Does working at Apollo solve my problems ?

signed to a top eb for summer 2024 (PJT RSSG/EVR m&a/Qatalyst) at a top target (Harvard/Wharton/Princeton/Yale) Feel very accomplished in life. However I have been completely working my ass off since the beginning of high school (thanks tiger parents). I have yet to kiss a girl or have sex on my campus. I regret so much. But now with this SA offer at a great eb I feel I have to make one more step and I can land a great mfpe offer.I was wondering if magically landing a spot at Apollo would get all the girls to finally open their legs for me. Any tips wso?

 
Funniest

Apollo will definitely help you get fucked 

 

Lift, spend time with your boys, learn a Romance language, pick up a minor in a liberal arts subject, read a fiction novel, learn how to cook some dishes — overall, just get comfortable with making improvements with yourself over time. Your goal shouldn’t be to sleep with “x” many girls, but just to improve yourself and feel good. Everything else will follow.

 

1. No job whatever it is will automatically get you laid or make you fuckable (unless you are a pornstar but I doubt you have the facilities - no offence)

2. Girls that are willing to sleep with you solely cause of your income are NOT the kind you want to attract

3. You probably won't get girls at Apollo if you can't get them at uni with basically unlimited opportunity and free time comparatively

4. The number one thing you need to work on before your looks, your body, fashion etc is your social skills (having tiger parents + your success in school indicates you probably spent lots of time studying vs socialising as a kid) 

Most of an individual's social skills are built during childhood so they are very difficult to develop as an adult. Initially, you will probably come across as unnatural but over time it will become second nature. 

Finally, trust me, girls are not the end all be all. You should much rather focus on developing meaningful relationships - the girls will come.

Career Advancement Opportunities

May 2024 Private Equity

  • The Riverside Company 99.5%
  • Blackstone Group 99.0%
  • Warburg Pincus 98.4%
  • KKR (Kohlberg Kravis Roberts) 97.9%
  • Bain Capital 97.4%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

May 2024 Private Equity

  • The Riverside Company 99.5%
  • Blackstone Group 98.9%
  • KKR (Kohlberg Kravis Roberts) 98.4%
  • Ardian 97.9%
  • Bain Capital 97.4%

Professional Growth Opportunities

May 2024 Private Equity

  • The Riverside Company 99.5%
  • Bain Capital 99.0%
  • Blackstone Group 98.4%
  • Warburg Pincus 97.9%
  • Starwood Capital Group 97.4%

Total Avg Compensation

May 2024 Private Equity

  • Principal (9) $653
  • Director/MD (22) $569
  • Vice President (92) $362
  • 3rd+ Year Associate (91) $281
  • 2nd Year Associate (206) $268
  • 1st Year Associate (388) $229
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (29) $154
  • 2nd Year Analyst (83) $134
  • 1st Year Analyst (246) $122
  • Intern/Summer Associate (32) $82
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (315) $59
notes
16 IB Interviews Notes

“... there’s no excuse to not take advantage of the resources out there available to you. Best value for your $ are the...”

Leaderboard

1
redever's picture
redever
99.2
2
Secyh62's picture
Secyh62
99.0
3
BankonBanking's picture
BankonBanking
99.0
4
Betsy Massar's picture
Betsy Massar
99.0
5
GameTheory's picture
GameTheory
98.9
6
dosk17's picture
dosk17
98.9
7
kanon's picture
kanon
98.9
8
CompBanker's picture
CompBanker
98.9
9
bolo up's picture
bolo up
98.8
10
Jamoldo's picture
Jamoldo
98.8
success
From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship

“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”