SA in desperate need of a girlfriend. Need some advice. Zero game and shit myself every time I cold approach - might be hopeless. I don’t see the answer in Mergers & Inquisitions. Slightly joking, but also kinda serious and worried
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Why you worried man. What city are you in
Just download grindr, you'll find the intimacy you need.
sid, get back to your desk. I need my cap tables done by 1am
There are things that are universally considered attractive. A nice physique, confidence, etc. Go to the gym and 99% of the problems will be solved for you. However, I have some unique advice that I wish someone told me when I was a youngin in high school- Find your charm. Everyone has their own, find yours and use it.
I'm someone who talks a lot. Not just normal yap, but really out of pocket shit that other people wouldn't really say to someone they're meeting for the first time. I don't know why this works so well, but I think it's because by saying some really stupid shit to people you've just met, it lets them take their guard down and become comfortable with you instantly. I think that's my charm. On the other hand, one of my buddies is as quiet as they come- only speaks when spoken to basically, and girls find him attractive because they see him as the "innocent quiet guy who listens well." That's his charm. Two different styles, both work.
Point is, be yourself. Don't try to be someone you're not, those are usually the guys that get none.
To your point, even the (nearly) universally attractive trait of confidence can have its opposition, and I’ve know quite a few girls who were really into the whole awkward and unsure-of-himself type. speaking from personal experience, I used to lean pretty heavily in the self-deprecation kind of thing (because I was genuinely struggling at the time and still do sometimes) and really - there’s someone out there for everyone lol
Go to the gym, get confident. Hit dating apps and try to target 2-3 dates a week. Dress well, get your clothes tailored.
Don't stress about finding a partner - you're still very young and these things come with time
Focus on yourself, king - go to the gym, take care of your diet, and work hard
You'll come out a more fully formed gentleman, and there will be opportunities to find the right person for you
There's also no point in "forcing" matters - you're better off finding the right person eventually than just "someone" for now
.
1.) If using data apps, scrutinize your pictures ruthlessly and have a friend take some better pictures of you. Ask female friends to review your pictures and profile. I’m convinced that pictures are the number one way guys are leaving easy alpha on the table on apps, I’ve seen a massive upswing in my results since changing mine.
2.) Yes, the gym matters, but there’s more to looks than muscles (and I have muscles). If your teeth are wrecked, look into veneers. If you suspect your hair might start thinning, start researching the ways to halt and/or reverse that (they do exist and work). Also, having muscles and being chubby is better than weak and chubby, but keep an eye on your BF%. Use a fitness watch to track your calories and compare what you’re eating to what you’re burning, and use a scale to weigh yourself at the same time each morning so you can catch a bad trend early.
3.) Recognize that NYC is a tough dating market at any age. And also, the first few years out of college are a tough time for guys in general. You’re no longer tuned into your college social events but then also the women your age can choose to date men much older than you so they have a higher number of potential mates, whereas 24 year old guys dating 30 year old women is less common. (Please note that this not a “red pill” argument for refusing to settle down until you’re older. If you meet the right girl at any age, don’t let anyone tell you you’re “too young.” That’s nonsense. The right time is when you meet the right person. It is true that so-called “high value men” who are bachelors in their 30’s can consistently pull younger chicks, but I’m one of them and I do, and it has its own tradeoffs. I’d much rather be a mid-30’s single guy than a mid-30’s single woman, but there are occasionally some weird situations that come up when dating a woman who’s ten years your junior.)
4.) Don’t be too hard on yourself as long as you’re doing good at what you can control. All you can do is what you can do—self improve, put yourself out there consistently, and don’t get discouraged. With the exceptions of the tiny percentage of men who are Giga Chads, there’s a certain amount of luck and trial and error in this for the rest of us.
what are the weird situations that come up when you date someone 10yrs younger than you?
I could probably start a whole thread on this topic. Maybe I will. For context, I am now 36, and up until ≈24 months ago the phrase “age gap” was never spoken in my romantic life because I’d only dated women my own age or 1-2 years younger. But when I was 32 I had a nightmare experience (my only “crazy ex”) with a woman my own age. We dated six months. She’s been blocked on everything for over three years but still calls from unrestricted numbers. She was pushing for marriage and kids after three months and went berserk when we broke up. Also, she’s an alcoholic but I didn’t know that at first. Covid lockdown relationship. I was lonely. Bad judgment. So that kind of made me cautious about women my age, not saying that’s right but it’s how I feel right now.
So the women I’ve been involved with since are as young as 21 but the typical is more like 24-27.
1.) Women drink more than they used to. Younger women always drank more, granted. But I’ve read data showing female drinking has increased in general, so that compounds the issue. I like to have a few beers maybe twice a month and I’d say four days a month is my max, but a lot of young women drink during the week now so that can be awkward when you’re sober and she’s drinking.
2.) Communication preferences. Most cultural gaps in values between Millennials and Gen-Z aren’t really an issue IMO. I like Gen-Z chicks. But many of them are big-time texters but get nervous on the phone. I remedy this by just hanging out IRL as soon as possible and minimizing excess phone contact. Texting is a minefield for men in general, I think it makes us seem boring. And for a long-texting Millennial like me with a great phone voice, it’s a peanut brain move to text them all day.
3.) Neuroticism in general. I totally get why Gen-Z is this way given their digital upbringing and how they got shafted by Covid lockdowns during college (total bullshit) and the pressure of growing up on social media, etc. But one difference with this generation of women is they take a while to trust and relax. They are inundated with insane “pop psychology” social media content wherein everything anyone does is potential gaslighting, bread-crumbing, love bombing, etc. etc. etc. So I make it a point to communicate my lifestyle to them and reassure them that “Hey, I don’t like texting but I do like you. I don’t check texts much during the work day. I am not trying to manipulate you or be hot and cold.” Over time this tends to work out, but they’re really paranoid. Again, I empathize with them and feel bad for what this generation has been out through.
4.) Ironically, most of them are the antithesis of gold diggers. They want to be independent girl bosses. They don’t like me buying things or taking them out much, although they do love flowers cause they’re women. But despite the narrative about how women are out for money or whatever, I’ve seen way more of that with women my own age than with younger women, and that was also true when women my age were younger. Most Zoomer chicks I’ve met are bashful about receiving gifts. This might be a good thing. It makes me feel reassured that they actually like me. But it’s a surprising thing I wasn’t ready for relative to dating Millennial women in my 20’s; none of them were very bashful about accepting a fancy dinner or a nice gift.
5.) It still blow my mind when women I date either weren’t alive when 9/11 happened or are not old enough to remember it. I was in 8th Grade. And it was the single most consequential day in the world during my lifetime. But they’re always respectful in hearing about it and seem genuinely interested in what it was like to live through it.
On a totally positive note, maturity gap issues seem overblown, surprisingly. My personal theory is women tend to mature faster than men do, and once they’re out of college they’re either basically grown or they’re not. Some of them never grow up and others are really ready to be married at 22. I don’t either sex has it easier than the other, but learning how to be a “grown man” and becoming one seems like a longer process with more steps along the way. Whereas a 22 year old woman who’s attractive and a decent person is the center of the world in society’s eyes.
Overall, I am not complaining. I never thought I would be single this late in life. It mostly came down to having to relocate and travel constantly to climb the ladder professionally. And I’m fortunate to have a full head or hair and a close friend who’s 25 and keeps me up to date on Zoomer slang. I’m hoping that in the next year or two I’ll meet a girl that I hopefully marry and have kids with. It may be one I’ve already met if we reconnect down the line, who knows.
I definitely want to get married, but I also know how high-stakes it is. For my friends who got it right it looks like a huge value-add, and for my friends who got it wrong it looks like a prison without walls.
you have to be FUN. girls really do just want to have fun man. they don't want to hear about your job. go out with your boys and make some memories and stories. maybe start smoking cigs while you're out too (it's cool - idc what anyone says). don't be the starterpack meme with lululemon ABC pants and white sneakers. read the G Manifesto for some inspiration. i'm serious
it also gets way easier as you get older since you'll have a lot more options. IE most girls 23 - 25 are more interested in guys 28 - 30. get some life experiences, have fun, save some cash, crush your job, and it'll all fall into place.
Best advice here… bottom line is you have to be interesting or else you will bore women to death.
I know a guy who is maybe 6/10 looks wise, hardly works out, earns less than most finance guys, but has a ton of life experience, amazing stories to tell and is always open to try new things/meet new people. On the dating scene he demolishes most cookie cutter finance guys who spend all their time at work and the gym.
Everyone that thinks 'women want guys with $$$' and believes being a banker or getting into STEM will take them from chump to getting laid regularly is always sorely disappointed to find out that isn't the case, and surprise surprise the seasonal ski instructor with $1,200 in the bank account is getting more ass in a week than the average analyst dork will in a year
Money for sure helps, but it's a force multiplier. It should amplify your main traits, not serve as your main trait
G Manifesto is legit. I’ll never be the cigar smoking don but i have my own unique style and have learned how to carry myself. You can’t just be another copy paste finance or tech douche bag. Be someone special. Dress, talk, confidence, fitness, life experience, all of it.
Don’t act desperate around girls - that’s a turnoff for them. You do you and the right girls will come around eventually. And never discount the value of gay guy friends. If you get the approval of a gay guy and he says to his girl friends that ‘you’re hot’ - you’re in like flint.
Gay Guy friends ? Bro what
He knows what he's talking about
Just opt for the overweight ones buddy, not everyone can land a 9/10 Asian baddie
A cliche I've found to be very true is that you'll finally find the gf you're looking for once you stop looking for it. Something about finding happiness in yourself and not worrying about finding a gf for some reason usually leads to you finding one. On the flip side, when you're desperate to find one there's a very high chance that you end up in a bad relationship. I think there are a few reasons for this. For one girls find it unattractive when you're desperate and find it attractive when you love yourself and your own company (they have internal instincts for this stuff). Also, when you're desperate to find one, you're usually able to do mental gymnastics to overlook things in the girl you're talking to or relationship you're in to convince yourself it's a good idea only to end up in a bad relationship after years go by and being too scared to end it because you are scared to be alone (you never found happiness in yourself before getting into a relationship).
If you cold approach, especially at a bar or other social setting, all you gotta do is this: “Excuse me, I just had to tell you you’re beautiful/pretty/whatever other adjective”. Then just walk away, she’s gonna love that and be thinking about it for a while. More likely than not she’ll try and get your attention. Then when you get a chance to talk with her again, just shoot the shit with her and let it flow. If it goes well and things are flowing, ask for her number (not her snapchat).
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