Sophomore Resume - What to critique

Your sentence structure is poor. It's not just one thing, so short of writing it for you, I can't be more specific without going line by line and telling you what sucks. I'm too far removed from undergrad to remember if that's just how we all wrote back then, or if you have some work to do to improve your writing. Also, you don't mention in this thread or in the resume what your intended goal is, so it's hard to provide you with any feedback.

One example that is particularly glaring:

• Helped the agency who's main goal is to help children develop constructive lives

1) don't refer to the agency that way ("who's") 2) Don't use the word "helped" / "help" twice in the same sentence

Heres a more updated version. Do you think this is that bad that I wont get a shot at any internships this summer. Also my ultimate goal is to get a internship in S&T after sophomore year. Right now I am networking mostly with boutiques

http://www.razume.com/documents/21892

This is the worst shit I've ever seen. I don't even know where to start. Every bullet point is fucking abysmal...There is no way you spent longer than 3 minutes on putting this together. I try not to be a dick anymore but this is just you being very lazy.

Proof read your sentences very carefully because your resume hurts to look at. Forget S&T, you'll be lucky to land a barista gig at starbucks with that.