Craigslist Ad Of The Day - Finance Bro Needs Someone To Break In His Sandals For Him

So which one of you posted this on craigslist?

Looking to hire a brah to break in my new Rainbow flops. I don't have time to do it and I need them broken in like yesterday cause my feet are totally soft from rockin' my Tod's driving mocs all winter. This isn't just your normal everyday flip flop break-in job, I need you to imitate my whole deal so they're like proper.

First off my gate, you've gotta walk like me to get these puppies to fit me right, think McConaughey meets the guy you wish you were who walks out of Citi Bank HQ on a casual Friday, picture a Patagonia fleece vest with a Brooks Bros. non-iron.

Second, you need to go places where I'll wear 'em to get them used to the terrain. Tribeca Tap House, the Brandy Library, Tiny's, the Frying Pan, and the Boat Basin. Don't FUCKING bring these things to Brooklyn, I know you think the roof of Berry Park in Williams-balls is the boner, but it's just for poor people who can't afford 230 Fifth.

Outfit provided and pictured below, includes boot koozie in case you need something to help you jam harder to Wagon Wheel by Old Crow Medicine Show. If you don't know what that is then stay in Hoboken and keep watching MMA.

Send references of other footwear you've broken in, if you mention a Ralph Lauren shoe of any kind, especially Polo Sport I'll know you went to SUNY or CUNY and you won't be considered.

My old 'bows are pictured here, they need to look like this by Belmont. Payment negotiable, but you need to be able to accept a credit card cause I want Starwood points for my Amex. Out.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/lbg/4455510062.html

34 Comments
 
MutualMonkey

I wrote this

Hello Vikrum, my old friend I've come to talk with you again
heister: Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad. https://arthuxtable.com/
 

that was hilarious

"I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."
 

The bro wants Starwood points. That right there tells me he a joke. If you can't afford to rent out a penthouse apartment in Des Moines and are forced to stay at a Starwood property, well you aren't a true baller.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne
 

you must not have grown up in a surf community. in high school I managed the surf department for one of the biggest surf shops on the mid atlantic, and Reef was a top seller. as a surfer, I can tell you they're top notch. my point was Belmont deserves close toed shoes, as you suggested with Stubbs, but if you must wear sandals, rainbows are overrated imo.

 

Since when did it become okay to pre-layer folded polos like that?

People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for freedom of thought which they seldom use.
 

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