Would you date a girl who makes more than you?

Maybe I sound like a pussy, but I realized how much I base my self worth on how much money I make a while back. I realized that's unhealthy and don't base it off that anymore, but I still find it hard to date a girl who makes more than me. I had a brief fling with a girl who I later found out is the daughter of an MF PE SMD. 

I guess, I've focused my whole life since the beginning of high school on increasing my earning potential, so seeing that this girl (who was kinda an ass) will just be handed more money than I will likely ever earn in my 90 hour weeks was hella depressing. 

I'm currently seeing this one girl, and while I know she's in a worse off financial situation than me, she insisted on paying the full cost of our second date. I'm not gonna lie, I use my parents money for most things, and I don't mind that, but seeing this girl pay for me made me feel weak and helpless. 

I feel like dating a girl who did make more than me would wreck the only shred of ego I still have. Sigh....

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Comments (42)

Jan 16, 2022 - 4:26pm
Isaiah_53_5 💎🙌💎🙌💎, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I dated a girl worth 8 figures and she still wanted me to pay for dinners. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Jan 16, 2022 - 6:24pm
Iko_, what's your opinion? Comment below:

So you're depressed when a girl makes more than you but also when she makes less than you?

Find a way to value yourself other than your job. If you have absolutely nothing going on besides your job, your biggest priority isn't dating but getting your life together. 

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Jan 16, 2022 - 7:31pm
tamago., what's your opinion? Comment below:

Dude go see a therapist. Not trying to insult you or anything, talking to a therapist is really helpful. I talk to one as well, find it really refreshing as I can't bring myself to talk about emotions to people in general. 

Right now it seems that you have low self esteem, valuing yourself only through your job and money. Know it's difficult as you've worked so hard your entire life and come a long way and I respect you so much for that. But at some point we also have to focus on our health, be it physical or mental, just like we focus on our jobs. 

Jan 29, 2022 - 5:01am
TheBuellerBanker, what's your opinion? Comment below:

In a world where you will always meet someone who makes more than you, this is very sage advice.

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Jan 17, 2022 - 1:05pm
IncomingIBDreject, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Disagree. If you're average looking/personality then someone who earns more could be marrying you to control you. 

Array

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Jan 16, 2022 - 7:43pm
userdoesnotexist, what's your opinion? Comment below:

This is a terrible way to look at it, but I personally have always preferred to pay on dates even if I have zero interest in the other party in which case I go MIA / underground after the first one. It's a personal preference. Not trying to put the other person down.  

Jan 16, 2022 - 10:43pm
iridescent007, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I did this a while ago. I think if both you and her can see it through a normal social lens, then you people are fine. 

Meaning:

You: won't feel that much of a low self-esteem. 

Her: won't look you down because every single person says oh your boyfriend makes less. 

This is really important. Otherwise it won't work. Didn't work for me. 

Jan 19, 2022 - 8:50am
RedWhiteAndBlue, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I'm so confused why this isn't everyone's dream.

Jan 16, 2022 - 11:09pm
Teller in Branch - Personal Loans, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Should plan a working holiday in Japan as a host. Will help with the getting a girl to pay part.

VP
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Jan 17, 2022 - 1:31am
marketMergerMaddie, what's your opinion? Comment below:

You're not a pussy. Period. Don't ever call yourself that. 

=============================

You have feelings that you find troubling and don't know how to deal with. You quite literally spoke about feeling like your ego would get destroyed if you dated a girl richer and feel weak and helpless if you date a girl poorer. It's a bit of a problem, unless you date a girl literally exactly as rich as you, which is statistical improbability.

So, it seems you don't know how to feel about girls as it relates to your job. That's ok! You have feelings and deserve to feel things out. 

I think for you, it would be worth talking to others about alleviating that inner resentment, and re-centering your self-confidence around something you find valuable that isn't just money or your job. After that point consider what you want to do for dating. Figure out this discrepancy and figure out if the relationship you are pursuing will be compatible with your long term goals. I wish you the best!

Jan 17, 2022 - 1:34am
marketMergerMaddie, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Quick anecdote about wanting more money: I remember talking to my last college roommate about wanting to make more money since my roommate makes approx. 7x what I do due to being at a startup and getting stock options. Even bought a $3.5 million apartment in NYC at 22 without parents help. All that, and my roommate was pissed about not owning a house in the Venetian Islands in Miami as a coworker had (homes in the Venetian Islands in Miami average about $15mm)! 

Jan 17, 2022 - 1:47am
Teller in Branch - Personal Loans, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Here's another perspective. For her to offer to pay for the date, she must have really liked you. I usually try to pay on all dates unless I'm asked to split or the girl insists on treating me, in which case more often than not it's because the girl had a great time / wants to get to know you more. I would look at it as an ego booster. We deal with money all day, rank ourselves by it, so it naturally ties back to our own egos. Not everyone we meet think like us, even less so among the potential future better halves. 

VP
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Jan 17, 2022 - 7:33am
TheGrind, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Tom Brady doesn't seem too bothered

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Jan 17, 2022 - 1:07pm
IncomingIBDreject, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Probably not although this is somewhat dependent on age. 

Array

Jan 17, 2022 - 2:18pm
K-Peezy, what's your opinion? Comment below:
IncomingIBDreject

Probably not although this is somewhat dependent on age. 

^ What he said.

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Jan 17, 2022 - 2:27pm
Anonymous Monkey, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I would date but not stay with her long term. Rich girls will never treat you how you want to be treated because they are entitled and want you to bow down to them

Jan 18, 2022 - 11:26am
PeRmAnEnTiNtErN, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I would happily date a girl that is making more than me, but if they are constantly bringing it up or rubbing it when I am still working hard then,  No I am not going to date them. I am not going to date them probably because of their piss poor attitude.  

Jan 17, 2022 - 3:51pm
PrivateTechquity 🚀GME🚀, what's your opinion? Comment below:

The question isn't would I date her, it's would she date me. Women typically do not want to date men who make less than them, so in general this isn't a situation that will pop up frequently. If the opportunity arose, absolutely, I would love to date a woman who can actually contribute meaningfully to things other than just the emotional/sexual aspects of a relationship/potential family building. If it's something that you are uncomfortable with then you're just an insecure little boy who really needs to look at yourself in the mirror. 

Array

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Jan 17, 2022 - 5:08pm
Orionsbelt1234, what's your opinion? Comment below:

From my experience it became less about what she thought about how much I made, and it was more about her family looking down at it 

Jan 19, 2022 - 5:44pm
acardboardmonkey, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I only really care if they are hugely in inescapable debt, because that will become your problem whether it is consoling them or financially helping if you're together long enough. If they make more than you, who cares? That's a positive to me if anything since they're likely to be pretty clever!

Jan 19, 2022 - 6:01pm
GramReaper, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Of course net worth is going to play some role in how we value ourselves - especially in this forum. We're all quant focused and this an easy and measurable metric to track/determine success. The secret is making sure we're trying to track the other things we like about ourselves: sense of humor, volunteerism, athletics, compassion, etc. which are harder to measure.

But to your main question about being with a girl that makes more money than you, that wouldn't bother me, assuming she's a great partner (and by great, I mean, you bring out the best attributes in one another). In this situation, there are no downsides. You grow together, make a lot of money and have far more financial freedom.

Now that's not to say you can't be just as happy with someone who makes less, maybe they have way more of the qualitative factors. What you might want to try doing is instead of evaluating yourself and your partner independently, think about how you complement one another.

Jan 24, 2022 - 8:50pm
NewIndustryHorizon, what's your opinion? Comment below:

There are two VPs at my company who are married - pretty sure the wife makes 2x+ as much as her husband (both still make 6 figures, 300K vs. probably 120-150K). I know 120-150K is low but we're not in a "sexy" industry and are known in the area amongst competitors to underpay senior management.

But she's fairly down to earth and goofy in her own right (would also admit she's quite attractive for a woman in her 40s with a few kids). Neither I think came from money and live in a fairly small comfy home.

Probably the happiest marriage I've seen in my workplace. She always talks about her kids and her husband.

Jan 26, 2022 - 7:37am
financeabc, what's your opinion? Comment below:

In general, the OP is way too focused on money and earnings in the context of dating.  If you are going to define yourself by this criteria, you are never going to be happy.  If you make 200K, you might be envious of the person making 400K.  It is a loop that without an end.  You should work on other aspects of yourself that will boost self esteem like working out, pursuing academic interests, enhancing your wardrobe, playing an instrument, etc. If you have other interests, you probably will not care as much about the money.  

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Jan 26, 2022 - 7:46am
Faustian, what's your opinion? Comment below:

You felt weak and helpless when a girl that made less than you paid for your dinner? But it's also a hit to your ego when you date a girl that makes more than you?

But you also self-admittedly use your parents money for most things? What the fuck

Jan 27, 2022 - 8:58am
hedge, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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Jan 29, 2022 - 5:05am
TheBuellerBanker, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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Jan 29, 2022 - 9:24am
Whatever1984, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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