How do you deal with someone shaming you?
How do you deal with someone who society would deem more much more successful than you shaming you?
This one arsehole keeps shaming me about my job and lack of success in life compared to him even though I am 100% content with myself.
How do you turn around the situation?
Also how do you deal with people around you feeling sorry for you and treating you like a victim after you have been shamed?
Seriously, how much of a miserable prick must you have to be to shame others in life and care so much about what other do???
First off, whoever actually listens to the other guy is not someone you want to keep in your company. As you go through life they will either be toxic with their negativity, or too stupid to see beyond the immediate situation.
If the guy isn't impugning your social standing with anyone that matters, ignore him. The less of a rise he can get out of you, the more frustrated he will become, and will keep pushing the issue harder. The more he goes on about shallow shit like jobs and income, the more people you will win over because they'll see him acting like a child. Use his attacks as fuel for your ambition. We all put up facades of our perfect little lives for the rest of the world. The fact that he has to flaunt how great his world is to everyone suggests that his big baller life may not be secure and stable. The "success" gap from the 2 of you are is probably not so far off, and this guy could easily be eating crow down the road when he needs a favor from you.
"If you don't like what's being said, then change the conservation." - Don Draper
If you choose to respond to this guy, do it on your terms. By defending your achievements in life you are giving him the moral high ground, and in this case, your career/accomplishments is not the axis you want to use in the dick measuring contest.
If you know this person at all, focus in on personality flaws. Next time he compares income, cars, whatever, tell him his priorities are fucked up. You could shame him for being materialistic, or suggest that he is dullard since his obsession with prestige and bank account balance has left him unable to explore and appreciate life's deeper mysteries. You don't actually have to believe any of that stuff, but if you're going to hit back, you need to do it on new different terrain where his footing is uneven. Overall, remain humble. People will respect you more for it.
I don't see "telling him his priorities are fucked up" as being effective. That would simply reinforce his perception that you're a loser who doesn't care enough about success.
This guy sounds massively insecure so assuming that he thinks you're on good terms with him, the way to deal with that would be to ask questions that are seemingly innocent yet are going to gnaw at his competitive insecurities later.
If you're stuck with someone for the long run sometimes it's better to feed the pig, so to speak. Look at how Trump's played CNN by feeding their issues. Succeed in inflating an already negative behavior and you've just crippled the competition.
Great point.
fantastic advice, thank you
You shut up and take it if he's right, whether you're 'content' or not. If he's wrong, you explain to him why he's wrong.
You could deal with it like a feminist and post your body nude (in this case your lack of success) all over social media and say you are against shaming
I always remind myself "hurting people hurt people". Someone who is shaming you is saying something about themselves- not something about you. Don't give them that power- try to understand what this person is getting out of shaming you. The better you understand thier real motives- then it takes away thier power to make you feel bad.
get the convicted felon in the other thread to rob and assault him.
Sage advise!
Oh boy. Ha ha. I'm LOL at work. Was just reading that one. F'n hilarious. +SB
Comment of the year, imo. SB for you, sir!
Convicted felons read wall street oasis? hahaha
https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/background-check-for-operations-…
No way lmao who was it?
I assume this is not someone you work with. If it is talk to your management. Otherwise, avoid and ignore. This dude sounds socially inept. Tell them "good for you" and continue about your business. Basically, don't respond and walk away whenever they are talking directly to you - about anything. If it is a group setting try to lead the conversation and do not validate anything they have to say. I mean they interject, ignore and continue on with your point. People who think they are interesting tend to disappear when given that treatment. If they ask why you did that, do not give them the satisfaction of an answer and continue one.
Do it with a real Bateman drawl too. Nothing like making it painfully obvious to someone bragging about themselves that you couldn't give two shits.
Exactly, when you are pointing yourself out there is a sad reality that no one cares.
hike up your skirt and hit them with your purse
couple ideas:
in all seriousness, eliminate people like this from your life, you'll be better off.
Shame, thebrofessor .
Ingesting Visine can be lethal.
See the lengthy laundry list of accidents: http://www.snopes.com/medical/myths/visine.asp
In fact, in one case, one coworker pranked another by putting half a bottle of visine in her drink at a party. The 42 year old victim fell ill a few days later and died.
Well...it'd stop OP from being shamed...he didn't mention legal ramifications
"how much of a miserable prick must you have to be to shame others in life and care so much about what other do?" Not a miserable prick he is simply trying to prove to everyone his is better than you. It is the whole male dominance hierarchy and he wants you to know he is higher than you on it. If you really want to stick it to him remind him in the end nothing matters as Keynes put it "In the long run we are all dead" and thus nothing really matters.
Haven't heard that by keynes but it sounds great, thanks for bringing it to my attention.
People like this usually shame others to act proactively because they believe that they would be a potential target for shaming. So they shame you in order 1) feel better about their failures 2) To keep pressing the "attack" if they don't, they become the target.
If you want to counter it, (but also probably escalate it ) is to find their weakness. They are probably one of those: 1)Lonely, 2)Not a position they would want to be, 3) Under someone's boot,4) Terribly insecure about their looks, 5) Have a small penis and want to compensate, 6) Someone else is already abusing them, 7)They got abused as children in school and still carry it. You get the thing.
You have to understand that these weaknesses might seem trivial or funny to you (eg having braces in school) but for him its a huge trauma probably. So while the appropriate behaviour would be to urge him seek help . If you feel like it you can attack him on those weaknesses. (eg , Saying something bad about you and your job, try shifting the conversation to something you know he is insecure about. " Your job sucks" " yeah it probably does, but all in all it gives me time to go to the gym, I wouldn't want to be fat . Girls love abs. " And then take the convo to your field and see him retracting to his corner.
I've seen people even getting on the counter-attack and every time they see someone who was like this, and their weakness is that they feel ugly, they start making "innocent " jokes on their looks or their body just to establish some domination.
Sweep the leg.
If you can let it go and are truly content, I would deem you more successful since he sees the need to insult other people to make himself feel better.
OTOH if this were 150 years ago, I'd say challenge him to a duel. Maybe you should bitchslap him and demand satisfaction
I want to post something a little different than the above people. I have a really good friend that is somewhat like this - constantly obsessing over his next move, constantly needing to feel superior to others in his wealth/power/professional ambition. Very much an egotist.
He's not incapable of being made to act reasonable, but it's not his inclination.
Do I let it get to me? No. When he says something ridiculous or offensive, or denigrating, I say "Haha, okay buddy". Sometimes I push one of his weak spots to knock him down a peg, or remind him of a time his brashness caused him a massive failure. He'll push the point, I'll continue not giving a fuck...no harm no foul - I don't really care how he needs to see himself in relation to me or others in order to get himself through the day. I don't let it concern me.
I have actually benefited from remaining friends with this guy, despite the fact that many others have written him off for more or less the same reasons you seem to be writing your acquaintance off. In all honesty, ridiculous as my friend is, there's nothing harmful or even particularly unique about his brash egotism - it's just most people in this world are less bold/more timid about their own belief that they are superior. They get pissed off at him for being shameless about his sense of superiority, but harboring their own secretly and pretending to be "better than him" just makes them salty haters of the fact that he has no problem throwing it in their face.
Look, depends who this person is. I go way back with my buddy, and he's mostly beneficial/a good friend to me. Having a thick skin to deal with his BS is actually more a source of entertainment than frustration for me.
So, I don't mean to paint OP with a broad brush. Maybe you're dealing with an opponent, in which case I second the good advice given above re: ignoring. But if the real issue here is that you can't take honest criticism from someone that knows how to criticize you, consider that maybe you should just not take it too much to heart and focus on the big picture. Trite as it sounds, words only have power over you insofar as you grant it to them.
you start by asking them "Do you like Huey Lewis and The News?"
fisticuffs
Et temporibus officiis inventore voluptas aspernatur sunt aut. Provident voluptatibus velit fuga saepe itaque quis. Vitae repellat ut consequatur repellat iste eum aut.
Voluptas qui et ut accusamus aut neque officia. Veritatis rerum labore est illo. Culpa incidunt expedita facilis aspernatur. Veritatis nesciunt non quaerat iure aut.
Aperiam autem praesentium esse earum velit perferendis. Odio nisi fuga eum repudiandae fuga rerum tempora. Voluptatem odit dolorem labore praesentium esse illum quia.
Quo et saepe est libero ipsum qui velit delectus. Natus sit dignissimos natus consequuntur quos excepturi. Sit aut cumque voluptatibus veniam consequuntur error architecto. Qui nulla nisi sed nihil voluptas quas. Officia et quod vero repellendus. Et deserunt exercitationem illum recusandae. Explicabo rerum voluptatem atque aut quia.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...
Animi natus laborum et possimus ab enim. Alias sequi nobis iure quam sed. Architecto deserunt explicabo et nostrum consectetur magnam nobis. Voluptatem molestiae rerum et molestias qui.
Ea aut ea delectus voluptas. Et et tempora veritatis sint. Itaque dolore eaque aperiam tenetur dolorem autem cupiditate. Sed beatae aut odio sed. Tempore amet temporibus saepe praesentium est voluptatem. Aliquam et animi sed qui. Recusandae cumque nam enim aliquam adipisci est non.
Sit atque nihil voluptatem molestiae omnis optio. Qui quia tenetur optio fugiat inventore. Sunt deleniti sapiente et. Eum debitis voluptas exercitationem voluptate dolores nihil. Aspernatur temporibus sit voluptatem architecto. Officia nihil commodi beatae aspernatur non fugit repellat. Velit qui esse ab quos officia vel nostrum.