Getting married early when working in IB/PE/HF
As someone who'd consider themself a traditionalist Catholic (of the sort of preconciliar type), I'm of the opinion that all relationships are and should be intentioned towards marriage. Although I enjoy having fun, even sometimes going out to nightclubs and that sort of thing, I haven't ever engaged in casual dating let alone sleeping around with women and so on.
I know these views might be a bit different than your sort of stereotypical Wolf of Wall Street debauchery, but I think we all know that Wall Street doesn't really look like that either -- but I wanted to get a sense of how my views would be perceived in IB/ PE. And in particular, how would people perceive getting married early? Is it possible at all?
For context: have joined buyside from undergrad and I am hoping to stay at shop I'm at for at least a few years (and then stay on the buyside long-term too). What would you think of someone getting married in their late Analyst/ early-mid Associate years? I don't even want to start dating anyone now or in the next year or two if I know that any relationship won't be able to go anywhere within the years after that -- so just curious to hear.
Anyone else out there who thinks similarly? Did you get married early or just wait until you were more senior before you started dating at all?
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Should clarify, I mean this partly in the sense of impressions/ what people will think (eg. say you're a VP, would you see it as strange that someone much less senior than you is doing this), but also practically. Is it possible to be married say as an Assoc 1/2 when working in PE and then perhaps start to have children not too long after that (I know you get paid fairly well these days even at Assoc level, but is it enough to sustain children, potentially even spouse staying at home etc). Is it also too much stress and too draining dealing with married life/ children when you're also working 70/80 hours and stressed by deals (or if you're in HF, by quarterly earnings) and so on?
Quite a few post-MBA associates are engaged or married - and some even have kids.
Personally, I don’t know how they do it nor would I ever have wanted because it seems like you will never have a moment’s peace between a demanding profession at that level and trying to maintain a healthy relationship with your family but I see plenty of examples.
No one cares as long as work is getting done.
You better have a really understanding spouse or it will not work
Full disclosure: I’m senior but have a girlfriend, not wife
Can’t speak in generalizations over how the whole industry would perceive this, but can tell you this: had a friend who was Aso1 at a MM PE fund in NY and he had a kid with his long term gf. His shop was more than supportive and gave him a full month of paternity leave + even scolded him for responding to emails during that time (in a lighthearted way of course). As long as you’re getting your work done and are a half decent human being, I don’t think anyone would care.
Nice thanks! That's actually very reassuring to here.
I'd guide you away from your binary view of relationships as: a) "sleeping around" or b) getting married. There's a huge middle ground. Personally I think the arguments for getting married on the young side are just not that compelling, for men or for women. Fertility / healthy baby concerns don't really crop up for most women until they hit the mid (if not late) 30s, and the further along you are in your career, the more control you'll have over your time, and the fewer family events you'll miss due to work. (Think about your frustration level last time you missed some social event due to work, now multiply it x 10 for missing your kid's birthday party or sports event, weekend/vacation day, etc.)
Christian at BB. Married after graduation. 1st year analyst. Couldn’t do this job without her.
Did you enjoy BYU?
Never been. I do enjoy having a purpose in my life greater than a paycheck or prestige though.
In the same boat here. If you’ve found the right one it’s the best deal there is - I’d much rather give up “fun” in my 20s and develop a relationship with a partner who I know is fully committed. That, and the idea of becoming a middle-aged cubicle jockey with no family or goals outside of work strikes me as incredibly depressing.
I am very fearful for this same reason. I pray I find a great wife.
You do you bro, my Director is on his third wife it’s all good
..
I’m PE and married.
It works fine tbh you just have to make the hard choice of working through valentines for example. My wife understands that I’m giving us a solid life.. you will need the same from yours
Same with my girl, no Valentines this year but worth it for the roof we share
As long as your upfront about expectations revolved around working hours, lifestyle, etc. you'll be fine. You need to paint the picture early so that they're aware of what they're getting into.
Had son with 21, married with 22. Couldn´t do job without support of family.
2 different people? Absolute player
I’m a first year analyst at an EB. Also got married right after graduation. No it isn’t an issue, and no people don’t care. Not sure why you care what anyone would think (and if they do they probably just have a miserable love life). Just do you.
"preconcillar type"...oh, a heretic
Love it, only a neurotic finance person would have these kinda thoughts - what an industry we work in.
In all seriousness, no one will think twice about being young and married. Do whatever works for your personal life. Frankly, if someone did have issues with this its probably not the type of person you'd want to work with/for anyway.
Wish I married my ex earlier in life. Intended to marry the first girl I banged, but she had severe mental issues. Christian/Catholic also.... unfortunately, in your late 20s, you'll be forced to marry some chick who's banged 30 men before you
Is that a reason why no men should wait too long to get married?
People in this game just respect confidence and conviction. Develop your conviction, do what’s right for you and then don’t be insecure about it.
Being married has no impact. Having kids does, but it’s more about logistics / conflicted schedules than any perception issues (which again, you should ignore).
I’ve seen single guys (not engaged or even dating) in late 20s/early 30s sport rings on right hand ring finger to make it look like they’re more senior than they actually are. As far as perception goes, (1) who cares and (2) if you must, there are ways to spin it to your advantage.
Did I miss the memo about a ring on the right hand ring finger being the exclusive province of senior/important people??? As far as I ever knew, that indicated that you were: i) married, and ii) left handed. No offense but neither condition is especially awe-inspiring.
so you're selling yourself into slavery, then the government takes a half of what you make, then some broad takes a half of what's left, meanwhile you don't even have time or energy to shag that broad because you're getting shagged 24/7 in IB/PE/HF - sounds like a good deal.
Crushing the man before he even starts lol
men be living the dream
At least be sure to have a prenuptial agreement.
get a prenup so she can't shag you
Mr. Scorsese explained it well
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