Lousy IB intern story? I'll start.

Back during my days as an associate in banking, there was a summer analyst who joined our team whom we can call "Jeff" for the purpose of this exercise. Jeff was a rustic fellow. Grew up close to the equator and could put down shrimp and grits like there was no tomorrow. Type of guy that had a crawfish as a pet. Definitely inbred. Would describe him as "Forrest-Gump-ish". When Jeff pulled up to the office, everyone in our group knew he was fucked from the beginning. Came into work on the first day with overalls and an axe and said "fuck investing and banking, let's get our hands dirty". The rest of the summer wasn't any different. Jeff was somewhat of a drug addict and I once caught him smoking crack on the subway with the homeless. Hotboxed that subway car like there was no tomorrow and showed up to work a few minutes later like there was nothing wrong with completing a Class B Felony on his way to the desk. Jeff was an absolute legend in the bullpen, however, and everyone in his summer analyst class fucked with him heavily. He would secure at least 10+ dap-ups from the boys in the pen every morning on the way to work. Given his early perception from senior bankers, he never actually touched a lick of work but could always find a way to boost morale in the office. He once showed up to work with a live pig and when questioned where he got it (we were in the middle of Manhattan), he said "I'm a farm boy bitch, I have my sources". Unfortunately, Jeff didn't get a return offer but is a legend in the office to this day (think Miller Buckfire/Leerink/Canaccord Genuity).