When to cut off a friend?
I need some opinions on this since I've never encountered this issue. For some background, I decided to room with a semi-close friend from high school during my internship. He seemed like a decent guy beforehand, as we would always shoot the shit and have a good laugh. However, after living with him for a few months, I realized the following:
-Gaslights for the dumbest reasons: Whenever I'm doing something (cooking etc.) in the common area, and he disagrees with how I'm doing it, he starts arguing and tries to get me to follow his instructions.
-Unwilling to compromise: There's been a few issues, but the first example that comes to mind is that I've had to sleep at 73-74 Fahrenheit most of the time. Whenever I mention lowering the temperature, he is never willing to compromise since he gets "sick" or makes up some excuse to guilt me.
-Generally toxic individual: Is never happy for anyone and is constantly shit-talking whenever someone we know achieves something. He also has a massive ego, making it painful to have a normal convo (always trying to one-up you).
I probably sound like a bitch, but I've hit a mental breaking point. At this point, I'm considering cutting him off once I move out. A shitty reason holding me back is that he's wealthy and well-connected. His parents know some CEOs, and from what I've seen, his family's connections have landed him internships.
Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Yeah, screw that guy. Life gets busy. No need to keep crappy people around.
In my experience, by the time you start asking yourself questions like, "Should I cut them off?" or "Should I break up with her?" then it's probably time. Things don't usually get better once you start having those thoughts. You're having those thoughts for a reason.
However, being friends with someone and living with someone are two totally different experiences. You can sometimes be cool with someone you could never live with.
I appreciate the good advice, I've been sick of it for a while, but I just hit a breaking point.
Yup, looks like I learned that the hard way. With my case, I can't see myself being friends once I move out with them because I've discovered too many terrible traits.
He sounds like a major a-hole. Don't put up with people like that. Do your best to get along with him, but let him know that you're not happy with his behavior. He sounds like a douche bag lmao
Thanks man, realized this while living with him. I'll call him out on his shitty behavior going forward as we only have 1 month left.
Living with people always brings out the Best/Worst of their personalities.
My advice would be to move out and give them a few weeks of no or minimal contact. After that time, see if they want to grab a beer and catch up. Worst case scenario is that they still act like a d-bag and you make up an excuse that you need to leave after 1 beer. At least you know that their personality sucks and it just wasn't the living situation. Best case scenario is that you have a drinking buddy that you can shoot the shit with and maybe finagle some connections with.
I would've taken this post-move route, but based on @Steam's comment, I should stand up for myself (while we're still roommates). If they aren't willing to understand that they're being a dick, then it's probably best to move on and focus on spending time with good people.
Honest question but why don’t you just…tell them this? It sounds like you’re about to do something along the lines of gaslighting on your own here (a stretch) by just what? Going no-contact or making up some random reason why you are busy and then leaving the friend thinking you just got busy when the reality is they suck? Stop being a little bitch, ask the friend out for a beer and the next time they start downplaying others / being a dick just straight up tell them it’s annoying and you don’t wanna be around that shit. It’s that simple, plus gives them a chance to actually correct the behavior than just simple not knowing.
Completely agree that I've been a bitch by not calling out all the bullshit throughout. You make a good point of getting him to correct his behavior. Obviously, I don't want to force him, but it's definitely better to let him know for his personal development rather than ghosting him.
Cut a former 'good friend' out of my life for good, cold turkey. Have been on phenomenal progress since then, both professionally, academically and mentally/ emotionally. Deleted all convos with him and blocked on all socials. He even tried to contact me on alternative socials and I blocked on all those alternative platforms.
Gaslighting guy. Have threatened to kill me/ harm me multiple times, both jokingly and seriously. He once got a part time job at Tesco's, when I suggested I visit him he went 'If you visit me at work I'll f**king kill you.' He found out that I was doing the CFA by chance, I told him why I was doing it and suggested he do it too. Fast forward couple months later, few weeks before exam, he hasn't studied anything and he goes batshit crazy and said I roped him into an exam that he didn't want and made him drop a grand and now he's in so much shit cuz of me.
Has been diagnosed with bipolar. Keeps saying that he wants to nuke certain places and nuke people who do things (e.g., working out) that he doesn't like
If he's everything you say, I doubt he's going to have his family help you and potentially one up him. I'd cut bait -- have done many times with people I considered dead weight. No need to make a spectacle of it, it happens naturally in most instances -- hang out less and less, etc.
The best way to cut off a friend is to ask to borrow money of them.
None of you have parents / older siblings / uncles to give basic life advice?
You really are unsure if you should keep a toxic ex-roommate at arms length once you move out?
Like did you actually expect to hear opinions saying to stay friends lol?
kill 'em with kindness
criticizes your cooking "thanks man, this is good enough for me. if you want to cook for me though I'm down!"
temp too high, don't worry about it. sleep on just sheets, sit on the couch in tanktops or shirtless then if he asks just say you're hot
never happy about anyone, just pretend like you don't hear him. have a book you're reading, or my favorite when I'm not paying attention "oh sorry I was meditating"
trying to one up you, again kill 'em with kindness. tell him he wins, stroke the ego.
or you could just say "that's cool" anytime he criticizes you or bitches about something, literally anything he says
the trouble with sociopaths is you cannot ever win an argument kinda like you can't win an argument with a dog or a toddler, they're not approaching things rationally so you have to resort to flank warfare instead of a full frontal assault. also, like a toddler, often times they'll tire themselves out with screaming if you don't give them any fuel to keep going and then you can move on
final idea - take a 30 day vow of silence until the lease is up. write him a letter telling him you're embarking on a spiritual journey and you need his support to not break the vow of silence but you'll be glad to speak once it's over
Personally, I'd cut him off and not look back.
This happened to me but he was my best friend and he just got under my skin too much, two months into the lease (I was an undergrad) I didn’t speak to him again and still lived with him for another 6 months lol
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