Total Life Pathethicness

Various comminglings and circumstances resulted in a rather pathetic life that I am having, or I am probably just pathetic as a whole and this is karma.

Born in foreign country A and brought up in foreign country B by a single parent (father). Single parent sold all estates / property in country B to finance my studies in the US. Attended college (bachelor) in the U.S. Best student in class, multiple internships yadayada. First student to receive BB offer in my sophomore year. Elated all year only for 2 weeks before hitting the desk in my junior summer to know that offer revoked because do not sponsor, funny enough I met my high school alum in my BB SA superday but fine, life changes. Proceeds to spam every person under the Sun and found an internship to get going just for the summer. 

Senior year arrives and recruits for full time. Interned at startup fund and converted full time. Came onboard and saw 3/6 of the team being gone (including my internship contact) no reason given but fine, life changes. Called my internship contact and straight up advised me to leave the fund within 6 months. Worked at startup fund but was demoralized by senior: Called out in front of spec sales for being unable to conf in via Skype (who still uses that), called my cell after leaving the desk for 10min because lunch, texted me 10min after leaving group meeting in midtown for ??? just asking, had to do all the night calls because the other junior on the team never picked up the slack, getting randomly jumped on / yelled at in the office in front of colleagues for absolutely no reason (e.g. burst out of his chair and comes swinging at me). Fund was a shit place with shit performance and people leaving so I picked up too. 

Sat around and recruited for a year but no traction and returned to country B. At this point I have no real life experience other than observing management behavior in group meetings and being gaslighted by my PM for 3 years and no place to fall back to because single parent sold the only estate in country B so I am desperate for any job. End up now at this intelligence barren consultant company doing midget Excels with wages at 30% of what I used to earn. Live in a basement with a funky, smelly, roommate who is constantly on the phone and fucks her bf / alleged cousin every night and 3 donkey roommates / landlord upstairs who won’t do shit at it. No social life, no friends, no family in country B, some savings from my days at startup fund but wouldn’t dare to spare it since I don’t have any place to fall back on here. No motivation for CPA/CFA/GRE because job market is shit and country B is basically on the verge of blowup (net outflow of tax paying citizens). 

I spent the last weekend bed-rotting by looking at videos of cats being erased by cars and threads of brown trolls. Called my parents and repeated for the nth time that I’d like to be reborn into a rock in the Death Valley and do nothing but enjoy scenery while not having to pay rent. Ever since I joined the startup fund I always dreamed of getting right back to high school graduation and end up doing an extra year then re apply or going to a random university in country B, so I don’t have to go through the hellscape of selling an estate for studies, recruiting for BB then fail, work for startup fund then fail again, and come back to country B with no place to live and no prospect of career advancements with a pathetic salary, while some random high school acquitance texted me today about her moving to my city, getting promoted (salary still lower than what I earned right out of undergrad, but still higher than what I earn now). Total life patheticness