Waiting for a Girl

Anyone else old enough to remember when this was a finance forum?

She’s busy, find someone elsewhere

Waiting never works out.

That’s code for she’s getting back shots in her final semester

Going to take a different view from most here.

How long would the wait be? A few months? It’s really not the end of the world to work on yourself for a bit and not focus on girls. If it turns out she was not worth the wait, then you’ve used your time productively and you move on.

You’ll likely feel worse if you don’t wait around, then find out that she was being sincere but now blames you for moving on like that. Once again, you don’t lose anything by waiting.

While you were typing this message she was probably riding another cock.

Start dating other girls / see if you get other options / if you can find a better girl (but of course make that current girl believe that you are waiting ie do not burn any bridges. Be smart). It’s the only way to do it 

The question is, does waiting help you in any way?  I don't sense that girls lose any attraction to a guy if they know he's playing the field.  Sure they'll get sad, angry, disappointed or whatever.  They might even claim they're moving on because he's moved on.  But actions speak louder than words, and to me it's pretty clear that they'll want the guy more if anything.  

Also in the department of actions speaking lounder than words: has a girl ever been into a guy but "too busy" for him?  My experience is, if a girl is into a guy even slightly, it becomes the obsession of her life.  She becomes too busy for everything else.  Not too busy for him.

You're the beta soyboy in her plan B category. 

Let her explore better options with Chad in fraternity and Tyrone in college basketball team and collect their DNAs.

If she fail to secure them then she would go back to you and let you have a sloppy second.

A lot of guys giving you shit for this but as a hopeful romantic myself, I get it

As far as what you tell her, I would honestly just say that you're open to picking it back up at a certain date but that it won't preclude you from continuing to meet others and socialize. She is effectively communicating the same thing to you right now. 

Don't kick yourself for having these feelings, it is natural to desire meaningful companionship. Just be sure that you're being adequately selfish in the sense that you're not compromising unequally with her. 

She said she promises that she’s not planning on talking to other guys and doesn’t really have the time to

To put this in a finance type tone think about it like this. She looked at a relationship with you and decided the opportunity cost was too great. You gotta ask yourself, do I want to be with someone who doesn’t feel like I add enough value right now? Also, do I add enough value right now? Is she devaluing me? Could I foresee myself getting better (someone who is equally sweet, pretty etc) who will value me right now.

Answer those questions and it’s likely you will find whether you should wait. For a quicker way to know (although not full proof) if you honestly have to ask yourself and others “should I wait” the answer is probably no.

Good luck!

Just gotta be real with yourself imo... you've known her for a month and a half after all. 

She said she promises that she’s not planning on talking to other guys and doesn’t really have the time to, and that she really likes me and that she sees a future.

Am I being a simp for waiting, or because of the conversations we’ve had and the chemistry there is it wouldn’t be a dumb idea to wait?

No, I'd say you're a naïve romantic. You've known this girl for a month and a half i.e. you don't know anything about her at all because everyone is still walls up that early on (especially these days). Sure keep contact and talking and whatever, but you're going to feel a lot dumber if you do wait around with your dick in your hand and nothing happens, then look back a few years from now and realize what you missed out on. You're only young and in college once and unless you're in a position to lock up some once in a lifetime kinda gal (which you're not by the sound of it), ain't no woman worth giving any of that time up in exchange for empty promises.

Go out and live your life. You have known her for like 45 days. 

If this girl comes back around when the time is right - great. If she doesn't - no big deal. 

Dude, no. Don’t wait for her.

People make time for those that they’re really into. Yes, you’re absolutely being a Simp

FFS go date others and find someone who is into you.

Keep on your grind

Bro, and you believed her? 

As someone who has simped over a girl in the early years of college, she's playing you lol. In my case, found out through a friend she was hooking up with random guys almost every weekend lol.

Definitely sounds like she wants to ride out the rest of college single for obvious reasons…..


If not and she’s “so busy” translating to “too busy for you”, she’s going to be the busiest she’s ever been outside of college. So you’ll just wait till she’s even busier.

So firstly would like to point out that I reside in Europe so cultural differences to dating in North America might not be obvious to me.

I think that the quality of the remarks made by the people on this thread signifies they are total losers. There is nothing wrong for waiting for a girl you like, if you really like her. And of course this really depends if you actually trust that she is being honest with you about her situation. But hey, sometimes you need to have some faith in people. Two months are not a long time, I am sure you have a lot of stuff to do in addition to dating. One suggestion: girls do appreciate when they are politely pursued. That is, you may offer to drive the 90 min to have a beer / coffee with her. Everyone likes a man which shows initiative. 

On the other hand, most older people would never reccomend to spend too much time being invested in one person during college. This is a time when you experiment and diversify, in order to develop a better taste and understanding of what you are attracted to / interested in. This will be important when you start working as you won't have the time to fuck around as much. So I don't think you are being a simp for waiting, but there is also nothing wrong with waiting while simultaneously having another date or two. 

Also agree with a comment above: don't go to WSO for dating advice. These people have severe mental damage from working overtime in IB. 

How'd that work out for Forrest Gump?

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It seems like you’re looking for people here to affirm your decision to wait. However, most commenters here — not relationship-minded, but rather fling-minded, even if well-intentioned — have reached the consensus that you’re being taken advantage of by a girl who has made you a backup whilst she gets with other people.



The truth is that you’ll never know, and you have to be okay with not knowing.


Is it possible that she is genuinely inundated with work, her social life, planning for her future, and some personal baggage for well, and is unsure what next year and the summer will bring…but genuinely has feelings you? Yes.


Is it also possible that she’s just not that into you and is treating you as a backup? Yes.


I’m opposed to “the odds are” type thinking on these matters, as it really depends on the girl. The fact of the matter is that, even if you had known her for a couple years, you’ll never know her considerations in this arena with certainty. You just have to be okay with that.


If waiting for her feels right, wait for her and work on your self. But you’re not obligated to wait for anyone, and if you’d like to date other girls in the meanwhile, that’s fine, too. You may end up regretful, but that’s life. These situations are rarely neat.


Wishing you all the best.

It is time to move on because she has already moved on from you. You would be a fool not to date other people, hoping that she will reach out to you when she graduates.

Coming from someone who was in similar shoes (gf wanted to spend last year of college single and not tied down), would recommend against waiting. Take in, we were good friends since freshman year, same school etc so knew each other well. After a series of back and forths, basically told her she would lose me if she wanted me to wait with no results. Think doing that i) makes you more respectable as you’re not putting your own wants down and ii) removes the risk of wasting your time (cherish your time before FT). Tldr is to know your worth and respect yourself first.

Unless you have extreme conviction that this is your soulmate, the downsides of waiting way exceed being decisive. Sounds like you’ve met so would think harder about true trust and conviction vs excitement.

Fyi gf and I have been together for 3+ years now, in retrospect she agrees my move was right, moving in together next year fwiw.

It’s time to start exploring strategic options.