Suicidal thoughts and trying to figure out why we exist
Had a suicidal thought a couple months ago and was sort of shaken. Not a “I want to kill myself” but more of a “if I jumped off this building, think of how peaceful it would be”.
I’ve tried spending insane amounts of money and blacking out on alcohol to feel alive with no luck (no shit). Drugs helped a bit but it was hanging a painting over the hole in the wall, not actually fixing the problem.
I have trouble reconciling how I feel (or lack thereof) with the facts of my life. I have enough money to not worry about it and have no difficulties in everyday life. On paper, life is great, but I’m just going through the motions.
Debated quitting my job pretty seriously for a couple months but that wouldn’t really change anything. I’m not discontent with my job, or even life for that matter; it’s like I’m watching a movie of my life and I just want to shut it off, but I’m too lazy to get off the couch and go to bed if that makes any sense.
If you go through my comment / post history, you’ll see a few comments where I responded on threads about people feeling down. Looking back on it, everything I typed out was probably advice I was giving myself. I’ve done all the things like go out and make new “friends”, but I don’t view these people as friends. If they need something from me or want to get drunk then sure, we’ll do it, but I don’t see anyone outside a select few family members I can truly say are there no matter what.
The one guy I have actually spoken to about stuff like this talked about how having a child really changed his outlook on life and what it means to exist. A bit older than me but a great dude.
Anyways, wanted to see if anyone here has felt similar and how it ended up playing out. Feel there are a lot of similar personalities on here
Also not sure why the formatting went to shit - I typed on mobile so maybe that’s why
First of all, if you are thinking of ending life, talking to a therapist or counselor can be helpful. They have the proper training and knowledge.
To me, it kinda sounds like a midlife crisis depending on how old you are. But I think many people in different walks of life resonate with the analogy of watching a movie of your life while feeling stuck on the couch. I personally have always contemplated and questioned our existence and our place in the universe ever since I was a kid.
Maybe try exploring what brings you joy and fulfillment, rather than temporary fixes like getting black out drunk or spending all your money. Exercise or explore different hobbies and keep trying until something sticks. If you feel missing out, this might help.
Also, finding authentic friends and connections take time and you have to be deliberate and conscious. And having a kid without wanting it might actually prove to be a burden so decide carefully.
Take care of yourself and know that it is okay to reach out to your trusted people and professionals to help navigate these feelings. You are not alone in this journey.
All great points. Def not having a kid. I’d love to get a dog and move to the wilderness. Only thing holding me back is my grandparents as they wouldn’t understand. If they weren’t still here (not saying I want them to die, just trying to explain the thought process), I don’t think I’d have a second thought of quitting my job and disappearing.
I think a large part of this “dilemma” is I’m finally in a position where my everyday life and actions are my responsibility and mine alone. Knowing this fact and reconciling it with the fact I feel unfulfilled isn’t necessarily a tough pill to swallow, but maybe a sobering fact that I’m why I’m not “happy”.
Using a lot of quotes because it’s hard for me to verbalize what I’m trying to describe
I totally understand your point of view.
If that is something you truly know will bring you peace, try to communicate with them. They will not understand at first, because you currently satisfy their concept of success and prestige - which equates to happy for old and also less educated people.
But it is better to communicate, even fight at first, and get it through than not communicating and building resentment - whether willingly or unwillingly.
I personally grew up in a country with strong cultural values and my parents never had a college education. Me wanting my own path aside from the "traditional" medicine required a lot of back and forth and "fighting". And I truly only got to explore what I like in college and now in my mid-20's, I'm trying to start a career in finance with a masters degree - which also took quite a few back and forth with my parents. From my experience, parents and grandparents just want you to be happy, you just gotta show them what happy is for you. Because they cling to their notion of success and prestige as happy.
Life is too short to not try to do what you want with it. Better to do something year or two later than never do it. They eventually come around.
" I’d love to get a dog and move to the wilderness."
Do that or smth similar then.
Just bcs you worked a lot to get here doesn't mean you should stop finding out what you like and are able to do.
Don't live for your grandparents, live for yourself, find ways to be authentic (but not indulgent).
Not everyone sees finance as the pinnacle of life. My own son reads maths at Cambridge and have all doors open to him yet shudders at the thought of working in the City.
Fall in love and get married and start a family.
Volunteer and try to help those less fortunate than you.
See a therapist and get meds.
Could be as a result of mainly pursuing telic goals vs atelic ones. I learned this from insta (lol) but basically telic goals are concrete with a clear end, in your case it was probably getting a good paying job, surpassing your dad, etc. The problem with telic activities is that they generate a paradox: if you fail, you are unhappy because you failed. But if you succeed, then the pleasure you got from reaching your goal is extinguished right at the moment you do achieve it, or shortly thereafter.
As I have gotten older and achieved similar telic goals as you, I’ve realized that finding purpose beats all, and to a lot of people, religion (atelic since it’s a broad goal) does the trick.
Lastly, social media takes the joy and originality out of everything. It’s hard but I’ve seriously considered removing all social media and just study the heavens out of the bible.
Extremely helpful thanks
Find a hobby. I found one where I could do with friends for hours on the weekend, and I look forward to it every weekend now. Really changed my outlook and happiness. This was after age 25.
Nice! What is your hobby?
What hobby?
It may be a better idea to quit drinking than to black out to try and feel something.
Also it may be a better idea to save money, or spend it on something meaningful that would help someone, or use it to start some kind of business, or spend it to do some kind of hobby (that you are actually super into - not just blowing money on some random hobby that you aren't really into, just to blow money).
I may have more to say in another comment.
Why not give religion a try?
It sounds like you're looking for peace, purpose and meaning in life. You can check out some of the major religions, maybe go down a rabbit hole on one particular religious leader or text. Find something that really resonates with you and you can put your whole effort and identity into.
One thing I like about religion is the never-ending quest for perfection (I think most religions have some form of this). It helps me reframe my life and my priorities in terms of "am I becoming the person I want to become?" This simultaneously helps me make hard life decisions and gives me energy and purpose to execute on those decisions well because I can rely on the support and approval of a higher power. I find it very fulfilling but ymmv
As someone who is not religious, I think you are onto something with this comment, which I just saw as I was typing my own second comment which I am about to post, in terms of saying that he is looking for purpose and meaning. That's literally exactly what I was about to comment, and I was forgetting about religion because I am not religious myself. I was going/am going to say work, relationships, hobbies, are 3 places lots of people are able to 'find meaning' from life, and to look towards those things when trying to improve your ability to find purpose and meaning in life. But yes, another one that is a possibility is religion. And what is the best is that you may even be able to find meaning from multiple of these things.
Religion has done it for me as a practicing Catholic. As you note relationships, work, and hobbies do provide some meaning, but I find the meaning very surface level. Eventually, you get tired of hobbies. As Arroz notes, friends are good but that doesn't necessarily fill the God-shaped hole that a lot of us feel in our lives.
[@Arroz con Pollo] Always enjoy your comments on here - you are a great member of the community. If you have an interest with Christianity and want to find out where to start or come back to it, feel free to send me a PM. Will be praying for you.
Don’t disagree at all. Actually read the texts of the big 3 religions and wasn’t surprised at all to see so many commonalities between the 3.
Can boil it down to living a virtuous and honorable lifestyle, and I think the definitions of virtuous and honorable are extremely similar across the books
Good thought that I've heard is that all religions realize the truth of a higher power and reach for that truth and it's objective morality. Hence, the similarities between religions. While they are all reaching for the same thing, some see a clearer picture of it than others. We are all talking about the same thing but some religions are looking at the truth with blurry glasses.The trick is finding out which one has the best answer and the most clear view of it.
This exactly.
You don't need to actually follow a religion in terms of the legalistic rules like not eating pork or whatever.
There is so much wisdom to be found in any religion, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism, Native American folk religion, etc...
For me, I try not to give much weight to things in religious texts that wouldn't hold up on their own. All religions have been perverted by crazies like Islam and Hamas or Christianity and the Westboro Church or Buddhism / Hinduism and the Burmese / Indian nationalists, etc... but all still have incredible wisdom.
I'll give a specific example, when I was earlier on in my studies of religion, I had an original thought about how crazy it is that so many people argue about meaningless things like if Jesus was white or brown or whatever, and I thought how so many people are focused on what "God" (or the universe or higher self or whatever you choose to believe) looks like instead of what was said. Coincidentally, early Muslims had this same thought and therefore Islam banned depictions of God due to the fear of idolatry. But I don't think a prohibitionary stance on anything of the sort is virtuous or productive, and look what modern Islamic fundamentalists do in cases like Charlie Hebdo.
Eventually I encountered what I interpreted as truths that I couldn't fully accept and have been stuck at that point ever since.
I think you should figure out what you want to do with your life and then just do that (find purpose or meaning in something). Your job is gonna take up most of the time you are awake, you say that you don't mind your job but dude, you said the same thing about your life in that same paragraph (that you don't mind it), and you are still making this post here, so obviously something is up (with your life at least). You might not need to 'find meaning' in your job, cause that's just one way people 'find meaning' and I guess for a lot of the population, they don't have the luxury of 'finding meaning' from their work, but I went through your comments and post history a little bit, partly cause you suggested to do that, and I found one where you bragged about being rich, I'm bringing this up cause this might mean that you might be able to take more chances regarding finding a job that you are able to 'find more meaning' from doing, or maybe you could even start a business (but if you aren't wired like that, then maybe that wouldn't be the best idea). If you don't think changing jobs or something would improve your outlook, some other ideas are to find a girlfriend (some people find purpose or meaning from romantic relationships/starting a family), find a hobby you really like doing (some people 'live' for their hobbies, truly). I think those are 3 good places to start, job/relationship/hobby. On the girlfriend/hobby thing, you might already be doing these things, but maybe you could try and be more purposeful, or devote more time to these things, those are just a few ideas.
This one is a little different - but have you spent time traveling to countries that are way different than the US? It sounds like your feelings are stronger than mine ever were, but I also had years of feeling like I was getting bored in life, couldn't find things that I really found interesting or didn't find any way of life interesting to me. I ended up taking a trip to southeast Asia which was my first outside of the country and it really changed my perspective, realizing how different the world can be in different places. I realized even though I love the US and I'm grateful to have been born here, it is just a generally boring place for my personality. I felt really inspired after and started trying other places (Mexico, S. America, etc.) and it just strengthened it for me. I'm still in the US working and still not that happy here, but at least I know what my goal is now and it keeps me going, knowing something is out there that I really do enjoy.
I'm not saying that other places are objectively better than the US, but for certain personalities I think it can be an eye opener how there are different places in this world with totally different energies, cultures, ways of life, personalities, etc. When I go to these places, I feel more alive and enjoy meeting the people in these places and just find the whole ordeal to scratch the itch for me better than anything in the US. Again, not saying this is going to be a guaranteed cure to your problems, but you seem to have a general discontent and boredom with the routines of life here in the US which I do as well and for me, the answer has been that I just need to eventually get out of here and live abroad. And knowing that something out there does exist for me has made me much happier in my daily life in the US because I now have a "reason" for doing what I'm doing here instead of just feeling like I'm going through the motions. I think a lot of it has to do with "predictability" for me. Life in the US is just way too predictable for me, and my personality gets extremely bored and negative when things become too predictable for me. Maybe some day I'll move abroad and after a few years have the same issues there, but I'll have to find that out and for some reason I doubt it.
Yup - been about 5 years since I went on an extended vacation, and that was also back when I was in college. Didn’t have a care in the world and my parents were funding my adventures. Wild to look back on it and see how little responsibilities I had.
I probably should get out more in terms of travel. Have told myself it would be a waste of money as I’d just be unhappy in a different place, but your argument has legitimate points imo
I would try to avoid a typical "vacation" though if you're trying to achieve what I wrote above. I don't think you accomplish the same by going to a resort or a place like Cancun or Cabo.
To keep it simple, I have bipolar disorder, medication and therapy are utterly integral to my survival. I could not recommend more
Yeah I have bipolar disorder as well. I’m only suicidal in the mornings.
Hey - you sound like you're depressed or heading there. Genuinely. Please seek professional help.
I feel the same way pretty often. I thought it was momentary, but now that I've had a few years- I've realized that I feel this way now at the start of my career, I felt it in college, and even back in highschool at times. Community helps at times- a team, a religious group, a big family- people who 'get' you, and who you build something with or do something with without ulterior motives. I was lucky to make a good group of friends near the end of college with adjacent careers and also checking in with each other and dreaming about where we want to get, and how we will end up there has been helping me too. Our friendship is much deeper than work, though. We've shaped the underlying philosophy on how we approach life; underlying motives for working hard, exercising, reading and learning, etc. It's brings me a type of confidence that I just didn't have before.
My parents did so well and worked so hard, I don't need to do much, but I want to do it to make my place in the world, and I want to look back in 15 years and see all the challenges I overcame and progress I made; I dream about how I can deploy all that I have just been handed in such a way that I can multiply and expand it, and grow as a person in the process. I can't help but fantasize about ending it all at times though, and how that would just bring me peace.
Agree with all you said except the last part. Haven’t really fantasized about suicide. I also don’t believe that would bring peace if you believe in an afterlife.
Yea, maybe not. It's not the thought of suicide that's comforting though, it's more that you could just end all of this and see what's next, which might be nothing.
Honestly the thing I always think of about this is to get a hobby. People tend to spiral downward when they do not have anything productive to do to interrupt the flow. Pickup up an independent hobby that you actually enjoy doing is what I would advise doing. I have never had thoughts like this so I can't say for sure but when I get start to get down a trip to my garage and wrenching on my projects always snaps me out of the funk. I think it is critical to pick up something that you can do independently because there will be points in time that you feel down but can't get together a group to do something.
Once I was out of town working on a deal and was really getting down about how the project was going so I went down to a junk yard and picked up a junker V8 and to a walmart to pick up a mechanics toolset. Just to spend a couple hours stripping the engine apart. I just tossed it in the tarsh after I was done and left the tools for the guys at the company we were looking at acquiring.
5 things I'd advise:
1. Quit alcohol (at least until you feel better)
2. Seek medical attention if you are feeling this way even if it's just therapy with no medications
3. Start working out
4. Have weekly calls with close family or friends (seriously such a game changer, started doing this in my late 20s / early 30s and my mental health has gotten a lot better)
5. Try to have casual conversations with acquaintances to get your mind off negative thoughts even if you're an introvert (I am by nature)
@Arroz con Pollo" as someone who worked with a lot of patients in the past, please seek professional assistance from a medical specialist.
It’s been commonly often to see posts like these on here, and the first advice is to seek help from someone who is trained professionally and licensed to do so. Seeking advice from Internet forum strangers on medical conditions is ill-advised, no one on here specializes in psychiatry or psychology.
Good luck, but please PM if you need someone to talk to.
Hey man - your post history makes me think we live in the same city. PM me and let’s get dinner / coffee one day this week. Been in the same boat as you.
do not have a child until you are in a materially better place. I’m far more worried about your hypothetical child than I am about you.
There is no "meaning" to life and anyone saying otherwise is selling you something. We're not put here for a reason, there is no celestial cosmic dictator judging us or looking out for us - life is random. I think that is a very difficult thing for people to accept, but once you understand that there isn't some purpose or path we're supposed to be heading towards, it becomes a lot easier to find the joy and beauty in the everyday. A good conversation, the endorphin hit from a good workout, a nice night with friends/loved ones... that is all there is, that is all there needs to be. Looking for something more will just make you unhappy, because you'll never achieve it.
Humans are pattern seeking animals, tribal animals, and so we all want there to be something more out there. Frankly, that is where most of the evil and bad feeling in the world stems from
Most of the world believes differently. Also, the meaning to life is simple. Be kind to others. That's it.
I agree wholeheartedly with the "be kind to others," but most of the world doesn't seem to believe that, either.
People can choose to believe what they want to believe, but most people are stupid, or hypocrites, or both. There is no meaning to life except what we make of it; I concur that making the lives of others easier in any way is a great philosophy to live by, but it always seems to be that the people who believe that there is some guiding reason for us to be here, are the people least likely to actually live by the credo of being kind to others. I mean, hell, most of the world belong to a religion that explicitly says that there is a creator god, and that it cares for each of us individually, and that we can have a personal relationship with that deity if we choose. The sheer hubris in that... is it any surprise someone who thinks they talk to God, is liable to think that those who don't think or look like them are damned?
This is provably false. If this was infact true why would anyone do or attempt to achieve anything? People create meaning in their own lives. Without meaning there would be no depression.
I agree that we create our own meaning, but that wasn't how I interpreted the original post. We can create our own meaning, but there is no purpose to our being here.
And by the way, one could argue that it is easier to prove that there is no meaning to life, rather than the reverse. After all, there are a plethora of living creatures, each striving to survive, but I don't think your average salmon is thinking about "meaning". Humans are somewhat exceptional in this, but life itself doesn't require some purpose to go on, was my point. We achieve happiness through finding some kind of reason to get up in the morning, but there is no question that people go on living in depressing, awful circumstances from a biological imperative.
"But whoever turns away from My Reminder will certainly have a miserable life,1 then We will raise them up blind on the Day of Judgment.” - Surah Taha 124
There is no purpose.
If there was a singular purpose, suddenly were no longer free and we would be trapped adhering to that answer.
That’s the beauty of life. You make your own purpose. You can choose what to do and where to focus your energy; it sounds like you have some soul-searching to do, which is entirely natural for people in the finance grind because you haven’t had time in your most crucial years to think “who am I?”
I do believe that humans by design are naturally good, altruistic, and collaborative creatures. We typically are happier when we live for something greater and also than ourselves, which is why religion was and is so powerful and why religious folks seem so happy. We have lost that “higher power” so to speak, which is why people are such activists IMO (devoting their life to a cause bigger than them) but that’s also why becoming a parent is so life changing and makes people happy.
You care for and live for something that you love so much and would do anything to protect.
There is a purpose to life. People misunderstand this, there isn't a defined purpose other than to forge your own.
you're both right and wrong, mainly the latter. i disagree with nihilists like you, but at least you presented most of your ideology's POV correctly. the contradiction with you (which is just a way for you to cope and avoid roping) is the belief that we can create "meaning", but we cant because meaning, when talking about trascendental issues is something that is/exists even without you (by definition), what you're suggesting is coping. you seem to be aware that this coping is behind a lot of the "activism" that we see today.
I mean, maybe it is "coping" but at the end of the day, if the meaning you create for yourself is to help others and create a more just world (which is what most activism is about) then it's hard to criticize that. Doing right by your fellow man is the highest purpose and principal one can aspire to.
Is this the first topic I've encountered on the forum since registering? :( Everything will be okay!
I think life has a purpose, but it's not something set in stone. Instead, I believe we have to create our own meaning and significance in life. This means we have the freedom to decide what makes our lives meaningful, whether it's through our relationships, career goals, creative pursuits, helping others, or following our own interests. Figuring out our purpose is a personal and ongoing journey that we all face.
I keep seeing these posts sadly, but what is even worse is that there is always a WSO Off Topic Laughing emoji icon next to them...
the more comfortable one is, the more he falls into despair, because men's only reason to live is to face adversity and continuously overcome
the joy in life thus, isn't in achieving or finding joy in the externalities, but is in gaining pleasure in how one sees himself when doing something
one doesn't go to war solely to destroy the enemy, one goes to war because the idea of seeing himself as a warrior fuels him
the modern life that we live in nowadays is just pure distraction, senseless existence, and "distraction" (materialistic, women, etc.), those are seen as the peak of what one can achieve, but in truth, there is no limit to what one can achieve, the continuous desire to achieve is what maximizes one to live, so are you as accomplished? why? because you have a good job? Are you really 100% developed in all façets of your life? I doubt it.
if you throw yourself from a building you don't understand life, and exactly for this reason, because you don't understand life, you don't have the privilege to throw yourself from a building. You'll just come up as a wannabe something that you're not.
So, my dear friend, what you need to do is to dig deeper into yourself to understand why you should live because there is always a perspective, not a reason, that not only pushes one to live but also even refuses any thought of death, the peak of such thought being a desire to become immortal (and men that left their mark in on communities and civilization discovered this hidden truth); because death, in history, was always for those weak who couldn't bear the burdens of existence or those who were too weak to survive in the battle.
this reads as non-sense because that was my intention, but that's because I don't think many can really grasp the beauty of living detached from a sick capitalist world
let me share another reality, men live thinking that something is wrong with them, but they aren't sure why, and I'll tell you: being caged in a concrete jungle, where one's freedom is widely limited, is what makes many men feel sick without really understanding why, and the most tragic path to sense a liberation is suicide, and the next worst decision is becoming homosexual, because the tension of feeling caged, they wrongly interpret it, as being sexually repressed... but that's a discussion for other social circles, not WSO
hmmm... maybe I should write a book
huh?
that's what weeks with no pussy does to a man
Hey mate, hope you’re okay. Based on your post it’s likely you’re depressed (potentially dysthymia). For people who haven’t been exposed to this/had experience it can be a strange thing to recognise in yourself. I’d recommend seeing your doctor and get a psychologist. Immensely helpful.
I responded to this once before, but it disappeared. Not sure why you think it is dysthymia as that specifies it has lasted over two years. Also, not sure why you said psychologist when for this it is much better to see a psychiatrist.
Hey hope you are feeling better. We need you and the world values you. Try listening to the Hans Zimmer, "Why do we fall", part of the batman soundtrack - it is symbolic for Bruce Wayne rising out of the dark tunnel. Also reach out to loved ones and friends.
Yeah watched the dark knight trilogy a month or so ago bc saw it was about to leave Netflix. Amazing movies although I think Christian bale is a weak Batman. By far the best Bruce Wayne we’ve ever had
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