Narcissism - Definition

In the dictionary, narcissism is defined as: inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self love and vanity. Which of course describes many things these days. I continue to be fascinated with the brilliance of specific narcissistic product. It is ubiquitous today. It has improved lives and made many immensely wealthy. Yes, I am talking about the great creative accomplishment of the late Steve Jobs: Apple.

It occurred to me one day that the man was a genius for more than just the company and it’s products, but by the sheer audacity of incorporating narcissism in the name of nearly everything they make, and do it in a benign fashion.

You have the iPhone, aka: your wife’s other lover, a product that makes paying attention to something other than what I am doing boring and pointless.

You have the iPad, which frankly sounds like a great name for something to save your ass on the rowing ergometer, but instead makes the consumption of everything, that will make my friends green with envy, possible.

There is the ubiquitous iPod, one of the greatest music consuming devices ever. Or rather, the greatest threat to the karaoke industry ever conceived except when you sing to us on the subway.

You have programs like iPhoto that provide you with endless opportunities to take pictures of you know who, the infinite I, and post them anywhere and everywhere…..

I have noticed the other by-product of this remarkable transformation to a more narcissistic me elsewhere in society. Here are some examples:

You are out for a drive and nobody seems to be paying attention to anything around them: iCan do whatever I want.

You just posted an update about your recent bathroom break: iLove myself.

Someone just called you out on your shitty update: iUnfriend you

Your friend has a nicer purse, car, house, girlfriend than you: iFucking hate you.

You notice a gorgeous woman and she’s out of your league: iWanna tap that.

You look at your phone so often that your eyesight is blurred and you are disoriented when you look up: iDolatry

You insist on standing in line next to a department store, all fucking night just to say you were first to get a fucking phone: iDiot.
….but I digress.

Let’s take a moment to thank Mr. Jobs, the man who created the infinite expression of me; the ultimate manifestation of pure unadulterated narcissism, the ultimate I: Apple.