with the socially acceptable answer rather than the true one when the questions seek to look at controversial topics. Researchers have been trying to get around this with questions that subtlety imply something but not outright suggest it so people don't default to the socially acceptable answer but that's still a difficult issue to solve.

Most women in studies consistently say that kindness is the number one attribute they look for in a mate and yet the financially secure, 6ft+ ripped male has dozens of women he can choose at ease from independent of personality, whereas a guy lacking such traits is very likely to be single. This is summarized by the (80% of women chasing 20% of men phenomenon). So clearly the studies don't add up. Looks and money matter more on average to girls than personality. Similarly, guys on here talk about always going for the hot wife (appearance), regardless of her income but most guys on here wouldn't touch a girl without a college degree or who came from a difficult home environment with a ten foot pole even if she was hot. So in that sense education, income, and family background matter more than appearance.

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4mo 
hedgehog9, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Well OP a high-earning women that likely cheats on her bf because she doesn't respect him has jumped in here with her opinion (which surprise surprise, is to marry the women who makes multiple of what you do). NEVER listen to what a woman says -- when it come to long-term decisions on what she wants -- vs. what she actually DOES. A good rule for people in general but definitely with women

Women say they want the shy guy with a heart of gold but they'll walk right over that dude -- which is fine, but why lie about it?

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4mo 
mikeandblock, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I didn't know it was shocking to say most women prefer a partner who makes more and can support them while men don't care what their partners makes whether that be more or less. Source Jordan Peterson video on "gender expectations" explained.

4mo 
Coconut1983, what's your opinion? Comment below:

80% of divorces are initiated by women. Especially educated women where its like 90% i think.

My numbers might be off by 5-10% but you get the idea.

Financial problems are also the biggest reason for divorce.

This suggests there is a strong overlap.

Women don't like (on average) having the main financial burden forever.

Does it mean his relationship is doomed ? No, stereotypes are what they are.

But it's the same as saying women like taller men, or men like women with less sexual partners on average. Doesn't matter if we think its good or bad, it just is, no need to get mad. Stats are stats, it's up to each couple to figure out their dynamic.

4mo 
outofcapecod, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Not the intern but here you go: https://www.kiplinger.com/personal-finance/603298/women-who-make-more-than-their-husbands-should-watch-out?amp

4mo 
thehalifaxgroup, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Even anecdotally I know some men where their partners make significantly more & they dance to the woman's tune. They are literally domesticated, declawed housecats 

This is just not worth it 

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4mo 

Should be fine if you have a solid trust fund. 

  • Associate 1 in IB-M&A
4mo 

My mom made far more than my dad (as in low 7 figures vs low 6 figures), and they've been married for 39 years without any issues. Fwiw my fiancé also makes far more than I do (quant trader vs BB IB pay for reference), and I don't really have anything wrong with that. Tbh the only problem you may have is if you have the innate belief in more traditional gender views where you have to be the breadwinner of the family, because then your ego probably won't be able to take your spouse making more than you. Personally, growing up in a household where my mom the breadwinner, I never held the more traditional views on gender roles and thus I really can't care less if I make less than my spouse. 

4mo 
fhfslegacy, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Great response. Thank you

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4mo 
Username_TBU, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Yep. My wife outearns more. It was an ego hit early in our relationship, caused some problems (that I created) due to jealousy. Also there's an issue that as a guy in finance, I was putting a lot of self worth in how much I made. Now I'm just happy that my wife does well - a ton less pressure and great for the fam!

EDIT: This also will become more prevalent as more and more woman are becoming educated and going for jobs for a long term career rather than assuming they will raise kids

4mo 
Isaiah_53_5 💎🙌💎🙌💎, what's your opinion? Comment below:
Fawadhassan

To sum it up, been talking to a girl (with the intent of marriage) who's in med school and will be raking it in once she's done. Thing is, I am a business grad who might cap at making like 110k/yr. Will she put a leash on me and always remind me that she's the boss if I went ahead and married her? thanks in advance.

You don't make that much money out of med school in residency. You'll be making more than her for years if not forever if your career blows up. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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4mo 
fhfslegacy, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Agreed, that's a valid point

4mo 
TechBanking, what's your opinion? Comment below:
Fawadhassan

Agreed, that's a valid point

Your average primary care doc is making $150-180k these days (and declining), depending on market. You make more being a doctor in Mississippi than California. Residents don't make crap. Specialists make more, but it's also more years in underpaid training. 

Most Helpful
4mo 
billy_boy79, what's your opinion? Comment below:

While there are exceptions, more likely than not it will. Most women just don't respect SOs that make significantly less than them. Is it a double standard? Yes, but it's one for a reason. She'll crack the whip whenever you get out of line. I know one of those cases myself and it's clear that she does not respect her husband whatsoever & is only staying for the kid

Ignore history & biology at your own peril

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4mo 
fhfslegacy, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Im sorry i'll have to disagree. End of the day every woman has a solid grasp on her husband one way or another, regardless of how much more he is making. I've seen this countless amount of times. Believe it's just the nature of a woman to want control and change her man. 

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4mo 
billy_boy79, what's your opinion? Comment below:

No disagreement here with that. What I'm saying is that you have WAY less room to maneuver when she does try to control & change you. What are you going to say, how are you going to push back? You're fundamentally not being the provider in the relationship (which is really the main role of men since the history of mankind). Quite literally while you are not a deadbeat you will be just one step above that in her eyes over time if you resist her controlling you (which any self respecting man would do because who wants to be forced to change)

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4mo 
reformed, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Says the fatty with no real life experience

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4mo 
Green_Bananas, what's your opinion? Comment below:

100% this.

A lot of guys in this thread with their head in the sand and refuse to acknowledge biology. Men and women are different, and there's nothing wrong with that. 

"I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse."

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4mo 
PeRmAnEnTiNtErN, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I mean its not just income, it could be anything, not tall enough, not interesting enough, don't like the same music, don't like the same foods, not as good as their friends BF, etc..  

Any of those could get you the "he's just not quite it"  and then there will be a lack of respect. Long story short - you have to find someone who respects/loves you.  If they respect/loves you, non of the other items will even matter.  

4mo 
TaxHavenFTW, what's your opinion? Comment below:

So they should be divorced, thats a horrible example

4mo 
IncomingIBDreject, what's your opinion? Comment below:

thats a horrible example

They are still married, so it's an example.

Only picking successful cases would be cherry picking.

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4mo 
ChrisQQ, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Just curious.. why are you allowing yourself to be 'capped' at 110k? 

If you're concerned about income, why not do what it takes to increase your income regardless of your partner's income? 

If you lack ambition and she has it in spades, which is likely given shes in medical school, I'd be more concerned with if she will find lack of drive an issue rather than money… she may not have a problem with it but in that case, yes, she may want to wear the pants in the relationship esp if shes in a high earning specialty.. those select for more intense personalities for a variety of reasons. 

4mo 
UCSDThrowaway, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Not a big deal in this case as she won't be making THAT much, and you still make six figures as a "businessman".

Now if you were a middle school history teacher.. yeah, absolutely no chance 

4mo 
Isaiah_53_5 💎🙌💎🙌💎, what's your opinion? Comment below:
Sequoia

Does 6 figures even mean anything anymore? It's not really 2015 anymore, I feel like 100k today = 70k 5-7yrs ago

Yeah exactly 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

4mo 
PeRmAnEnTiNtErN, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Believe it or not it is not the same buying power,  but it definitely is still in the back of girls mind. I went to a party a little while ago that had a lot of people outside of finance and I got talking to some women there that were well established in engineering and they still very much care about the "six-figure" number. 

4mo 
IncomingIBDreject, what's your opinion? Comment below:

If he caps at 110K she'll be making at a minimum 2.5-3X more than him. Throw in a speciality and 4-5X isn't far fetched.

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4mo 
Aspiringwearerofdealsleds, what's your opinion? Comment below:

This makes me so sad :( can you please give the woman a chance. If she loves you, honest to god she wont see you as cashflow. 

if you make your relationship about money, then it will matter, but if you like her and she likes you back honestly this shouldn't be an issue. 

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4mo 
excellente, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Make more money than her then if you are so insecure about your income. Mostly likely she won't make more than you do until she's out of residency for a few yrs

4mo 
MonkeyNoise, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Depends on the woman. Yes, MANY women will have an issue with it even if they act like they don't or worse - talk about a desire to be a breadwinner, but routinely only get with men who make more than them. I see this more with business/lawyer type women who care more about appearances and 'prestige'

IMO stem women are often wired a bit differently. She will only resent you if you're a deadbeat. There's a difference between you:

- being a stay at home jobless husband 

- having an absolute dead end job like barista 

or

- having a solid , regular career, that won't pay as well but still help contribute financially

if it's the last bucket then you really don't have as much to worry about. The same risks you face in this relationship will be similar even if she were making less than you. Just make sure you're aligned on money going into dating , engagement, marriage , etc. in terms of the type of lifestyles you envision for yourselves. But that's the case for any relationship 

men get hung up on the money piece way too much. Look to your friends, those with good jobs and those with bad ones. Their partners are more reflective of their other traits (looks, hobbies, values) than just financial ones. Good looking middle class people date other hot middle class people. Ugly upper class people date other ugly upper class people (with some exceptions in the south). Once you reach a certain threshold, and it's far lower than you think, you are better off keeping her attraction and respect by focusing on other things (fitness, interests, social circle) than how much $ you pull in

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4mo 
ironman32, what's your opinion? Comment below:

FWIW, Tom Brady isn't the bread winner in his house (side note: which is dumb, because Tom Brady spent hours and hours developing his talent, where as his wife just had the genetics come together in the desired way). 

I don't think this is a problem. Just be clear how things will be in the future if you want to get married. For example, I know a woman who is going to law school but just wants to be a stay at home mom. So if she expects you to make more or maintain a certain lifestyle for her, think about it (if thats your situation).

I know a lot of successful women, and they know how much they make, so they prob have an idea they might date someone who makes less. I now I've dated women who make more than me, it is what it is (also side note: some of these women also came from very wealthy background, so they could afford to spend years in school.)

4mo 
Sequoia, what's your opinion? Comment below:

It's hilarious when people point to their marriage as a successful one when they've had multiple rounds of separations 

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4mo 
s921, what's your opinion? Comment below:

This is definitely something you may have to manage intelligently in a relationship, particularly if you plan to have kids. That said, I'm not sure if you should be thinking about this at the outset to decide to marry/not.

My mom (who was a BB VP at the time) left the workforce to have me and ended up staying home instead of taking a promotion on the opposite coast. This decision ended up being a regular talking point whenever my parents would argue (mom would say "I made more; we would be X much better off if we followed my career instead of yours")  and was/is really unhealthy to their relationship.

Seems to me that most high paying jobs have improved at retaining people since the late 90s, but hope my experience adds value to you.

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4mo 
fhfslegacy, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Appreciate the reply. At the same time woman will find any excuse to leverage off in an argument. For example, even if she was a stay at home mom, and say your kids received terrible grades in school, she'd argue "it's because you're working 9-5 and never have time to inspire the kids!" (stupid example but you get the idea) lmao

4mo 
MonkeyNoise, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Also if you value yourself only by your paycheck then don't be surprised when others do the same 

there are plenty of ways to compliment someone and add value outside of simply earning more than them 

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4mo 
IncomingIBDreject, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Money and looks are the top 2. If OP doesn't look like a Chad, it would be a problem.

People may not openly admit it but look at the top reasons people getting divorced. 

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4mo 
theATL, what's your opinion? Comment below:

There isn't one answer to this and averages won't be useful as it comes down to so many variables (how you two communicate, what you value, how you will handle the $ discrepancy, etc). I don't think it is an issue and not something I would ever worry about (married to someone who makes 2x what I do), instead I would focus on whether you love the person, whether you share similar values, how you communicate, etc. The issues with the money fall out of those things. 

For me, it was important to be financially independent and have a fulfilling career. I am dependent on my wife for many things in life, but I wanted to feel comfortable financially (independent of what she makes), it also limits the stress if one of us were to lose our jobs. Outside of that, I'm happy to have her earn more, makes life much easier for us. I can imagine people struggle (male or female) if they feel like they are in a relationship where they have to ask permission to spend money, but again that is less of who makes what, and more about what values you share (you could also just have one joint account and that money is for both). It is more about how people treat the discrepancy. 

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4mo 
bobslobb, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I can seen this become a problem when both the husband and wife work in the same or similar industries. For example, if the wife in the relationship works in high finance while the husband works at Northwestern Mutual but always aspired to be in IB. But if your wife is a doctor or in tech there would only ever be an issue if you have a superiority problem. There's no right answer to this. Every couple views money, income, and gender roles very differently.

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4mo 
MonkeyNoise, what's your opinion? Comment below:

One reason I never pursued relationships in office

its one thing if you're wife is a doctor and you're in, say, commercial banking. Doctor makes more but literal apples and oranges careers

its another if you have same role same company and she gets promoted ahead of you, or are with guys all day in this hierarchy that are above you. That's something that I think would be part of your relationship dynamic every day. Would be hard to get past that cucked feeling 

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4mo 
Patrick Basedmann, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Have you ever seen a rich woman (celebrity or what have you) date an ordinary man?

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4mo 
coachfuego, what's your opinion? Comment below:

This is why Andrew Tate exists as a famous social media sensation. He actually explains the answer to your question in detail if you look it up.

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4mo 
GeorgeSorosFinanceMaster, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Yep dude.  Just let an admitted con artist (his schtick is tricking men into sending money to webcam models) and rapist (he moved to Romania because it would be harder to arrest him for rape) tell you how to be a man.

I swear, the manosphere is just the male version of MLMs.

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4mo 
Bat3man, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Yes it is asking for trouble. The reality is that chicks don't really respect dudes who make less than them like that and they're more prone to having masculine tendencies (non-agreeable, type A personality, etc). Once she starts making that doctor money she's gonna be less inclined to listen to you. You'll effectively become her subordinate.

4mo 
86734562, what's your opinion? Comment below:

The answers to almost all of life's questions. Just make more money. Abundance mindset my guy.

Im dating a girl about to go to med school too. Will be a happy day when she's making $500k a year but that's 8 years from now. I plan to be making a hell of a lot more than that by then.

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4mo 
ConfusedGuru, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I would love to marry a girl that makes more than money, but that's extremely unlikely 

4mo 
TaxHavenFTW, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Only a problem if you have a small dick

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4mo 
marketMergerMaddie, what's your opinion? Comment below:

It's really interesting to read this from the perspective of a woman. 

I know a lot of people are saying that the guy who is worried about their wife making more than them is completely insecure, and although true, I understand where he's coming from. I've discussed this a bit on this forum before, but many males are taught from a young age to like money, be focused on expensive things, have a high paying job, etc., in a way that girls and young women certainly are not. I was never taught growing up that my value in life revolved around what I made or the job I had, like so many men are. 

Being in a relationship where you make less than your partner (or even where you feel dependent on them or controlled by them) is at a minimum a hit to the ego and at worst a feeling of failing in life. I'm not a relationship therapist, but I think if you feel like this is the case for you, talking to someone about it will help. If you talk to her about it, be aware this may project insecurity, leading to the beginning of the end of your relationship. Women don't want to be in relationships where their husband is constantly jealous of them or feels belittled by their successes, so women often feel they have no choice but to leave. 

Firstly, if you feel like your wife is in control of your whole life, that's not fun or normal regardless of what she makes. Secondly, if her making less than you really hurts this much, I would encourage you to try and find purpose in your life (be it through work or something else) to give your life deep meaning. For most men in this situation, this still is work, but many try to attach meaning to their work besides money. Lastly, you might not be able to handle this type of situation, and that's OK too. I know that may be tough to read, but you shouldn't find yourself in love with someone you can't feel secure with. 

4mo 
Miracle1111, what's your opinion? Comment below:

marketMergerMaddieWomen don't want to be in relationships where their husband is constantly jealous of them or feels belittled by their successes, so women often feel they have no choice but to leave. 

Accusing a man of being jealous and insecure is an easy and convenient out for women. Men aren't walking around as insecure and jealous as women think. We really really don't care how much a woman makes in 2022. Most men were raised by working mothers or even single mothers. Independent women have been normalized, it isn't 1990 anymore where the thought of a woman making more money is embarrassing.

Honest, most high-earning men do not care about a woman's career at all. What a woman makes does nothing to us or for us in a good or bad way. It's not attractive to us, and it doesn't scare us away in the way that you think. More women can't handle making more than their men than the other way around. The issue is income is often tied to masculine and feminine roles in a relationship. A woman that earns more than her partner starts to compete with her partner. She starts to become more dominant, bossy, combative, and masculine. It's hard enough for a woman to go to work and deal with the competition of male dominant corporate America and turn it off at home to become a feminine wife, never mind when she's the breadwinner.

Many women find it difficult to respect a man that she supports. Women want to look up to their men unless they're extremely masculine and have found a feminine submissive husband. Most women don't want a man that's shorter than her, poorer than her, or weaker than her. That's why ambition and income are on the top of most women's lists of qualifications for a partner after height. I've said it before, your biology and genetics have not caught up with feminism. Women are wired to look for a man that can protect and provide for them and their children. If a man can't do that then she doesn't feel safe, feels like she's settling, and thinks that she can do better. Men date down, women date up. That's why ambition is such a turn-on for women.

You will never hear a man say, "Damn her degrees turn me on so much, and she's about to get another one." "I need a woman to make at least six figures." "I can't find a woman on my level." "I love it when my girlfriend picks me up." "I feel so safe around my wife." "She's not ambitious enough for me." "I hear someone downstairs Karen go grab the bat, I'll stay here with the kids." "The ship is on fire men and children first."

More women have this power couple fantasy than men. Most men just want a peaceful beautiful woman that supports and loves them, and is a good mother.

Women are rarely ever honest with themselves. If a woman gets caught cheating she starts wildin' out and blaming her man. "I cheated 'cause you did this and that." No, you cheated cause you're a cheater. "I didn't cheat it was an entanglement, and it's your fault I had to get entangled!" If a woman divorces a man she'll say, "He was just so insecure and couldn't handle a strong woman like me." no you left because you weren't attracted to him anymore, and you thought you could do better.

Women always find a way to make it a man's fault no matter what they do. 70% of those divorces that women are filing are not because a man is insecure and a man did this and that. Some sure, but not as many as you think.

4mo 
Dr. Rahma Dikhinmahas, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I agree with Maddie in the conclusion that this is likely to be a bad situation.

I feel a little differently about the reason why.  She says the man will get insecure and jealous, forcing the woman to leave. 

I think that's roughly what happens.  But I think it happens because he gets a good reason to be jealous.  At some point, her higher social status puts her in contact with higher-status men.  And I'm not saying she cheats or does anything that's her fault, but there could be a friendship or close business relationship that makes it clear to the guy that he's of lower status than the people she interacts with regularly.

To be clear, I'm not talking about small differences like dude makes $300k and wife makes $400k.  I'm talking like $100k vs $400k which OP alludes to.

I wonder if OP is underestimating his earning potential a bit. 

4mo 
IncomingIBDreject, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Most men just want a peaceful beautiful woman that supports and loves them, and is a good mother.

in the same way that women say things they look for that they actually don't, this holds true with men as well and is exemplified in your quote.

Most men say what you say but then define a "good mother" to be:

educated

good family background (no single mothers/daddy problems)

no piercings/tattoos

classy

motviated/driven (defined as having a job one if passionate and works hard toward not just a "job")

etc.

When you start applying all these filters, you can see that men are actually looking for the perfect woman that represents maybe 1-2% of the population, in the same way that girls just say they want a nice guy, when in reality they want a guys who makes a lot of money, tall, interesting personality, Chad hotness, and treats them to fun experiences (again maybe 1-2% if the population)

I honestly struggle to understand why Gen Z has such absurd standards. Perhaps it is social media that distorts how hard each attribute is to find in reality, or the fact there is so much available that having to compromise is unnecessary in other areas these days.

Back to your example, if you really want a pretty, kind girl statistically that girl would not be educated, most likely have piercings/tattoos and work as a waiter, treating it like a job and coming home. She may also come from a messed up family background. 
 

The reality in life is that you can only control for a few characteristics that your partner will have. Choose the ones that matter most to you, and be flexible with the rest even if the result isn't normal or what you are used to.

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4mo 
thehalifaxgroup, what's your opinion? Comment below:

If you desire a marriage where you bring very little of what you're supposed to on the table & want to see the respect from your wife's eyes gradually dim until she treats you like a dog then sure, go ahead and marry a girl making multiples of what you do

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4mo 
cryptocapital, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Biggest lie in the world is that the same traits men value in women are the ones women value in men. OP, lot of clowns posting here but let me ask you -- do you want your wife to be buff, funnier than you, and have a bigger penis than you? No? I didn't think so. So why in the world would you willingly jump into a marriage where she makes multiples more than you? Pretty easy path to failure, in that relationship you are neglecting one of your fundamental duties as a man relative to her 

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4mo 
Dr. Rahma Dikhinmahas, what's your opinion? Comment below:

So bizarre to see MS being thrown at posts like this one.  This is straight common sense.  

4mo 
therealgekko, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Depends, how much respect do you want from your wife and broader society? Beyond the external score card, how much of a deadbeat do you want to feel like knowing your wife is the provider? There's where you'll find your answer 

Dude, if you're making similar amounts doesn't matter too much but when you know she'll make 3x what you do, you will automatically lose every argument 

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4mo 
hedgehog9, what's your opinion? Comment below:

OP do you want kids? If she's such a high-powered woman, chances are she doesn't want kids. If she does indeed want kids, then if you make multiples less your career will always be the one that's de-prioritized. Whether that's when choosing where to live or who stays home with the kids for a while or whatever else. Be ready to toss all of that out the window 

Even what level vacations you take, your say is just not going to matter vs. hers. What vanity purchases you want (which every guy has) are not truly up to you. These are all considerations I'd urge you to think about because whatever some other brainwashed idiot on this thread says, these WILL matter & come into play

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4mo 
theATL, what's your opinion? Comment below:
hedgehog9

OP do you want kids? If she's such a high-powered woman, chances are she doesn't want kids. If she does indeed want kids, then if you make multiples less your career will always be the one that's de-prioritized. Whether that's when choosing where to live or who stays home with the kids for a while or whatever else. Be ready to toss all of that out the window 

Even what level vacations you take, your say is just not going to matter vs. hers. What vanity purchases you want (which every guy has) are not truly up to you. These are all considerations I'd urge you to think about because whatever some other brainwashed idiot on this thread says, these WILL matter & come into play

Where do people get this? Are any of you actually married or in serious relationships? I realize my time on wso is probably way past it's prime (as I'm probably 10-20 years older than most people on here), but these are some truly crazy takes. 

Just like men can be successful and have kids, surprise surprise, so can women. If you want your significant other to stay home and watch your child, then that won't happen if your SO wants a career. But that isn't the question, the question is around income (your SO may want a career regardless of income). I also think people on here are stuck on extremes (saying the other person is adding no income, vs a discussion around a person who still earns a totally fine living). 

We have kids, my wife is extremely successful (we both have jobs), and she earns mid 7 figures. She doesn't boss me around and I don't boss her around. I don't have a hit to my ego, while I'm extremely competitive, I know there are people out there who are smarter and more capable than me, she is one of them - whether you decide to marry a person like that or not, it doesn't change the fact that there are many people out there who are going to make more money, be better at sports, better looking, etc, why pretend like that's not the case in your relationship? 

All the points you make are true regardless of income level. You somehow believe that if you make the money then any vanity purchase you make is justified. But these can be an issue even if your SO makes nothing. It is about being on the same page on finances, decisions, etc. that is much broader than who earns what. If you enter a relationship thinking whoever makes the money has the decision rights you might be in for a rude awakening. 

As I said previously it's about how you both approach this. How you communicate, whether you share similar values, how you treat each other, etc. And I'll reiterate, averages are mostly meaningless here. 

I realize me just giving my situation isn't the rule, as it is just one scenario, but I do strongly believe (and have seen it play out) that the other things (communication) are much more important for a healthy marriage. 

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4mo 
Smoke Frog, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Get the f*ck out of there with real world and mature advice like this. With all your experience you can't read a room? Either join in the misogynistic and incel vibes or leave. We are looking to confirm our jaded views on love and marriage, not be taught the world is nuanced and women can make more than a man.

Got it buddy?

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4mo 
Dr. Rahma Dikhinmahas, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Lot of good insights in your post.  But to me anyway, it feels a lot different when the wife levels up at the mid stage of her career.  Compared to OP's situation of making 1/3 of what she does right out of the gate.  In the former case, the couple spent a lot of time together in the same "rung" if you will.  Then one day she gets the big promotion, that's not going to re-define a marriage that was already set.

That said, 100% co-sign your statement that averages mean shit.  It's all about the individual couple.  But I think men need to be honest about how little ego they actually have.  I know one "Mr. Mom" couple and have heard about others through friends.  Man's psyche taking a real beating in every case.

4mo 
Username_TBU, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Are you suggesting that in a reverse situation, the opposite is true? If you make multiples, then you choose where to live, who stays home with the kids, what vanity purchases she can make, the fact her say is just not going to matter?

Do you actually think that's a healthy relationship?

4mo 
IncomingIBDreject, what's your opinion? Comment below:

That's how it ends up. The one with the money has the final say in house purchase, vacations , vanity purchases, time split on kids, etc.

"Healthy" depends on how much input the high earning man takes from his wife. If he ignores her 100%, it's going to be a poor relationship. If he gives her some of the things she wants it will be healthier.

I think the main thing is that the previous commenter (and I have a similar perspective) want the ball in our court and the ability to have the final say. That doesn't automatically mean we would be abusive husbands, far from it, but it provides a sense of stability and control that wouldn't be achieved if we were dependent on the women's income.

You could counter-argue that women could feel the same way and hence want to be the higher earner, and while this may be true in some cases (and these cases will probably grow over time) women still for the most part consider finances as one of the major components while looking for a man, while men tend to not value finances as much (although with rising costs + depressed wages this may shift in the future for practical purposes).

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4mo 
luketr, what's your opinion? Comment below:

dick her down properly and you won't have an issue

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4mo 
MonkeyNoise, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Love the wisdom from never married 23 year olds here

don't get married to a woman who makes more than you, and the cry about risk of divorce for men who financially support their wife lmao can't have it both ways 

you think having a wife who makes more is controlling? Every single marriage I know where the husband works and the wife is stay at home it's the wife who calls the shots and the husband slaving away. Lol at the dream scenarios here where you have the better job and wear the pants. Supporting a wife puts you in just as much of a cucked situation 

4mo 
Dr. Rahma Dikhinmahas, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Good summary of why people aren't getting married anymore.

4mo 
wardbrink, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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4mo 
SansSerifSam, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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Error aut at cum vel eius fugit. Cum occaecati ex quo autem quidem. Vero nesciunt minima et eligendi ullam tempora. Corrupti illo quaerat sed blanditiis pariatur.

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4mo 
Anonymous Monkey, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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4mo 
WolfofWSO, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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4mo 
Leeeeemmmmm, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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