how can i lateral to another PE firm without notifying current firm

almost all PE firms require reference checks from current employer, so how do i lateral to another firm without having to alert my current firm? i don't think i can just refuse the reference check. and it doesn't seem like i could just use references from my old banking job - it was 3 years ago, i only stayed there briefly, and i haven't been in touch with anyone since then.

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Most firms, at least ones that I have worked at or that I have friends at, won't conduct a reference check for laterals until you've received an offer (typically formal but sometimes informal). For those that do, I would be transparent with whoever is running the process. This situation is more common than you think and I can almost guarantee that they will accommodate. 

 
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