33 Years Old In PE & Still Single - Should I Quit To Find A Wife
Hey all, currently a VP in PE having an early mid-life crisis. I've been on the finance grind ever since graduation (IB -> PE, no MBA break). I dated casually in my 20s but never took dating seriously until a couple years ago. Dating was always a lower priority for me versus (1) IB/PE job and (2) friends/traveling/having fun with the more limited free time I had.
Broke up with a girlfriend ~5 months ago and have increasingly felt that I need to quit PE to focus on finding a wife. I want to start a family (2+ kids) in my mid 30's and don't think the PE lifestyle is ideal for this. I'm not at a super sweaty PE firm but I'm still doing ~60ish hours average and am always on call / hard for me to "turn off" work. I know there's PE seniors with families but seems like (1) most met their spouse in their 20s who committed to supporting them on the grind up and (2) PE seniors including my MDs have to miss family commitments / don't think they're spending as much time with their families as I think I'd like to.
Should I quit PE and move to a better WLB job (i.e. corp dev) so I can make finding a wife and starting a family my #1 priority given my age? Anyone in PE get married and start a family later in their mid to late 30s - was it challenging / did you regret not doing this sooner?
In most areas of life, people tend to double down on what they’re already good at; simply changing the context rarely changes their behavior.
It might be more effective to work on the underlying habits and there’s plenty of good material on that. In the meantime, consider dialing back your current role by say 5%. If you’re already open to leaving, there’s little downside, and reinvest that time in meeting new people, whether through industry events, social settings, or even dating apps.
It’s also worth building a consistent sports or fitness routine, if you don’t have one already. The same principle applies: habits compound. You’ll not only look better, but likely feel more confident as well.
It sounds like you're at a crossroads, and it's a common dilemma for many in high-intensity careers like PE. Based on the most helpful WSO content, here are some key considerations and insights:
Work-Life Balance and Priorities:
Private equity is inherently demanding, and even at firms with better work-life balance, the lifestyle often leans heavily toward work. If starting a family and dedicating time to a spouse and kids is a top priority, transitioning to a role with more predictable hours (like corporate development, family office, or even a downmarket fund) could provide the space you need to focus on personal goals.
Timing and Family Goals:
Many in PE who successfully balance family life often met their partners earlier in life, as you mentioned. Starting a family in your mid-30s is absolutely achievable, but it does require intentional effort and time—something the PE lifestyle can make challenging. If you feel that your current role is preventing you from dedicating the necessary energy to finding a partner and building a family, a career shift might be worth considering.
Long-Term Happiness:
As highlighted in WSO threads, many professionals in PE realize later that the prestige and financial rewards don't always equate to happiness. It's okay to step off the "prestige path" if it doesn't align with your personal goals. There's no shame in prioritizing a fulfilling personal life over climbing the PE ladder.
Alternative Career Paths:
Roles like corporate development, family offices, or even less intense PE shops can offer a better balance. These roles often come with fewer hours, less stress, and more flexibility, allowing you to focus on personal milestones without completely stepping away from the finance world.
Perspective from Others:
Many WSO users have shared that they regret not prioritizing personal relationships earlier in their careers. However, others have successfully started families later in life, though they acknowledge it can be more challenging. The key is to assess what matters most to you and whether your current trajectory aligns with those values.
Ultimately, the decision comes down to your priorities. If finding a wife and starting a family is your top goal, making a career move to create space for that is a logical step. Remember, there's no "right" timeline—it's about what works for you and your vision for the future.
Sources: Handling Stress / Burnout in Private Equity, Should I leave IB for my girlfriend, who I want to marry and have a family with?, Why don't more women go into PE?, Private Equity shops with the best work/life balance
Bump
Are you fat/balding/look like shit? If so, prioritize finding a wife now.
If you’re in good shape and don’t look older than your age, you’re honestly fine being single for another 5ish years.
Also if you have $$ you can always find a woman.
Plenty of 18 year olds in east village to meet bro.
Before you do anything drastic - go to therapy. Find someone who is used to working with high performers. Go on zocdoc and search for therapists that way or use grow therapy or better help (if you don’t mind paying out of pocket). Tell them you’re working in a high stress field and want tactics to manage anxiety and setting boundaries with work.
Deal with the fact that you don’t know how to “turn off” from work first and the rest of your problems will be solved. Chronic anxiety will absolutely ruin your life, regardless of what job you are doing or how many hours you’re working.
This thread has some interesting perspective:
https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/private-equity/walking-away-from-…
“Go to therapy” lol
You seem to have an opinion here, have you ever gone?
This is an entirely personal decision; ask yourself why you haven’t found someone already.
If the answer is your job, quit if it’s something you want to prioritise.
If it’s you not putting yourself out there, keep the job and go searching.
If it’s your standards, consider dropping them (unless you are fine being more patient).
Dude everyone above is overcomplicating things. Quit and find something with a ~50hr workweek or less. Path dependence is a powerful thing, and you will be even more likely to prioritize career in PE to move up the ladder if you keep staying
Careers come and go, but having a loving wife and kids is priceless. Ever since I got married, I feel on top of the world even on bad days at work. If my job went away, it would suck but it doesn't scare me much anymore (vs. 5yrs ago when it was the only thing I was really focused on).
The last thing you want to be is not married 5yrs from now. The second last thing is having your first kid at 45 and having people think you're the grandfather of your own kid when you take them to the park
I know of guys who have had kids at 60 for various reasons..
Ok? Tell me how many guys want to have kids at 60 and be the great grandpa at their kid's high school graduation. You'll find this to be pretty small pool
You're overthinking it. Absolutely do not change careers - at least for this reason.
Someone else just asked this in relation to moving to a new geography - here was my response:
This is the time to set your career trajectory / earnings potential - the single biggest difference maker in your life apart from money itself. Build around that and the personal life will fall in place at the right time. And if you do it right, that personal life may be several leagues better than you were hoping for.
Unless you have ties now, don’t try to make your career fit into your personal life. Or even worse, the future personal life you think you want now.
this guy sounds like a douche
Lol why? OP splits with his girlfriend and wants to quit his job to "find a wife". Give me a break.
I’ll date you - pm me
What’s your geo?
Top ~10 US city in terms of population but not Tier 1 aka NYC/SF/LA. I've heard dating is more favorable for a guy in NYC and LA (and much more difficult in SF) so maybe moving to NYC or LA would be the move, whether I stay in PE or not
Absolutely not LA unless you're rly good looking. I suppose this principle applies anywhere, but it's more prevalent in LA than anywhere else in America
I think your instinct tells you that being in PE or working insane hours will not allow you sufficient time for dating.
This is not true. However, the problem is, if you find and marry a woman who is OK with you frolicking around the office and with your friends for 14-15 hours a day... I think that woman may be a red flag or at the very least a yellow flag.
I don't think loving relationships (with your spouse and/or kids) can happen without significant time investment, and maybe that's just me. If that is more important to you, maybe look for something else (e.g., corpdev) as you said.
Nobody dies on their deathbed thinking about PE or what mega deals they could have closed, it's always they wish they spent more time with their kids etc.
Maybe
Do not do this. Terrible idea
Can you give more color why?
You never know how marriage will turn out.
Job market is absolutely brutal so if you don't have a job to quit to then that is dangerous.
Your best bet is to work in PE save 60% of your comp. And force yourself to go on dates by cutting back time in the office.
But I do not think quitting job for this is prudent at all. Taking on the tail risk of marriage and nuking your career makes no sense . Opens up a potential scenario where you end up in a very dark timeline
I’m a few years younger than you, have never had a girlfriend. I’ve always wanted to have a family too but (1) I don’t meet new / single women socially anymore and (2) get 0 matches on the apps. Before you assume I’m ugly, I’m 6’ flat, 170lbs, and have a thick full head of hair. I’ve doubled down on work, I find it interesting & rewarding (monetarily and intellectually). On one hand it would be nice to date but my life has been pretty good so far & it’ll probably get more fun / interesting. Maybe one day I’ll meet someone and it works out, maybe it doesn’t.
It sounds like you are recently single and as a result a little depressed. Hit the gym, spend time with friends, & get some sunlight. Life is good. We are living in the middle of one of the most exciting times in human history. Then re-evaluate how rushed you are to get married. Lots of guys have kids at a later age, no one will judge you for being 45 and having a kid. If they do, there’s something wrong with them. Or more likely, they are poor & can’t afford to buy a house b/c they got married when they were 28 but had no money. Remember life is good.
Learn how to cold approach. Not rocket science just takes balls
Cold approaching in college or at a house party when you are 26 in NYC yields better results b/c the people are all pre-vetted. I was not confident back then b/c I was chubby & looking back I squandered the opportunity.
ROI on time cold approaching random women seems low. I’m interested in someone eager to settle down but not interested in someone who has nothing going for them.
I’ve been able to save / invest a ton, bought a vacation home, and life is fun & interesting. I’m OK being single (I don’t really know anything else to feel like I’m missing out on something).
I actually think if you are efficient enough, PE can actually help you accelerate your wife hunt by helping you staying super-focused on finding the one. This means a disciplined approach where you originate 3+ dates per week and apply a pretty rigid conversion (kill leads efficiently, and double down on what you want to pursue).
I am saying this because I also have plenty of friends who are living great WLB yet still single because they are busy between 3-5 situationships and just can't pick what they want (tbh imo that just means none of their leads are appealing enough for them commit seriously...)
If you know what you want and you can be efficient with it, you will find a wife in due course
60 hours? That’s really not bad. Doesn’t feel like the reason you can’t find a wife
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