Struggling with breakup and life overall. Who else?
I’m still just a college kid, but as sad as it sounds, I’m sure a lot of you professionals or fellow students have dealt with this as well. Seen a few posts about it recently too.
Started dating the most amazing girl in the world right before covid, up until last Summer going into college. She broke up with me, saying it was for school. She was also devastated to say the least, never understood why she didn’t just want to give it a shot because I know it was very hard on her too. Especially considering I was going through hell in my personal life at the time, like I could easily call it my absolute rock bottom, yet she still left.
It’s now just over a year later, and the last few weeks it has really caught up to me again. Like taking my focus off everything.
I have a great internship for next summer in a field with better WLB. My original goal was IBD but the way I’ve been feeling this past year with everything going on in my life, I came to a realization that IBD would crush me. I am perfectly fine with it though and happy with the internship, because I do value having time outside of work and the money isn’t worth it to me as I’ve realized in the past that no amount of money can help me with what’s in my head (well off family, very grateful to live a cushy life, so I know IBD money won’t fix me in any way).
There’s just so much else I’ve had going on in my personal life that i don’t want to get into, health issues included. And the breakup still hurts me all day everyday, after feeling okay for a lot of the early part of this year, and somewhat this past Summer. I’ve got an incredible internship, I was admitted to a target school as a transfer, a few things have gone in my favor. But that joy has worn out very quickly, and now I feel lost and empty.
Just typing this out to get it off my chest, and to see if any of you have any advice from personal experience. Also for those going through something similar, I figure it may help you to open up and share it here.
Man, life is a bitch lol. My counselor once told me “everybody goes through times that you’re going through, it’s called adulting, but you’re just having to do it too young.” She is so right.
Aside from myself, I really everyone is able to fight their demons and overcome whatever they might be dealing with. It’s the worst feeling and i wouldn’t wish it on anybody. And I know people have it much worse than me, so i try to appreciate the positives.
Hoping some of you can help me and provide wisdom in continuing to navigate through this shitstorm called life. :/
Life is hard. No way around it. What I find that is helpful to me when times are tough is to try to simplify my life and be more conscious about my thoughts and just take it day by day. I will think to myself - “today I am going to run 0.2 mph faster on the treadmill, or lift 2 more reps in the squat rack, after which I will take 15-30 minutes to meditate / still my mind, I will call my parents / best friend to check in, etc” these little things can add up over time and help your mind recalibrate in an otherwise challenging storm. Also, I can’t understate how important it is to lean into the village of people who are in your corner, my support system is the only reason I am above water to this day. Finally, I think it’s good to acknowledge the pain and either write it down or talk about it with someone you trust, that helps you heal and move on, there is no shortcut there - you need to fully process and absorb what you feel before you can regenerate. Be patient with yourself on that front.
Thanks for the detailed response, I really appreciate it.
I think part of what’s been driving me down is that I’m virtual this semester. I spent the last year at a non target due to serious health issues, and transfered into an in state target for this Fall. I decided to stay virtual because I’ve been having second thoughts about transferring, even though I hate my current school.
On that note, at the same time, I’ve enjoyed staying here because I’ve had an unbelievable support system through the health issues, breakup, and other circumstances. I’m very lucky to have parents that supported me with zero limits this entire last year. I’ve got friends who check up on me, but recently I’ve just pushed everyone away (ignoring calls, texts, etc). Can’t seem to get out of my own head.
Also, I think my fear to transfer to that target is a driving force. I fear isolation and loneliness more than anything in the world. While I do have many friends there, it’s still something I struggle with mentally.
Sorry kinda started typing away, but there are ways in which I have support around me and am in a good situation. I have a difficult time trying to tuck away the negatives, they seem to overshadow all the good.
Didn't really read the entire post but abundance mindset champ. I know it's tough to lose a relationship, but the fact is the girl is replaceable. Don't get stuck in oneitis and thinking she was perfect in every respect. In all likelihood, you will be able to find someone equal or better. Just gotta get back out there. Good luck boss. Also, if you're not already, go the gym and keep working out. Guarantee your emotions will be better from lifting
Thanks for the response.
Yeah, I definitely know I can find someone better. I try to think hard on the fact if it’s her that I miss, or just being alone, and I’ve realized it’s her. For now, I struggle trying to talk to other girls, I feel guilt and my ex always comes to mind. Once I can overcome it a bit more mentally, I’m sure I can find someone great and be able to move on easily. I just need to get to that point, and I worry when that’ll be.
I go to the gym almost everyday, and it does absolutely help. Lately, I’ve gotten a little lazy with my workouts. Trying to recalibrate and get back on my shit in that aspect instead of letting my thoughts hold me back and make me lazy.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm way older than you, married, with a kid and shit comes up every minute of every day.
You just need to learn how to ride the wave and get comfortable being uncomfortable.
I can load up with more buzzwords but, ultimately, find what makes you happy (both professionally and personally) and figure out "why" you're doing what you're doing, it makes the shit times easier to get through.
One of the hardest things for me to get through my head was that achieving a goal really only sets you on another path where you have shit to overcome.
Also, on the ex front, block her from everything and pretend she died, because she's dead to you. Don't dwell, you're going to miss way better opportunities while you're looking backwards.
/
You're absolutely right on my why now.
Prior to getting married and having a kid, my why was making my parents' sacrifices worth it.
Didn't come from much and my dad was decimated by the crash in 2007, right as I started undergrad, but they figured out how to make it work and give me the opportunities I got.
Appreciate the response and sharing your experience.
I have a solid support system and it helps, but I tend to neglect it when I’m really down and want nothing to do with anybody (typical depressed behavior).
I’m only 19 but I actually cut off all smoking and drinking about a month ago as well. Maybe not forever but at least for now while I figure all this shit out in my head. It wasn’t helping, and it was masking the real problem which was not the way to address it.
Man, girls really hurt huh? Lol. Before being with her, I never imagined myself being a relationship guy or wanting to be in one. (Too much effort, who really likes that? Haha). Since the breakup, I’ve hated being alone. I describe it like the relationship left a void that you need filled. Before her, there was no desire in me for a relationship. But now, she made that spot in me and now it’s left empty. Hoping I find the one in the not so distant future to help fix it.
/
Sorry to hear that man…
One thing I think I can tell you is to figure out career wise what will make you happy.
Money won’t solve everything, and I don’t know your background, but I’m so lucky in the sense that I’ve grown up with money thanks to my hard working immigrant parents (love them to death). While it’s great being in that situation, it’s made me realize that money doesn’t solve everything (hence the way im feeling now).
I assume your internship was something hardcore like IBD sweatshop? Or IBD in general TBH)
Try to find a happy medium with WLB and money. My uncle has done FP&A forever, and now he makes high 6 figures as a director, full WFH, light hours, and a great marriage and he has 2 kids who are the sweetest little cousins I could ever ask for.
Bottom line, find out what makes you happy. In our situation, our career is one thing we can control. So don’t let it be an extra factor that brings us down. Find something that won’t tear you down considering that you and I both realize we aren’t built for it (respectfully, while I know many many others who can handle it without any issue).
I totally get where you are coming from and I have struggled with a break up in the past. It sounds like you are doing a lot of self-reflection, which is great. If your GF broke up with you, recognize that it just wasn’t a good match. That’s it. You don’t have to know why. It literally doesn’t matter. It just wasn’t a good match. What matters now is moving forward. You have made a major choice not to pursue IB. That’s a big step. It actually sounds like you have a lot of positive things in your life. Try to focus on the positive things and what you have to be grateful for. For me, keeping busy was important. It’s also called behavioral activation, you basically just fake it til you make it. Cut off all forms of communication. Don’t check her social media and unfollow/block her. This isn’t being petty, it’s about self-care and doing what’s best for you. Surround yourself with people who matter to you. Make sure you keep those connections strong. Take care of yourself by exercising regularly, eating well, and sleeping enough. Keep on talking to a counsellor or a therapist. If you are really struggling, talk to your doctor about medication options. It will get better over time. Hang in there.
Thanks for your words, I appreciate the encouragement.
I’ve had a hard time staying busy (outside of doctor’s appointments and shitty ass school). I would say this has contributed to my pain a lot, and hopefully can be addressed soon. I try very hard to keep my other relationships strong, and those have lifted me up in many instances.
It definitely is a time thing, I just wonder how much longer. It’s been over a year of feeling this way, and I know I will come out the other side, but I get anxious wondering about the when part.
Like everybody else, I hate the bad parts and want only good with no lapses in between haha
I went through something similar, ex dumped me, was emotionally on the floor, unrelatedly at the same time was homeless for a bit (ended up sleeping on friends’ sofas for a month before I got into a flat). I had also completely fucked up recruiting and ended up in some no name boutique that paid a substantial discount to market. A bunch of laterals later and I just quit my BB coverage role to start at a well-respected UMM PE shop for more money than I’d ever dreamed of. Lesson here is you can absolutely do it. When you’re going through hell, keep going.
Feeling very similar man. Gf just broke up w me and now I’m doing headhunter calls trying not to cry during on cycle lol. Other issues as well but just feel very lost
Sounds like you’re still reeling from a bad breakup. Listen we all get dumped and it takes time to bounce back.
I’ve seen guys rebound in 6 months and I have seen guys literally never rebound after being dumped.
I got dumped once by a girl I really liked and I went off the deep end for like 6 months and gambled away 500k, until I got ahold of myself. But I never really got over her until I met my wife.
I believe things like working out, calling your parents, focusing on school, getting a hobby and landing a job are all good ideas to get your mind right.
But I personally believe you’re always going to be a little sad until you start sleeping around and meeting new chicks. Once you have that really fun and awesome date, your ex will start to melt away. I do find it a little odd since you must know that young love never ever works out, but I also remember that at your age it’s hard to see the forest through the trees.
I would also suggest volunteering. Once you see how bad it is for most people, you can good perspective on life and you will tend not to whine as much. Seeing someone struggle just to eat really shut down my whining mentality.
I swear bro after you got promoted you became less of an ass. Great advice SBed
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