Life Advice: Torn between dating and work
Hey guys - Looking for advice on a weird situation I found myself in. I am single working as a senior associate at an UMM PE shop in NYC and I recently went on a couple of dates with a girl who is a lawyer. We really get along well and there is nothing serious yet but I just don’t know if I would like to have a serious relationship with her or not yet. The natural thing to do is to take it further and then see where it goes but the problem is that I just found out on our last date that her older sister is married to an MD at a MF and he is in the exact same sector as me. Very real chance that our paths could cross with his deal teams. I feel like she is more attracted to me than I am and if I don’t pursue this further then we could end on bad terms. Now on one hand, it could potentially help my career to be rubbing shoulders with the guy, even in terms of relationship management or other stuff. Given he is much more senior, I could gain from that relationship but on the other hand, I don’t want to marry someone purely for the sake of their relationship with a big wig in PE. However, she herself is super interesting and we get along really well and I would love to get to know her better but I risk the fact that if I go further and I disappoint her later then that could leave things on a bad note. However, I really do want to explore things with her. Any thoughts on what could be repercussions on my career?
Her older sister being married to an LP doesn't mean anything. Would continue dating if you like her. You are a sr associate not on IC
Bro just break up with her this is nuts
Why?
I hope for your sake this is a troll post
I’m sorry but this is beyond immature. None of what you mentioned, both positive or negative implications, are remotely relevant. Date her if you like her and see a future together, and don’t date her if not. This MD is 0% relevant.
To maintain anonymity, I have omitted some details. This is not a troll post. This is 100% serious. I just think that if I date her and then end up breaking up, it would ruin my relationship with that MD. I obviously don’t want that, I just feel this would be a relationship with a golden handcuff
If this isn’t a troll, I don’t really know what to say. You should get therapy or something. Some potential relationship with some random MD is 0% relevant to your personal life.
Must be a troll post…
US birth rate is cooked
Performance issue?
I'm surprised some folks are suggesting this is a troll post. I'm not OP, but in general I understand where he comes from. The finance world itself is relatively small, but here this is explicitly a strange situation. The key thing is understanding how well your date and her sister get along, but if they are close, I'd avoid that. Women are more emotional than men in general, so I can well imagine a situation after the potential breakup that OP's date talks to her sister, then sister shits on OP to her husband. I assume that MD wouldn't care much anyway but you never know. I don't like such situations personally, call me risk-averse, but I'd suggest to stop dating her unless OP is totally enamoured. I still suggest going on a few more dates but playing this very safe and if you still don't have any big feelings towards her, then cut it. In terms of psychology, men usually know if they really want the girl very quickly, even for a long-term, so if you OP don't feel that way, I don't think this will be a successful pursuit.
OP here. Thanks for providing constructive advice. How do you see the alternative? I could be with this girl long term but just isn’t my dream girl and she’s definitely more compatible than any of my previous dates. I am very cautious of the family dynamic post marriage given how senior that guy already is to me. I fear I would suffer from low self esteem even if the guy is nice and tries helping me with my career.
Poor girl. You just said that she's not your dream girl and you're thinking about her brother-in-law before you even have decided whether you want to pursue a serious relationship with her or not. If you're this uncertain and stressed about dating her then maybe you should rethink it for her sake.
OP, you really don't sound like someone realling falling for her, man. This is absolutely fine, but just cut it. Give it 1-2 nice dates at most if you need some additional time, but I can already tell you this isn't going in the right direction. As I understand, she's just better than your previous dates, but not an ideal match. That's normal and just keep searching. I personally tried to force myself a few times just to see is we hopefully click at some point, but the more experienced I became, I really believe in 'if you know, you know'. Not literally, but if you keep constantly thinking if she's enough, then she's clearly not. Ironically, it's easier to find someone not fully compatible than compatible, so you just need to keep looking for the right one.
Typical PE brain, this industry is unreal
Get over yourself. A girl you just met older sister is married to a senior guy in another firm that you’ve never met will not give a crap about some associate who dumps his younger sister in law. Unless you’re planning to behave like an incel with her, he probably will never care about you.
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I'm losing faith in humanity when I read these posts. This isn't an either or question; life is rarely either or. Did your parents decide their careers weren't "worth it" anymore when they had you? Were they concerned about the "optics" of not being available for work because they could be weighed down by having children?
You need to decide if you want to keep seeing her full stop. The fact you're thinking about this from the perspective of advancing your career makes me feel bad for this girl. It's like when men complain about women who admit they consider a man's financial viability a factor in attractiveness. When I started dating my gf, what her parents did was never a major consideration to me.
Do not overestimate how much other people care about what you do.
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