Realized today I have no friends and no life
I'm in that weird period of time when I'm home from my 4th year, and a few weeks before I start work full time, living at home (same city as job, highschool, and where almost all my college friends live)
I invited all of my friends to hangout for my birthday, no one showed up. 10 people I considered to be my closest friends over the past 8 years, all no shows or cancelled within the last couple hours. The only other 2 people I consider close friends are travelling rn, so I guess jury's still out on them.
Last summer I didn't have any kind of birthday celebration at 21, because my team worked me too much as an intern, and now this year, I was left alone at a table set for 10. Worst part is, since I live at home, I had to come up with an excuse on why no one showed up to my parents, I'm sure they saw past it anyway tho - being a friendless loser in the eyes of your parents is always great.
It's hitting me that the past 4 years at school, I didn't have a solid friend group. I was floating between friends, initiating convos, and seemingly everyone's afterthought. Makes sense now why I felt relief and excitement to move back home.
Cant imagine this gets any better, or I'll be making new friends over my next couple years as an analyst/associate. Guess I'll just become that guy who has no life outside of work and a misery to work with by the time they get promoted.
Sorry for the vent, barely work related but needed to tell someone who might get it.
It's hard to create or keep adult relationships and you are right; it gets worse as you age.
Especially men don't invest enough time or effort in keeping relationships.
This all changes when you get married and have kids as you will meet other parents through your children. But that is not the same situation.
It’s tough to feel like you’re on an island, especially during a transitional period like this. Based on the most helpful WSO content, here’s what you need to know:
You’re Not Alone in This Feeling
Many people in high-pressure careers like finance or consulting go through phases of loneliness, especially during transitions. It’s not a reflection of your worth but rather a common challenge when life shifts gears.
Take Action to Build a New Social Circle
One WSO user shared how they moved to NYC knowing no one and built a thriving social life by being spontaneous and putting themselves out there. Consider joining social clubs, fitness classes (Equinox or SoulCycle are popular), or even networking events in your city. These are great ways to meet people with similar interests.
Work Friendships Can Be a Lifeline
Your analyst class or colleagues can become a solid support system. Many WSO users have found lifelong friends in their analyst programs. Be open to grabbing coffee, joining happy hours, or even just chatting during downtime at work.
Reframe the Situation
It’s easy to spiral into negative thoughts, but this is also an opportunity to redefine your social life. Instead of focusing on the friends who didn’t show up, focus on building new, meaningful connections. It’s not about quantity but quality.
Be Kind to Yourself
This is a tough moment, but it doesn’t define you. Use this time to focus on personal growth, hobbies, or even fitness. When you’re confident and happy with yourself, it naturally attracts others.
Remember, this phase won’t last forever. You’re stepping into a new chapter, and with a little effort, you’ll find your people. Keep your head up, and don’t hesitate to reach out to others—sometimes, they’re just waiting for someone to make the first move.
Put yourself out there and join organizations / groups for activities you enjoy.
Unfortunately today's society is an endless loop of work / school > bedroom to watch Netflix or play video games. We need to end this social isolation by going out and meeting people.
What do you do for fun or enjoy in your spare time? I imagine from this post that the answer is “not much.”
Friendships are formed from shared interests, especially as an adult when you can’t substitute “hatred of forced proximity” as an interest like you can in school.
If you don’t have any interests or hobbies, you will never meet other people who share them. These can be as generic as rec sports or reading books or playing video games or as hyper-specific as catching a specific type of fish that only exists in one place for two months of the year or cross breeding chili peppers to try and create the hottest of all time.
Work on yourself—chase things you enjoy, learn as much as you can about them, and get legitimately good at whatever it is. You’ll meet some great people along the way. (Including women, for what it’s worth. Shared interests + displayed capability is a winning formula.)
Congrats, you're going to make a fantastic MD
Use this as motivation to work on yourself and plan out what circles you want to be a part of during your early 20s. The next friends you make could set the precedent of how successful and happy you will be for the next 10 years maybe. Don't panic though, it could just be a coincidence that all of your friends are busy, but take this as a wakeup call that you shouldn't be complacent only with the friends you have today.
Keep a positive attitude and keep doing interesting things!
As someone in the same boat, it mostly comes down to either
a) Being unattractive
b) Not wealthy or well-connected
c) Not killing it in life
It's an unfiltered take, but have you ever seen an extremely attractive, or very wealthy and connected, or rising superstar ever be in this situation? Absolutely not
Quite the cope there
del
That’s a logical fallacy. All wealthy/attractive people having friends wouldn’t imply that only wealthy/attractive friends
I don't think his claim is "only wealthy/attractive friends", but rather, "if you are wealthy/attractive, you will have friends", which is
I'm normally not one to rely on an anecdote, but in my shoes man I felt similarly.
11 years out of undergrad and let me tell you that all of the people, except one, I consider to be "close friends" (and while its a slim slim slim amount I still appreciate them) were people I met after college. That first 1-2 years after college was way more fun than college anyway.
This is your chance to be meaningful about the relationships you choose to cultivate going forward.
dang so how'd you meet these ppl
It was a monkey branching social situation that started because of the neighbors I had in that first apartment I lived in post college.
hang in there man it's only up from here. Just out of curisoty how often would you hangout with that group of people. And when you would would it be all together or just one on one. I used to be the same but have a great freind group and support system now and am very grateful. Feel free to pm me, i was in your exact shoes.
Join the Marines.
Sempre Fi
...Semper Fi?
That's how you know this guy was really a Marine.
Semper Fidelis, the Marines motto
You can also join jujitsu, lot's of camaraderie and you'll learn how to defend yourself
I've never heard of Ju Jitsu. Is it similar to Jiu Jitsu?
Lol! You get the point haha
Friendships take effort… building a strong social circle takes effort. You have to keep in touch with your friends and get out more. Get rid of this self pity mentality, I know the scenario outlined hurts but you can’t expect to have a strong group of friends if you don’t do your part. Want to get back into your original friend circle? Find the individual in that circle who you would consider your closest friend and connect with him/her first. There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s your disconnect of what it actually takes to maintain+build friendships as an adult. Don’t take it personally, many people are thinking about themselves and tend to forget about whatever is not in front of them. Sometimes you have to be the one to check in with your friends every so often.
Listen, I hear this all the time from other people I personally know. I’ve felt this before as well but the reality is that to keep friendships and build new ones, it takes effort. Also, I’m speaking of true friendships, not superficial ones. You don’t want to become the 30+ year old banker/lawyer who didn’t socialize for a decade that builds a friend group of superficial people who pop bottles and one-up each other with whatever their next paycheck buys.
I've met most of my quality friends at Dorsia. To be part of a selective group of people who are able to get reservations there makes for good connections.
Don't forget the squash
You're definitely not alone — a lot of people feel the same way but don't talk about it.
Just the fact that you're being this honest says a lot about your self-awareness. Things can get better slowly, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.
Man, that seriously sucks, I’m really sorry that happened. Been in a similar spot myself, where people you thought had your back just kinda… don’t show up. It messes with your head more than you'd think. But honestly, it says more about them than it does about you.
You’re not alone in feeling like you’ve just been floating between groups, that “afterthought” feeling hits hard. But I will say, post-college life can be weirdly refreshing. I made more solid friendships in my first year of work than I did in four years of school. You might end up surprised who you click with once you’re out there with a clean slate.
For now, just be kind to yourself. It doesn’t mean you’re a loser. People suck sometimes. Doesn’t mean you do.
You might disagree with my use of finance terminology, but I think most people are one of two types of people generally:
People who are better at maintaining existing friendships (asset managers)
There are some who are both (mainly friends who are single), but it is rare to have both. And there are teams of friends with strengths in one or the other.
I think I fall in the first category (easy to make friends).
It was awesome in college to make new friends, then introduce them to my other friends (who are more asset managers) and they all hang out and I see them out in big group settings. Really worked out well.
My problem is I end up not following up or hanging out after, that’s why a team is helpful. For me, It’s more of a circumstance of being in a long term relationship (then kids) that consumes much of my free time. This is the same pattern faced with many men. The wives are the more socially close ones, and the men are more work and maybe kids focused (and sports, etc).
I want to focus on the team of friends part, because that’s where you can maximize. OP what you might need is a team. You’ve lost touch with your “asset manager” friends, or you need to be a better asset manager yourself. You need an acquisitions friend. And you need to form a team. For what goal? I think staying healthy (go to the gym, run, cycling), going out to meet girls, and then having cool experiences (travel, talk about life, follow a sports team).
You should have studied even harder in hs and college
You're not a friendless loser. Don't beat yourself up so badly. You've just learned a very tough lesson in life that not everyone is a true friend and you'll wise up as a result. You've effectively learned that what you had in your life weren't friends, but acquaintances. You did nothing wrong based on how I understand it. You set the date, you sent the invitations, you told them a time and a place. Them not showing up is rudeness and disrespect on their part. If I were in your shoes, I would personally cut them out since they've effectively shown their true colors and would keep them at bay at best. Ask yourself, do they deserve your friendship after how they treated you? When I was in my early 20s I also used to make excuses for people for disrespecting me or treating me poorly. Now at 28 going 29? It's much easier to just throw people out of your life, especially once you're fully autonomous an independent. Am I lonely at times? Sure, who isn't. But am I happy and content, knowing that I am my own best friend and can do everything by myself, having total freedom? Yes.
I do have very good friends in my life now though, which I pretty much see 1-3 times a week. So no need to be an extremist and be completely isolated. Isolation is also terrible for your health. But when it comes to disrespectful or rude people, it's better to be alone than in their company. Don't worry, you're just going through life. Happens to both men and women.
Business school
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