How do you build / maintain confidence
Came across a performance review email from director and MD that noted I’m capable but lack confidence . How do I improve ? What would you do ?
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I wish higher management could recognize that the genuinely intelligent people will lack the confidence to BS about things they know they are no expert in, but that's why you need a high EQ to climb up the levels in this job.
Talk louder and slower (seriously)
If you have the time, getting good or at least making progress in a hobby definitely helps too
My thoughts, I'm sure there are more.
Be confident when presenting work product. No stuttering, stammering, hesitation etc. Practice if you must. Calm, confident delivery is the key to success. No matter how much bullshit you sell.
When pulling work product, mentally contextualize what you're doing to the bigger narrative of the pitch or deal you're working on. Easy to say shit like "I spread the comps, median is x", harder to build the narrative in the context of the deal or pitch you're working on because that actually requires thinking. Why does this matter? Because when asked questions, you're not just regurgitating what FactSet/CapIQ/Eikon told you. There is real understanding and context which drives speaking with conviction. If you don't get it, ask your associate. If they're an idiot, as your VP or D. Read the room first, but don't be afraid to ask your MD.
Minimize falling back on "let me get back to you on that" or "I will dig into it" type shit when asked about details of your work. You did it, why would you not know the ins and outs. See above, if you understand the context, you should have most of the answers.
Little shit like tone of emails. Don't constantly apologize. Replace "Sorry for the delay" with "thanks for your patience". Hell, don't even bother with that. "Please see attached" is fine.
Don't be a deer in the headlights when asked to speak on calls. Act like you belong. You do man, you probably worked your ass off to be there.
Separate rank/title from the person when not talking about work. Seen too many kids be nervous speaking to anyone with title. Stuttering, stammering talking about shit like the weather. It's stupid af. See above, worked your ass off to get where you are and you belong here
FFS, don't be a doormat. Seriously, don't do this. Not a soul will respect you and that is a death knell. If a deadline is unreasonable, push back. If an ask is too much, push back. If the analysis is overkill, push back. Your associate may be a bitch, your VP may be a self loathing piece of shit who hands his balls to the MD. It does not matter. If you can't deliver, push back. Don't be a fucking yes man. People will pat you on the back to your face "for going above and beyond" but nobody remembers come bonus or promotion time. Because guess what doormats don't do when reviews are unfairly poor or when they are shafted on bonuses? P U S H B A C K. Grow a pair, there may be consequences but PUSH BACK.
Can't emphasize the point about separating title from conversations enough. I talk to my MD like a normal human being when I need something from him on a deal and it makes me cringe so hard when people are super polite or formal with senior bankers. Plus you will look like an idiot when your MD is joking around and you are being stiff and awkward.
1. Lift heavy-ass weights/get in shape
2. Dress sharp
3. Stand tall and articulate
4. Most importantly, remember that everyone is just a human being, no matter the prestige/reputation that surrounds them. No one in an office setting will do anything physical, the worst they can do is make loud noises come out of the hole in their face.
Did they provide you with specific examples? Something that would inform their decision?
Either way, here are some considerations... And I realize you may already know a lot of these
Social/Communication
- Avoid 'uh' when speaking
- Keep answers concise and direct
- Avoid 'fidgeting' and maintain eye-contact
- Provide clear context to any question and/or answer
- Know your audience & choose your battles
- Always be composed and not emotional. Calm demeanor when things are great. Even steadier demeanor when things are bad
- Don't apologize for things outside of your control/things you had nothing to do with
- While presenting, take planned pauses after you make a point. This will let the audience meditate on what you said and--whether consciously or not--show them you're comfortable with periodic silence when presenting
- Avoid placing blame on others/external factors unless you're 100% certain there's an injustice
- Know how to give a handshake
- Whenever anyone that isn't a close friend or family asks 'how are you?' (basically just a more expansive/polite thing than just saying 'hello'). Except for extreme 0.1% situations you should always try to reply 'I'm very well' or 'I'm great. Thanks for asking'. Does this do much for your confidence? Maybe not. Does being negative do much for your confidence? Yes. It destroys it
- Know when to laugh and be comfortable while doing it. There are very few opportunities to find humor as a group in finance. Take the opportunity. Comfortable in your own skin = confidence
Work
- High-quality deliverables with meaningful takeaways
- Not 100% on something, but maybe 50-75% sure? Label it as an 'emerging perspective' to others and then revisit/recommunicate once fully confident
- Nothing says confidence like admitting when you were wrong then demonstrating the correct response. People that refuse to hear challenges/accept blame are the least confident of all
- Take ownership of something. Be an expert of your peers in something. For example... Section 338(h)(10) considerations? Yea you're the guy they want. Incurrence and maintenance covenants? Talk to you. Nuances of valuation modeling? You're the one they trust
- Know what work/results matter in the pecking order from Analyst to MD to Client
Appearance (yes I know this is superficial)
- Know what clothes fit you for your body type. I know this sounds easy, but it is actually very hard to master. Shortcut? Go to a quality tailor, get precise measurements, ask their opinion on dress/office clothes that best compliment your body, and tip him or her for the time
- Don't slouch... Ever
- Make yourself 'big' (yes, I know this sounds incredibly silly). Meaning, don't cross your arms, huddle in a chair during meetings, etc.
- Don't wear things that would label you as 'out of touch'/'childish'. Example: Brown, square-toed shoes with a purple shirt = 'out of touch'. A suit that's too big for you = 'childish'
- When in doubt, only wear the classics (e.g., white/light blue shirt, charcoal/navy trousers, black belt and please have the metal match any metal on your shoes which brings me to the next point... black captoes/penny loafers, no crazy socks). You want people to remember you, not what you wore
- Always dress as formal or slightly more formal than the client, but not so formal that it makes them uncomfortable and makes you look like you can't read a room
This book has come up a lot on WSO, but there's a reason for that. How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It's a must-read. Also--and note this book is very dense. How Highly Effective People Speak by Peter Andrei. It goes into the psychology of communication. May also be worth a look.
Lastly, I know this sounds like a lot to juggle, but it'll become natural over time.
To bounce off of a point made above here (How to Win Friends and Influence People), consider taking a Dale Carnegie speaking course or any public speaking course for that matter. For both appearance and communication, I found the public speaking course I took to genuinely help me in these areas.
I myself frankly struggled with communication especially even into my college years. I decided to do something about it since I wanted to appear more personable and maybe even a bit less nerdy during meetings. It taught me exactly where I needed to improve on and gave me strategies for improvement. I'd suggest it as an extension of the above points.
Have same issue. Following
There's a lot of good points mentioned in this thread already. rabbit - Abusement Park - ZetaMale make all valid points.
For someone who is new to a lot of things, one social aspect to consider is if you have the opportunity to be in-office. This allows better socialization and character development you would not get otherwise if you stayed at home.
Dressing sharp (on point to what is allowed), fit (clothing and health), but also making sure you are able to deliver on the work provided to you. Estimate close (or use proper judgement) to what it will take for projects to complete - NEGOTIATE the time.
Get your teeth whiten, good hygiene, and clean fitted clothes will deliver a good foundation for people to judge you by. People will often judge you based on your appearance, and will use that as a platform. Once you manage to rub shoulders and get your name around, its just delivering on requests from people.
Lastly, there is no job big or small. Be humble at the opportunities granted to you - as many others would cut off their arm or sacrifice a newborn to be in the shoes you are in.
Female validation may be good for you. So get laid.
Bro do you have any advice other than getting laid lmao?
As someone who grew up in a super strict household and then went to college, Pizz is right.
Literally solved all the confidence issues I had. Not kidding.
Exactly; people think I'm horny all the time but I'm actually spitting facts
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