A day in PE

Here's a couple of random highlights and lowlights with my personal rating:

• [5+] Only for Associates: IC shits all over your deal in stage 1 or 2A IC screen, you KNEW this would happen, and you tried to bring it up. Deal dies, you were right, you sort of have that mini vindication of having done your DD but don't have to sprint afterwards. Setting aside the fact that you did a bunch of shit for nothing, this is easily a 5 for me. Deals dying was my #1 favorite part of banking and PE.
• 3 Deal gets signed or closed. You get 1 day of euphoria, yay all your hard work paid off. You get celebratory drinks with the team, and feel so accomplished. Damn, you signed a $1B deal as part of a 3-4 person deal team. So sick. this is totally gonna show up on PE News Wire. You read the press release (doesn't mention you at all, but you did draft the Partner's quote for them). You read the partner's internal email, which thanks you for "doing what it takes to get the deal through." He also spelled your name right. Fuck yeah. Then you realize that you still hate your team, you're about to get staffed tomorrow, and now you have another PortCo that's gonna suck the life out of you with blueprinting, setting up reporting, and ad hoc bullshit. a few hours of 5, a year of 3 (or 1 if the portco underperforms)
• 5 Your first board meeting. Sitting in the room with the big boys and talking big strategy. You get to "see how the sausage is made," "strategic initiatives," "roll up your sleeves." Go to dinner and get shitfaced off wine and steak while talking to management about how excited they are for this next phase of growth. Fuck yeah brother, this is what we work for. You're helping grow a damn business. Hell yeah.
• 1 Every other board meeting after this. No sausage is being made. Just Partners asking probing questions while Mgt tries to play defense, worse if it's underperforming. You're trying to sneak in work on another deal, but have to half-listen in case you get asked about a number. At dinner, you seek out the most junior person at the portco that got invited, and you sit together and talk shit (this is a 4). Fly home the next day tired as fuck wondering why the fuck you even went there, you have so much shit to catch up on, etc.
• 4 Slow day, sneaking out at 4pm on a Wednesday to hit a quick workout at Equinox. blast emails on your phone in between sets and think to yourself "is this what being an MD is like?" But alas, you gotta go log back on to turn some comments on the IC deck and you didn't even get a chance to steam :(
• 5 Wrote a thoughtful and detailed email to the Partner about model changes, why assumptions changed, and what we think about valuation. Get a "Thanks - really great detailed response here. appreciate the work and this makes sense" This has happened maybe 3 times.
• 1 Subject: "Fw: fw: FW: fw: [EXTERNAL] FW: Project XXX." You guys all know what I'm talking about. 99% of the time it's completely out of mandate but "it could be interesting"
• 2 Lights turn off in the office and you need to walk to turn them back on. You didn't go home because you're in the zone and you "only need another hour." It's been 4 hours.
• 1 "Datasite: New Documents Available on Project XX." Fuck you PJT, it's 11pm on Friday.
• 5 First Friday where you have the balls to wear jeans, sneakers, and a short sleeve button up to the office. Nobody says anything (but they definitely talk behind your back).
• 2 Finishing up a databook and sending it off to your VP at around 8pm, immediately getting the "thanks, will review shortly." Almost free, but you know this asshole is gonna ask you “why does the October cohort have so much variance? Can you look into it?” Because there’s only 3 customers in that cohort and it’s project-based revenue not monthly recurring, smartass. 

I have so many more, but these are ones that come off the top of my head.