HS chud - how can college be better for me?
I am the definition of a chud. No prom date and being the only person in my group to not have one (even when i put effort into trying), I have a stutter and an abnormal voice, being seen as little bro by most people in my life, not athletic/coordinated, and I overall feel like a joke who has no respect in HS.
My hope was that I would get into a near Ivy or an Ivy and unfortunately I did not and I will end up in a generic midwestern state school that isn't Indiana/Michigan but thankfully not in my state (Miami Ohio/Michigan State/Ohio State/Penn State) after being waitlisted from Michigan and Georgetown, and it feels like all of my suffering in high school has been for naught.
How can college be better for me? I want to stay in my school for the next four years and not transfer ideally. How can I develop a social life and maybe rush as someone who has been treated like a joke by people my whole life when other people have had experiences I will never will experience. How can I make myself presentable and prepared for the future as someone who wants to get into finance?
Sorry for this, I am hoping that people who were like me and can give me advice?
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First things first: do not start following any of that manosphere bullshit where a dude in way too tight pants tells you dating women is gay and you should hit yourself in the face with a hammer or something. Self-improvement has been sadly taken over by grifters and losers just trying to make money off of people like you.
What you want to do is build self-confidence by becoming good at something and then eventually multiple things. I’m not taking about creating some overly loud, cocky persona, but the kind of genuine self-confidence that only comes from expertise. Men like making friends with dudes who are good at shit they’re into. Women love dudes who are good at shit because confidence is sexy. Competence is universally appealing.
Now, this confidence can be found in outwardly “cool” things like playing guitar, or benching 2+ plates, having a six-pack, having the best fashion sense, being a sick athlete, or becoming more conventionally attractive through diet and fitness, but maybe you aren’t that guy.
Maybe you are better at coding, or cooking, or reading, or theatre, or painting little action figures. Maybe your interests lie outside of what most people would think are “cool.” In that case, fuck it, become exceptional at that instead. Because I guarantee there are other dudes in whatever that niche is who you can become friends with and you will find girls who are into those things too…
Becoming good at things creates self-worth. You challenged yourself and succeeded. Being good at things creates confidence. Confidence is universally appealing.
I really appreciate the long response because it made me reflect a lot about myself.
I’ve always been a pretty awkward and clumsy guy, and a petty quiet guy as well.
While I am pretty fit, I do not have 6 pack abs nor will I ever be a good athlete.
I am pretty good as dressing myself, but my interests are mainly male dominated, be reading, history, philosophy, golf, watching sports, (and drinking) but the latter three are more mainstream than the first three.
You are right, if I am good at my niches then it will be the path of success because by doing that it will make me a more interesting person and more knowledgeable.
However, it feels like a lot of my less mainstream niches alienates me from people and makes me seen as less attractive.
Also, how do I make myself a better communicator because I’ve always been an awkward speaker who stutters and speaks in an abnormal voice.
Put yourself in uncomfortable situations where you are forced to improve. I’m talking like…go sign up for standup or start a YouTube channel or join the debate team—whatever the opposite of your instinct is. You may never be great at that, but you can still improve.
Only 1 letter between a chud and a chad
Yeah that’s true lol
Assuming you go to a school where not a lot of your HS classmates attend the same school, it's a fresh start.
I was not popular in HS (genuinely was surprised by the few invites I got for Sweet 16s / graduation parties). Barely had a social life (in comparison, one of my older siblings was very popular and would be out every Friday and Saturday night while I spent most of my HS weekends and summers playing video games).
Freshman year in college, lived in a big dorm and my floor was full of folks who partied / were rushing frats. None of these guys kew I was unpopular in HS. I did poorly my first semester in college due to my social life.
Complete 180. You'll also realize in a few years how little importance your HS social life has in the long run.
Yeah I am excited to get a fresh start. Even though I will be further away from home and away from my friends it will force me to make new friends and reinvent myself.
For sure! Make sure you're social from now until your graduation. The summer before everyone goes to college tends to have a lot of hangouts, parties, trips etc. Mine was boring but I know a handful of people who had a blast.
Even if those attempts to be more social don't go anywhere, it's still great practice.
Google “Good Looking Loser archive” and follow it to a tee, thank me later.
Become delusionally confident to the point where your partners call you a narcissist. You must develop the mentality that you're better than everyone, because the truth is, you will be if you simply believe it.
You're not a helpless victim. I'm a girl but I went from being a botted anime kid in highschool to a top sorority now. Some of this advice might be harsh but the truth sucks so be prepared
90% of it is how you view yourself. If you believe you're a weird chud, you're going to conduct yourself that way, and then everyone else is going to think you're a weird chud. You have to change your mindset and actively work on yourself and your social skills so that YOU feel more confident. People can genuinely smell fear.
1. If anything, being at a bigger school is going to help you more socially. No offense but most ivy kids are weird. Even at gtown I've visited and most of the kids are super awkward and hardly go out and don't know how to interact with the opposite gender.
2. No one is going to go up to you. No one is going to reach out. Making friends takes so much effort. Everyone is too afraid to make the first move, so if you want to have friends you gotta suck it up and put in the work. Obviously if people are really fading you then like take the hint but overall you just have to take the risk
3. You don't need to be athletic to be likable????? I know plenty of (no offense) super huge dudes who are popular because they're chillers. BUT, if you feel chopped you wont have confidence, and confidence is super important. So if you do, just go gym, eat well, get a good haircut, do skincare, and just dress "normal". Golf polos khaki shorts and flip flops are the frat uniform
4. Hard truth but being super duper open about being into "weird" things will make people think you're weird ON FIRST IMPRESSION. If you really fw the people who share your less mainstream interests then hang out with them. But if you want to hang out with people who don't, then I hate to say it, wait until you're already friends to be super open about it. People love to judge, so let them get to know you for your personality first. Then when they learn ab those interests they'll actually think its super tuff as opposed to weird. I'm not saying change yourself by any means. What I am saying is to reduce your chances of FEELING judged, increase ur chances of feeling awesome and cool. Also learn to play beer die, and it's great that you already like golf. Golf and sports is a great thing to bond over so thats awesome
5. It seems you have a friend group since you're in a prom group so like you're already somewhat likable. Figure out what your strengths are and lean into them
6. Being a good communicator is ALL PRACTICE. Legit just practice. Exposure therapy. EXPOSURE THERAPY. EXPOSURE THERAPYYYYYYY. Literally the only thing that works. I'd say the advice to start a youtube channel is actually so dumb bc you're not actually practicing talking to people..... The only way to be better at talking to people is by (surprise surprise) talking to them!!!!! Ngl going out and getting a little boozy helps a lot when it comes to this. Just go up to people and chat. Initiate - ask what they're drinking, say you like an aspect of their outfit. Ask them about themselves. Be interested. Actually TROLLING is surprisingly super helpful I highly recommend you go out and start trolling a ton
7. Say hi AND smile AND wave AND make eye contact when you see acquaintances. Showing people that you're happy to see them makes them happy to see you. Make small talk. Friendliness goes so so far
8. Diary of a CEO with Vannessa Van Edwards has some really cool tricks to feel more charismatic
9. I know so many chopped evil annoying guys who get a lot of play simply because they're confident and charismatic. I have a strong feeling that you're more awesome than a lot of those kids so work on ur rizz and ur golden
That is true, perspective is everything. If I think that I am the shit then I will be the shit vs me thinking thinking that I am a chud and so I will be a chud.
1/2. That's true and that's why I chose to go to a out of state school for a higher price than my in state schools because I want to get out of my comfort zone and experience new people. Also, that is why I applied for Cornell as my ED because it was the biggest Ivy and my second choice after that would be Michigan because it is a large near-Ivy school.
3. That's fair, I've never really been confident because I've always been the quiet type or scared to fail when interacting but that's true. I have never considered myself to be attractive but some people tell me that I look good so that is a plus.
4. That's true, I can't be talking about stoicism when I am meeting people for the first time and fortunately I love talking about sports and playing/talking golf in front of people over talking about my more personal interests. I most certainly will be playing beer die this summer which is exciting.
5. I've always been seen as the smart one within my friend group which is prolly a combination of my race and because I was really smart as a kid.
6. I love talking to new people and trolling people and doing a bit because its funny seeing people's reactions. That is part of the reason why I am excited about the bars in college is because I can meet a lot of new people there.
7. That is true, although I have the tism so I always feel awkward when I try doing that but I've gotten better over the years.
8. I'll put that on my listening list.
9. That is true, and college is a good place for me to reinvent myself.
Join a social frat, you automatically get friends.
That is true, but I am worried that I didn't have a lot of the experiences a lot of the guys in a social frat would have had but that is a good point. How are social frats vs business frats in that regard?
I didn’t have any friends in a business frat at my college. I was in a middle tier frat at an SEC school and my PC had plenty of kids who didn’t have a ton of experience going in. Each PC at mine was 40-60 so you get a mix.
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