No Experience, Non- Target, Please Critique
I come from a non-target, I will be graduating in December. I don't think my chances are very good for getting an IB position right after graduation as I do not have any directly related finance experience. I am looking mainly just to get my foot in the door and then make lateral moves to where I want to go.
I would greatly appreciate any comments or suggestions. I just completely re-formatted it and I know it needs some fine tuning, but just wanted to get some feedback now.
ORIGINAL: Here is the link: http://www.razume.com/documents/22327
RE-Formatted (1): http://www.razume.com/documents/22337
Re-Formatted (2): http://www.razume.com/documents/22475
Please feel free to ask me about any of the positions.
Thanks!
What did you do before 2011?
horrible resume even after revision. you dont even list your position for one of your work experiences. Not a very good draft for any position. go back to the drawing board and use a template.
You definitely need to put your GPA down if it's between 3.0 and 3.5
I'll be nice and play along.
You need locations for everything. Put it on the same line as the company/university name.
All your months need to be in the same format. Specifically, "December 2011" needs to be changed to "Dec 2011"
Your GPA absolutely needs to be on there in this format directly underneath your university: - GPA: X.XX/4.00 - Major: Business Management
What in God's name does GIS have to do with Finance?
Do not put your position and company name on the same line.
Literally have no idea what your positions are, your bullets are too general, have no idea how to assess if you can actually work. You need to be specific, quantify things, and be direct.
Why aren't your activities bulleted like your work experience?
You really need to start over. First, with your goals. Second, with your resume. Take a look around here at some resumes and specifically look at the link Simple As... posted. Follow that format and redo everything.
First, I want to thank everyone for their comments and contributions so far. Second, I have added another link to the subject section that takes you to an updated and re-formatted version.
Second, I tried to make the descriptions seem more distinct and provide for a better explanation of what I actually did. However, I did not know how specific to make it and did not want to, "stretch" too much.
Flake - I had an internship at the same company but different department the summer of 2010. Other than that was just part time jobs in retail.
Please feel free to take a look and let me know what you think. I will be going to some of my professors and peers tomorrow to get some additional feedback.
Thanks again.
Looks better but still needs work.
Do you have a Major GPA that is 3.5+? If so, list it.
Your dates still aren't standardized. You use numbers on some parts but you spell the month out for your education. Fix it.
"of our service to fill this void"
You need an "of" between hundreds and data inputs.
take "was" out before used. Maybe include how much (general amount) seed money you got? This is a cool experience, definitely be detailed here.
I'd take out "my" before recommendations. Also, you're a little unclear about what they led to. What kind of internal hiring? I can't tell if you're trying to say hiring was more efficient or what. Read through it and try to be a little clearer.
Capitalize the E in Excel.
Can you quantify how much sales increased from your reports?
What was the benefit of your VAB papers? End result?
change "over 80 members" to "more than 80 members"
if you're trying to say you raised $10,000, you're missing a 0. If you're trying to say $1,000, your comma is in the wrong place.
Also, change it to "more than $10,000"
Be specific about the national charity.
Any increase in alumni donations during your leadership?
Add another non-active lifestyle interest. Also I think CrossFit is spelled like this? I'd make sure to format it the correct way, I know some CF guys are really intense about it and if you have it like you do right now they might think you're bullshitting.
It looks way better than your first attempt but you still can improve it a lot.
LINK: http://www.razume.com/documents/22475
Okay, after presenting my resume' to several teachers and peers, I have what I believe to be the final version that is ready to be sent out.
Please let me know if anything stands out or if there is vagueness in the position descriptions.
Thank again everyone for your input.
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